Alright, alright, just like in basic Algebra. I present you with a word problem, except in this case, the math doesn’t quite work out. Please consult page 542 of your textbooks for the solution.
BERLIN (Reuters) – A cat saved its family by raising the alarm after it touched off a fire, German police said on Monday.
Mimi the black-and-white cat was playing in the family kitchen in the northwest town of Luedenhausen when a misstep switched on an electric oven, which ignited papers stacked next to it.
But Mimi then awoke the family by miaowing loudly and pushing heavy objects on the floor.
“Mimi saved the family. There would have been a major fire had she not raised the alarm,” a police spokesman said.
*stares blankly*
*turns furiously to page 542*
Alright kids, let’s go over this one logically:
Cat + Kitchen = Fire
Cat Warning Family * (Cat + Kitchen) = Heroism
(Cat + Kitchen) – Cat Warning Family = Tragedy
Do you see the simple solution to why these equations don’t add up? Because if you take the cat out altogether, there’s no clear set of results!
The cat was trying to kill you, fuckers, not save you. This was just a warning. The next time lil’ Billy winds up taking a dirt nap. So buy the fucking Whiskas, change the Goddamn litter box, and keep your noses clean.
