Category: News

Shed a tear for your old friend Bolt, because that poor bastard has slipped over the hill and is now careening towards his inevitable death. 30 friend, it’s the first day of the end of your existence. I mourn you.

That Basic Instinct 2 trailer from last week was unnervingly fappable. It’s like you can hear the individual grains of sand hitting the bottom of that hourglass. Time to enjoy Sharon Stone while she’s still a MILF, which won’t be much longer.

I get to go up to USC today to give a little seminar/training thing to a bunch of people who barely speak English. Ooooh baby, this is going to be fun, especially when I slip up and say “use your mouse to point and crick here.”

Go, watch the trailer for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby right this minute. I’ll wait.

…

Done? Alright. Now let’s all suffer together as we wait for this glorious-looking film to grace our presence.

The Adventures Of Atari

Watch Atari fight the evil forces of Ninja-Endo as they pave the way for the future of gaming in 1989. Oh if only the brave Atari and his flowing mane of golden locks had been stronger, perhaps we’d have 3D conversions of his company’s games rather than Mario titles. You know, modern-day updates of Pac-Man, Frogger, Pitfall and the like…

Yeah, even so, it’s a shame the faggot (which meant something different to me in ’89) couldn’t hold his own. Felled by the nefarious villain Bankruptcy and his band of evil litigators.

Ooh, sweet update from NHDJ1.

There’s an internet-only trailer for Nacho Libre online, which is directed by Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite). This looks pretty awesome, hopefully Hess does an excellent job with Black’s comedic genius.

Holy hot damn, Emmanuelle Vaugier is looking incredible in the latest issue of Maxim. Almost makes me want to watch her show, “Two & a Half Men.” And by “watch her show” I mean “take pictures of her while she sleeps.”

Same difference.

I thought I recognized her. She’s the hot tramp that takes her top off in 40 Days & 40 Nights. Only thing that made that pile of shit worthwhile.

Quickies:

• Scans from the new Mario DS – Want. Buy. Now.
• Jack Thompson’s open letter to Bono – The man is a fucking lunatic. And he wasn’t very appreciative of his flowers, what a woman.
• Conference on gaming at UCI – Had to plan this for the one weekend in the month where I’ll be out of town on vacation, didn’t you, fuckers?
• Brokeback Sims – Because I want you all to suffer with me.

The newest game in the Katamari Damacy series, Me & My Katamari, will be released for the PSP on March 21st. As a rabid Katamari Damacy fan I am eagerly anticipating this game, and it just might be the game that forces me to update my PSP firmware. This is just a heads-up, as I don’t want any of you to be confused when you see a lot of nerds out in public after March 21st staring at their PSPs with huge smiles on their faces. While they may be looking at porn, they are more likely to be rolling up small children into their katamari of death.

Nintendo Revolution’s Ass Exposed

Pics Of New Nintendo DS Lite

The new DS doesn’t really tickle my fancy (yes ladies, I have a fancy!) but that Revolution book… man I want one of those more than I want the console itself. That’s the raddest coffee table book I’ve ever seen, and it’s just a piece of marketing fluff. Those little slanty eyed bastards should put out a bunch of shiny books with Miyamoto’s notes and a bunch of sketches and then sell them to nostalgic fanboys with disposable income… like me.

Victims Criticize UK’s Digital Crime Sketch Results

Attention all units: Be on the lookout for Barry Hitler, who of course is the product of Adolf Hitler’s incestuous affair with his own sister, and that bastard offspring’s insemination by her own villainous father/uncle’s seed. Be advised, suspect is fairly retarded, and speaks in loud, halting German.