Category: News

[ Johnny Carson Dead ]

But we’ve still got Ed McMahon. Who will pass out those large novelty checks when he’s gone? That’s going to be a rough void to fill, especially considering he’s so goddamned fat.

[ NESSIE! NOOOOOOO! ]

“Sir Court Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally.”

Since it’s Friday, and you probably have nothing better to do, check out Hot 97’s Smack Fest 2005. If you’re a fan of watching people slap the living Hell out of one another for prize money, it’ll be right up your alley, because that’s… that’s what it is.

I’m waiting to see if anyone cries.

[ eXeem Beta Released ]

Proving that you can’t keep good pirates down. Yarr.

[ Britney Spears Pregnant? ]

Britney Spears has been out shopping in a baby store – and reportedly told staff she is nine weeks pregnant.

The scruffy Toxic babe – who wore a skimpy pink top with no bra – was snapped in trendy Babystyle in downtown LA.

It would hardly be a surprise, as Britney has hinted many times over that she’s desperate to have hubby Kevin Federline’s baby.

Meh. She pretty much flushed her career down the toilet anyway, so why not? Besides, the sooner she shits a kid out, the sooner she can stare longingly at the Britney Spears gallery and wonder what made her ass go from apple to watermelon.

What the Hell? 20 people show up to watch the most boring ten seconds in the history of mankind, and are excited about it.

I had to post this, because it’s so ridiculously non-newsworthy that I refuse to beleive that I am reading about it. I figure that putting it here will help me come to grips with the reality of the situation.

OK, so the fuck what. I’m a nerd.

Experience my nerd-dom.

Yeah. I just bought a couple of presale tickets, $125 each. I get to meet Nobuo Uematsu, who probably doesn’t speak a lick of English. And I will be the guy shaking his hand, saying “Hi. I spent a lot of money to prove what a Goddamned nerd I am. I love your work. Please don’t tell any actual women that I came here. Arrigato.”

*shakes head*

How I get women into bed is a mystery to me.

[ Boromir Kicks Ass ]

I feel bad for the guy, but at least he went out in style.

A weekend television weatherman was fired after he made an on-air racial slur about Martin Luther King Jr., station officials said.

Rob Blair of KTNV-TV was delivering the extended forecast Saturday morning when he said: “For tomorrow, 60 degrees, Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Day, gonna see some temperatures in the mid-60s.”

Jim Prather, vice president and general manager of the ABC affiliate, said Blair stumbled but the excuse was not enough to save his job.

Careful not to mix up words on Valentines Evil Bloodsucking Succubus Whore Day. You might get in a little bit of trouble with the missus.

Here’s a tip. The IRS always fucks you. Always. You can play games with your taxes, and shuffle around bits of money, sure. But you try to fuck them big, and you don’t know what you’re doing, they will fuck you. And with recent budget cuts, you’re looking at Grade D lubrication, friend.

So it should stand to reason that anybody with common sense would not attempt to royally fuck over the IRS without an incredibly good plan, or possibly brain damage. And I wouldn’t imagine that anyone in their right mind would neglect to report over $1 million dollars in prize money, especially considering that person won it in front of 50 million TV viewers. Something tells me that the IRS is gonna figure out that you have the cash, braniac.

Richard Hatch, the first winner of CBS’s “Survivor,” was charged today with failing to report his $1 million reality TV windfall to the Internal Revenue Service. The below two-count criminal information, unsealed today in U.S. District Court in Rhode Island, charges Hatch with filing a false 2000 tax return that omitted his seven-figure “Survivor” winnings. The nudity enthusiast, 43, is also charged with filing a false return for 2001 (he allegedly did not report $321,000 paid to him by a Boston radio station). If convicted of the felony charges, Hatch could face a maximum of five years in prison for each count and could be hit with a $250,000 fine. Hatch is scheduled to be arraigned on the charges in Providence federal court January 24.

And. You’re. An. Idiot.