How did I miss this amazing piece of news? Maybe one of you sent it along with my 1400 instances of SPAM last week.
[ Bon Jovi Foils Music Pirates That Don’t Exist ]
The 1980s megastars have a new, Web-based scheme to discourage their soon-to-be-released disc from being pirated. And computer security experts think the program just might work.
On the inside of the packaging of Bon Jovi’s Bounce is a 13-digit, randomly generated serial number. By entering that code on the group’s website, fans enroll in a program that puts them “first in line” for concert tickets and allows them to listen to unreleased tracks from the band.
“The idea is to make anyone who’s file sharing or burning feel like they’re missing out by not buying a real copy of the CD,” said Larry Mattera, a new-media executive at Island Def Jam, Bon Jovi’s label.
You know what’s grand? This will actually work. Pirates will not be downloading copies of Bon Jovi’s fagnum opus this Fall. But the reason isn’t because of the discouraging concert ticket mumbo jumbo. You want to know why nobody’s going to pirate their new CD? I’ll let you in on the secret.
*leans close*
Because they fucking suck.
Betcha didn’t see that one coming a mile and a half away, did you? Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, just because my 80s compilation MP3 CD contains Livin’ On A Prayer and Wanted Dead Or Alive doesn’t mean I want to hear whatever the stupid bastards are croaking out now. Lemme give you a lil’ tip Bon Jovi. If Triumph the Dog from Conan decides to pay you a ten minute visit to tell you that you suck, beleive me, he’s not being cute. You suck like a gay undersexed Hoover Wet-n-Dry vac after a few Midori Sours.
Sorry to break it to you, but outside of New Jersey (which, thanks to you assholes, is still one of America’s main sources of the mullet) nobody gives a shit what you do. Therefore wasting time and bandwidth checking into your recent exploits are a foregone conclusion.
