I Like My Beer With Dead Animal, Thank You

This reminds me of those old Warner Bros cartoons where the bad guy would dress up as a chick, and then the doofus hero would fall for him and then cause the bad guy to basically get molested. Yeah, I’d like to think that PETA might be molested one day. For now I think I’ll settle on listening to them bitch in vain about how Wisconsin should change it’s official beverage from milk to beer. Oh you smarmy PETA bastards, we still recognize you underneath that blonde wig and the fake titties…

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Gov. Jim Doyle to change Wisconsin’s official beverage from milk to beer, saying milk is harmful to humans and is meant for calves.

PETA said in a letter to Doyle Tuesday that beer is healthier than cow’s milk, which the group argued could cause heart disease, cancer, allergies, diabetes and obesity. Milk consumption causes dairy cows stress because they are kept in a constant state of impregnation, the letter said.

PETA first came up with the beer-for-milk national campaign two years ago, but it was retired after being criticized by Mothers Against Drunk Driving and other groups. The animal rights group renewed the campaign last spring.

See that last bit about how MADD shut down the idea? Well, I have inside information that after that little debacle, PETA changed the idea for the official state drink to be non-alcoholic Odoul’s Premium. …But then OSMAFA, or Overweight Soccer Moms Against Fatter Asses stepped in and they had to change it to new and improved Odoul’s Non-Fat Light brew. Of course, then the diabetic groups and all the kids who bought it thinking that their fake ID had just scored them some real beer started bitching, so now there’s a special version of “standardized sugar nonfat non-alcoholic dont-buy-this-it-aint-real-beer Near Beer” being developed so that Wisconsin can replace their filthy and disgusting milk with this delicious beverage that tastes not at all unlike pee, but less warm if you put it in the freezer for awhile.

In other news, when the fuck did beer become better for you than milk? I thought that was bullshit I fed to my mom when I was 16, but I suppose now I get to take back one misappropriated karma point. If I wasn’t already drunk, I’d toss one back to celebrate.