Category: News

She’s certainly a strange chick, but you’ve gotta hand it to Chloe Sevigny… she really likes to take her clothes off. As evidenced by this month’s Purple magazine, which features her, sans clothing. And you can enjoy it now over at SOTD.

If Brown Bunny is to be believed, she can suck a mean dick too. Always a positive trait in a woman.

My mother and grandmother loved that Amerian Idol shit from the start, and I had to listen to both of them drone on about the glory of his high holy spikeyness, Clay Aiken. Every time I’d visit with them, they’d talk about how glorious the little shitstain was, and how they hoped he’d defeat the big fat black dude. I wouldn’t have minded it if my grandmother were more like my grandfather, and laced her hopes with racist terms like “darkie” and “nigger,” but no such luck. I did revel, however, in pointing out his obvious queer nature every time they brought him up. What amazed me was the fact that they would vehemetly deny that he was a pole smoker. It was absolutely baffling to me the level of denial that women will endure just to put someone on a pedistal. I can understand someone denying that Tom Cruise is gay, considering the fact that he’s (supposedly) fucked Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman, but this kid is the living embodiment of every faggot stereotype imaginable. I figured they were an isolated incident, and that at least the rest of America could see that this kid loved the cock.

…but of course, I was wrong, as those Clay Aiken fans are now suing his record label for false representation. Then of course, that dude Simon calls them crazy on Larry King Live, and they just keep digging their own grave.

“We have been dismayed to see our complaint characterized in the media as homophobic. That is not our intention and while central to our complaint it is regrettable that Mr. Aiken’s sexuality has come under scrutiny. Our complaint is not about defaming Mr. Aiken or his sexual preferences. It is directed toward the deceptive practices of the record companies.”

“This is part of a culture of institutional deception behind James Frye, Jason Blair, ENRON, Milli Vanilli, Ashley Simpson and now Clay Aiken. We believe that it is the difference between private behavior versus public responsibility.”

Sweet Margaret’s asshole, what the fuck is wrong with people? How are these bitches even hoping to convince the FTC that they didn’t know of his faggot tendencies prior to these revelations? Were they blind and deaf for the past few years, or were they temporarily stricken with retardation? If the commission uses this complaint for any purpose other than toilet paper, the terrorist win. Plain and simple.

Oh, and sorry Mom, but he’s a queer. …not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Still no home for “Arrested Development.” My spirits are low.

At this point I’d definitely be willing to pay to see the fucking show. Franklin had so much more potential!

I pray. I pray nightly that Kevin Federline continues putting out music.

Oh shit son, he threw us a curveball right there. Stones nicknamed “Barney Rubble.” I’m going to go grab a sock and think about what I’ve done.

I started off the day doing proposals for this and that, figuring I’d get to my normal internet slacking, posting some pie, and being a pompous dick somewhere around 10:30AM.

*looks at watch*

Yeah, sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you want it to. Last weekend, for example, when a few of us went to the Pancake House for some delicious breakfast. My cousin got up when we were seated, citing that he had to take a piss. His minor overshare was only worth noting, because he turned back around that corner just as swiftly as he’d disappeared behind it, only now with a look of shock and horror plastered across his mug. He sat down and stared ahead blankly, which prompted me to ask what caused his swift return and what the fuck was wrong with him. Apparently he walked into the mens room and there, at the urinal, was a 70+ year old man with his entire lower wardrobe around pulled around his ankles as he drained the lizard. Struck with the sudden sight of old wrinkly man ass and the inevitability of more sights to come, my cousin whipped right around and walked back out.

Like I said, life’s full of unexpected turns. And sometimes you’re just a raging pussy in the face of old man nudity.

Dude… I’ve known that Crispin Glover (George McFly from Back To The Future) is a total fucking freak for a long time. Anyone who collects used electric chairs has to have a screw loose somewhere. But what… what the fuck is going on here? (thanks again, FaaQ)

This trailer is for Crispin’s directorial debut: What Is It? Someone should tell that fucker that irony is getting stale. Here’s the lowdown from IMDB:

Tagline: Being the adventures of a young man whose principle interests are snails, salt, a pipe, and how to get home. As tormented by an hubristic, racist inner psyche.

