I’ll be bahk!

So we’ve got a sequel to Copycat. About time, goddammit.

CAMPBELLS CREEK, W.Va., Aug. 18 Investigators have identified 100 suspects in three killings that have raised fears that a serial killer is stalking residents of this West Virginia mountain valley, the sheriff said Monday.

AT A NEWS conference in Charleston, where one of the three killings occurred, Kanawha County Sheriff Dave Tucker said that a task force assembled to investigate the slayings had arrived at the list by using known information to make a reasonable decision.

He said that the suspects were being interviewed by authorities but added that none has been taken into custody.

I bet he’s in contact with John Allen Muhammad just to make sure the technique is right.

So let’s cast the made-for-TV sequel!

Harry Connick, Jr
Out. Clearly. And not just The Closet ^tm.
Since we’ve got 100 (usual) suspects, that must mean Kevin Spacey is in as the mastermind-Lecter-Cullum-Soze-John Allen Muhammad.

Sigourney Weaver
She won’t sign on to reprise her role: she just has to emulate her bosom body, Jodie Foster (best known as “Tiny Titties” Nell).
Since one (Julianne) Moore replaced Foster, that makes the other (Demi) Moore the replacement for Sigourney. She has bigger boobs, and looks better in a thong anyway.

Holly Hunter
In. End of story.

The Sniper dun dun dun
This leaves us with our sniper. Clearly (there’s that word again!) it has to be someone stupid enough to get caught. It can’t be someone dark and tortured like Matthew Modine (e.g. In The Shadows). That means we’re stuck with a Baldwin.

We’ll have to amputate Paulie Shore from his cock, but Stephen Baldwin (with that added Suspects flavor) is just the man for the job. Assuming our project can be fit into his very busy straight to video schedule.

So there you have it. A made-for-TV sequel in just a few career re-treading steps.