Hell, you don’t really need me to come out of hiding to say this, but seriously, who didn’t see it coming:
“I got caught up in my new lifestyle and got carried away with drugs and alcohol,” Osbourne told People magazine, which reported he entered Las Encinas Hospital in Pasadena on April 23. “Once I realized this, I voluntarily checked myself into a detox facility for my own health and well-being.” [Story]
Translation:
“The shows ratings will improve if I enter a detox facility, and like the whores that we are [ed note: I mean that in a good way], we will take the money with a smile.”
See, I don’t really think that Jack needs counseling, I think that Jack needs…wait, holy fuck, I just did a google search and there are actual fan sites dedicated to the butter boy:
HEY WHAT’S UP I’M NEW TO THE MESSAGE BOARD! I THINK ITZ AWESOME THAT SOMEONE MADE A MESSAGE BOARD ABOUT JACK O. HES THE GREATEST KID EVER I LOVE HIM! I ALWAYS AM LOOKING TO MEET NEW JACK O FANS SINCE THERE AREN’T SO MANY OF THEM!…SO IF U GUYS WANT TO IM ME @ AIM…MY SN IS ***! JACK ROCKS! PEACE OUT YO!
Wow. Anyway, as I was saying, screw rehab, all Jackie needs to do is switch to lite beer and trade his pot in for meth. That’s right Mofos, you heard it here first.
And Jack, we take paypal.