Damn.

January’s Results:

Life: 1
Jacko: 0

Procrastination really sucks. Well, that is until you are out of the mess that said procrastination comfortably generated for you, and think about all of the time you had to do whatever you wanted, then it doesn’t seem so bad. Except for the fact that I posted maybe twice in January. That part is pretty lame, just like me.

But, as much as I would like to leave this for another day, there is work to be done. See, with the recent shuttle disaster, many important things that would usually be on our minds and on the newsreel have been overlooked. Take Cecelia O’Hare, for instance. On the same day as the atmospheric catastrophe currently hogging the airways, this caring, gentle wife was innocently dining at a Panama City McDonalds when she “lost the care, comfort, consortium and society of her husband.” (quoted from her lawsuit). Husband hit by a bus? Ran away with a stripper?

Worse.

A couple is suing the franchisee of a McDonald’s restaurant, claiming an improperly prepared bagel damaged the husband’s teeth and their marriage.

They alleged the McDonald’s, owned by Johnstone Foods Inc., was negligent and violated an “implied warranty that the food sold was reasonably fit for human consumption.”

They contend in the suit that John O’Hare broke teeth and bridgework on Feb. 1, 2002 when he bit into the bagel. The suit did not say what exactly was wrong with the bagel.

The suit alleges the wife “lost the care, comfort, consortium and society of her husband.” The couple’s attorney, Tim Warner, did not return telephone messages left at his office.

You are probably thinking the same thing I am thinking: when did McDonalds start selling bagels? That and I hope that his wife is OK. Sometimes survival is worse than death, my friends.

According to my calculations (I made none), unless you dumped the bagel out of the bag and started eating the damn thing off the table with no hands, it would be pretty hard to not notice the destructive capabilities of a tooth-chippin’ bagel.

But, it is still pretty hard to blame the guy. After all, in his own lawsuit he states that he assumed McDonald’s food was “reasonably fit for human consumption.” When you start out that horribly wrong, it’s almost a guarantee that someone will lose a tooth.

Oh, according to Harlan Bakeries, the production line for the creation of mcDonalds bagels was added in 1999. Just thought you’d like to know for when you don’t eat there.