Here We Go Again

Yep. Since the Paris Hilton gravy train has slowed down, you’d imagine it’s time for another sex tape.

Here it comes, bitches! (blatently stolen from the forum)

This time, London’s News of the World claims to have obtained a tape showing the high-stepping Hiltie getting naughty with ex-boyfriends Nick Carter and Jason Shaw. Hilton is said to be shown “writhing in the back of a car as she is groped intimately” by former Backstreet Boy Carter. In another scene, Paris answers the the door buck naked — wearing only a “pore strip” across her nose — for Tommy Hilfiger model Shaw, tattles the tab.

Elsewhere in the video, Hilton reportedly puffs on a joint, chirping, “Paris Hilton, part two: How to roll a joint!”

Amazing. I can’t wait until she has a kid old enough to surf the future Internet and find old websites talking about mommy getting stuffed in one of grandpa’s sleazier hotels. Or about how she got fondled in the back of a car by the openly gay Senator, Nick Carter.

Then, God willing, this kid will grow up and follow in her mother’s footsteps. And I will still be there to link to it on Sliceoftheday. My vision of the future kicks ass, especially because the government has come up with a newer, more powerful version of cheese that will create Irish nachos so delicious that foreign wars will now be averted with their dairy-borne goodness.