Huzzah for crappy puns! Im currently amidst a sea of unwashed contemporaries awaiting the arrivals of our loved ones at Los Angeles International airport. I was about to post when a guy asked, “Hey, is that a Hiptop???”, at which point I entered sales pitch mode. When it comes to techno geeks, I may as well have a firm set of tits and an apple of an ass when it comes to making an impression.
Anyway, now that Im nice and toasted from the nearby cantina, I feel it’s time to drop some holiday science on ya. First off, don’t show up early to pick people up from the airport. Not my choice, mind you. Id rather my loved ones wait in a terminal then me, because at least they can meander in the “ticketholders only” areas that contain the only restaurants and bookstores within the immediate area. We had to walk 15 minutes to find a newsstand and a beer. And another thing, Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez are on too goddamn many magazine covers this month. I say enough with the girls who’s bosoms have already been bared onscreen. Time to concentrate our attention on those who’s endowments remain a mystery. Besides, I could give a fuck about Lopez’s marriage to Affleck. If I wanted to read about doomed marriages I’d hook OJ up with the heiress to a cutlery empire.
Gotta go, the family’s here. Thanks for your time.
