So like a million other fatheaded retards on this planet, I watched that American Idol finale last night. I haven’t watched a single minute since they got past the preliminary rounds, which is to say that when Simon finished tearing into hundreds of hopeful singers, I lost interest. But now it was the end, and they were obviously going to be awarding the contract to the chick who sounded like a less skanky Mariah Carey. Since the radio and television had both been pumping up this disturbing phenominon, and I also had the girlfriend rushing home to watch it, I sat down in front of the tube like a good little consumer. I’m glad they replayed some of the best smartass comments from the previous shows, because last night’s broadcast held about as much suspense and interest as a Jerry Lewis telathon. Even the runner up guy knew that he wouldn’t win. However, I did appreciate one moment. When they showed Justin his high school all gathered together to support him, I commented that he could easily bang any chick in that crowd without question. Immediately thereafter, one of the idiotic Brian guys stated the exact same thing. However, he did not add the tail end of my comment, “if he wasn’t a flaming homosexual.” Apparently to be the American Idol you can’t alienate the 14-year-old female crowd.
Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangeant. My main rant is that directly after winning, this Kelly chick has been selected to sing the national anthem at uh… some main event commemorating the World Trade Center attack. So basically we’re going to have this girl become the representation of everything that symbolizes America. Meanwhile, she’s hawking Fords and Coca-Cola to the masses and becoming a soulless husk of the music industry so that the masses will be tempted to buy her worthless single in a couple of weeks.
Actually, that does sound like a pretty accurate representation of the US. Capitalism at its finest, or lowest, whichever you prefer.
*salutes flag*
