Category: News

Is it just me, or does every female celebrity on the planet have some masochistic urge to take photos of themselves that they wouldn’t want anyone to have posession of, ever? That, or it’s all just a subversive marketing tactic (more likely) to make us all continue to care about people like Britney Spears, who is quite steamed at the moment. Why? Because some online casino just paid $40K for some nude photos of her, pre-K-Fed. Although she’s stating that the photos are fakes, clever Photoshop jobs in an attempt to extort her or capitalize on her fame or some shit. It’s from the Enquirer, so I take it all with a grain of salt, but if it comes true we’ll be on it like white on Michael Jackson.

The Enquirer is reporting that a friend of Britney says the star “is flipping out.” She’s even more furious because “the whole thing is a put up job – the photos are Britney’s head put on someone else’s body,” the friend tells the magazine. In other words – Camp Britney is saying Brit’s head is photoshopped on a nude body.

But the web site reportedly claims they are Brit as a teen completely nude.

Yeah, it’s a longshot. But after the downward spiral she’s been on lately, its nice to fantasize about the old, non-total-fucking-whore Britney.

Man Kills 15-Year Old W/Shotgun For Walking On Lawn ]

Martin: “Kids just been giving me a bunch of (expletive), making other kids harass me in my place, tearing things up.”
911 Operator: “OK, so what’d you do?”
Martin: “I shot him with a (expletive) 4-10 shotgun twice.”
911 Operator: “You shot him with a shotgun? Where is he?”
Martin: “He’s laying in his yard.”

Not fucking kidding, that’s the transcript. I know it reads like the kind of faux-transcript that I’d cook up (minus drug references or something) but this old fucker seriously called up, calm and cool, and had the most blase 911 conversation admitting to murder that I’ve ever heard.

People in Ohio take their lawns seriously, I guess.

I know there have been a lot of reports telling a tale of the future, where Jennifer Love Hewitt is shedding her clothes for the pages of Playboy (I think I even posted something about it) but there’s gotta be more to her upcoming “career” than possibly causing a short-but-sweet jerkoff session in my bathroom followed by 50 years of graceful aging. So I looked her up, and guess what? She’s actually working! That’s right, she’ll be starring in the sequel to 2002’s smash hit Garfield. Oh joy of joys, I can’t wait for the presell! This is going to be an event to behold! Good GOD these pills are fantastic.

Is her show “Ghost Whisperer” fucking cancelled yet? As soon as they can that shit, she’ll be topless faster than you can say “Can’t Hardly Wait.”

For my cousin, the one who witnessed the nude old man last weekend: a treat. He was young enough (I guess) to like Power Rangers like 12 years ago, a fact that I mocked him for incessantly. Now, I would like to present to him some information on a former hero:

• Exhibit A
• Exhibit B
• Exhibit C

That is all.

Thanks for your time.

I dunno why I stayed out of the whole Isaac Hayes/South Park debacle, considering my established stance on scientology. Probably just laziness. But I have to say something now that this old Opie and Anthony clip has been found, where he specifically states that he has no problem with the episode.

If he hasn’t suffered a stroke, and feels that this is the best decision for his career, why does he need a spokesperson to do all the talking for him? Why not silence the rumors and just come out and say it himself? Probably because the poor bastard is probably walking around a flagpole in the high desert right about now.

Someone thinks that Britney Spears is the perfect model for the Pro-Life message? Now that’s irony. (thanks Dave) I think she’s an ideal model for the Malthion X project, personally.

A nude Britney Spears on a bearskin rug while giving birth to her firstborn marks a ‘first’ for Pro-Life. Pop-star Britney Spears is the “ideal” model for Pro-Life and the subject of a dedication at Capla Kesting Fine Art in Brooklyn’s Williamsburg gallery district, in what is proclaimed the first Pro-Life monument to birth, in April.

Dedication of the life-sized statue celebrates the recent birth of Spears’ baby boy, Sean, and applauds her decision of placing family before career. “A superstar at Britney’s young age having a child is rare in today’s celebrity culture. This dedication honors Britney for the rarity of her choice and bravery of her decision,” said gallery co-director, Lincoln Capla. The dedication includes materials provided by Manhattan Right To Life Committee.

That is fucking revolting. It’s disgusting enough to know that she and that mouth breather successfully procreated, let alone have to witness her squeeze that little bloody product of white trash lust out of her gaping loins. Ecch, if Kevin didn’t put out shit like Popozao to keep me entertained (laughing), I’d have to sic the monkey whordes on the entire shoeless clan.

Charlie Sheen officially says “fuck you” to his career.

It appears that actor Charlie Sheen has joined the chorus of conspiracy theorists that believe the attacks on 9/11 are not exactly as America watched unfold on live TV.

“There was a feeling, it just didn’t look any commercial jetliner I’ve flown on any time in my life and then when the buildings came down later on that day I said to my brother ‘call me insane, but did it sorta look like those buildings came down in a controlled demolition’?”

It’s unclear what Sheen believed it would look like as a plane crashed into one of the twin towers or what he believed the buildings would look like as they collapsed.

Actually, nevermind. Crackpot shit like this would never tarnish his shimmering image.

If he were commenting on say, the realism of a hooker’s bedroom performance or the quality of some cocaine, I’d take heed. The realism of a plane crash causing thousands of death, maybe not. Then again, he was in Terminal Velocity, and that’s gotta count for something.

Here’s the ending to the abysmal CD-i game, Link: The Faces of Evil. Sweet Jesus, I get mad just watching the twitchy movements. I want to throw a controller that I’m not even holding.

More Zelda goodness:

• Link: Faces of Evil Intro – Every bit as bad as the ending. Link’s a fucking pushy guy, he’s got less game than Steve Urkel on a bad hair day.
• Crazy Zelda Commercial – Why this would make anyone want to play any game, ever, I’ll never know. It does make me a little horny though, is that bad?
• Zelda CD-I: Wand of Camelon ending – Oh sweet Jesus. I like the one shot/one kill final boss though. They were probably amazed that anyone was even still playing this piece of shit, so why not let them finish as quickly as possible?

  Oh, and the intro is also a treasure.

• Zelda Cartoon: Episode 12 – I bought these on DVD awhile back. I remember Friday being the shiznight, because the normal Super Mario Bros. cartoon was replaced with Zelda, my once a week treat for enduring 5 days of school.
• Zelda Pron – ….you know you’re going to look, you sick fuck.

Grumble Grumble, bitches.

Like many slices, I don’t really know a damned thing about Kristin Cavalleri other than the fact that she was on “Laguna Beach.” I tried watching about ten minutes of that show, as I lived in Laguna Beach for many years and wanted to see if it was accurately represented in this “reality” show.

Yeah… the whole show was full of douchebags and hot bitchy sluts. Sounded about right to me.

I’ve heard from multiple people that none of the shit on that show is real. Wouldn’t surprise me. I’d write more sex and accidental nudity into it though, fucking lazy writers.

Zelda DS: Phantom Hourglass

Dammit I am hard now.

Harrrrr.