Have you seen the latest subway commercial? My memory is a bit fuzzy because I usually turn my head and look away when a formerly big fat fuck comes on the screen and tries to sell me sandwiches with too much fucking bread. Subway diet? Yeah…I’ll believe that one when that tubby bitch goes shirtless and reveals a lack of lipo scars. Then I’ll vomit all over my living room.
Actually, the latest commercial features a pair of formerly fat fucks. They appear to be at a BBQ of some sort preaching about their combined weight loss on the Subway diet and lo and behold…they’re black…er I mean they’re “URBAN.”
Clearly, this is Subway’s answer to McDonalds’ “Get your Mac on” ads which feature inner city youths pounding tasty Big Macs like they were Mountain Dew or sweet poverty inducing crack. (You thought you were getting out of that last paragraph without any mention of crack!? Ah…you’re quite silly if you thought that.)
Marketing Subway to fatass poor people is bound to have its problems. First off, Subway isn’t free. Hell, its not even cheap. Its even LESS cheap when you’re buying it for yourself AND your 5 kids. Its most definitely more expensive than the $0 it costs for 5 pounds of chicken (legs) and a box of HOHO’s on food stamps. Second of all, when a poor motherfucker hears “Subway diet” he assumes it has something to do with standing on an actual subway platform begging for change until he has enough to buy cigarettes and booze. Finally, all the Subway in the world isn’t gonna help you lose that fat ass if you present it with a plate of rib tips and fries as an encore.
For now Subway, if you’re reading this, lets market the trendy expensive diets to fatass suburban housewives and let the poor people diet the way they always have, by skipping dinner, eating a few hostess cakes and government cheese and running away from the occassional bullet or police car.
I was a subway night manager in a ritzy hood(ooh, impressive!) I would shill that subway diet to a bunch of these rich fatass broads who would need explainations on the diet. When they found out its ONLY A SIX INCH with NO CHEESE OR MAYONAISE NOR OIL they folded and usually took a full sub with extra mayo. The white trash that came into our store actually LOVED the steak sub. I could tell, just by how you dressed what kind of sub you would eat. Eccentric patterned dress suit? Footlong turkey with cheese and extra mayo and LIGHT oil. Mullet with paint marked jeans? Double Meat steak with cheese and mayo NO veggies. Honest!