Plot Outline: What Is It? is a bewildering, unnerving, surreal, blackly comic film from the visionary mind of Crispin Glover that tells the inner and outer struggles of a young man facing villains and demons on multiple planes.

Keep in mind that all of the actors aside from Glover have Downs Syndrome. I always thought that he seemed like a semi-talented actor, and reasonably intelligent. Batshit insane, sure, but intelligent enough. I don’t see the need to surround onesself with mentally handicapped actors unless you felt like making yourself look better. I’m pretty sure that kid from “Life Goes On” was in there though, so maybe that’ll deepen the talent pool.

Then, of course, there’s his essay on the film, which… is a real fun read. Here’s a highlight:

Is it possible that the Columbine shootings would have not occurred if Steven Spielberg had never wafted his putrid stench upon our culture, a culture he helped homogenize and propagandize?

Would the culture benefit from Steven Spielberg’s murder, or would it be lessened by making him a martyr? Or would people then begin to realize their lives had become less banal and more interesting due to his departure? Because I think it is possible a beautiful piece of non-lingual music could well be written by an angry victim once Steven Spielberg becomes a corpse. It could be that this angry victim of banal and ruinous propaganda will have written an anthem signaling a new era, a new thought process, a new music, and a new culture that is desperately needed in the coming days, and forevermore.

The bit about Goebbels made me laugh. Hard.

So yeah, Crispin has officially gone bye-bye, Egon. But I’ll still rent his crazy ass movie.

Pirates Attack 2 Navy Warships (via FaaQ)

A dozen suspected pirates on a small fishing boat became prisoners Saturday after they opened fire on two Norfolk-based Navy warships in the Indian Ocean. Five of those captured were wounded and a 13th man was killed, the Navy said.

No one on the Gonzalez, a guided missile destroyer, or the Cape St. George, a guided Updates, photos and video from the Associated Pressmissile cruiser, was hurt.

Why the men opened fire is unclear, but their decision to take on Navy ships in a 30-foot fishing boat was “not too smart at all,” said Cmdr. Jeff Breslau, a Fifth Fleet spokesman in Bahrain.

“If somebody shoots at us, they can pretty much expect to die because we will return fire,” Breslau said by telephone.

Wow, those motherfuckers weren’t going out without a fight. Except that this fight was more like a kitten scratching a scab off of the heel of Mike Tyson and expecting him to bow down. Perhaps the pirates figured that the giant naval warships would see them as “adorable little scamps” and send them on their way.

X-Men 3 Footage From ShoWest

Looks fine, right up until the moment when the Star-Warsesque laser noises start clogging up your eardrums.

Oh and here’s a rundown of the Superman Returns footage that was shown. Sounds pretty decent. I put my faith into three things in this flick: Kevin Spacey, dead Marlon Brando’s voice, and Bryan Singer’s ability to highlight every dude’s pant bulge at any given moment. Beyond that, it’s all a big question mark. Better than the odds on X-3 though, with Ratner at the helm. I’d rather see whatever gay 90-minute compilation of ass/cock shots that a Bryan Singer/Oliver Stone co-directing fest would spit out than whatever shit Ratner is putting into the can.

Time for some videos before I go pound a few carbombs.

• You know Sienna Miller, the chick who’s only famous because Jude Law cheated on her? Well, here she is parading around without her top on. That’ll show him. …and make me happy.
• Must Love Jaws – I gotta admit, I was tired of these trailer re-edits before I even saw one. But this… this is excellent.
• Watch this shit. Right the fuck now.

  I refuse to suffer in solitude. Love is fucking scary.

ILUVYOUILUVYOUILUVYOU!

I have to travel to Loma Linda today for a big meeting of some sort. This saddens me. I particularly enjoyed being blissfully ignorant to this place. All I know is that it’s basically run by Seventh-Day Adventists, which makes the whole place meat-free. Beyond that, it may as well have been Brigadoon to me.

If I could make you all suffer along with me today, I would. No no, don’t mention it. I’m a sharer. I share.