Category: News

Sharon Stone has some words of comfort for all you rape victims out there: you should have blown the guy.

“Her mother was trying to talk to her about not being inappropriately luring. I said, ‘Gee that would look much nicer with a camisole under.’ “Her mother walked away, and I said to the girl, ‘I’d like to give you a two-minute conversation about sex.’ “Young people talk to me about what to do if they’re being pressed for sex? I tell them (what I believe): oral sex is a hundred times safer than vaginal or anal sex.

“If you’re in a situation where you cannot get out of sex, offer a blow job. I’m not embarrassed to tell them.”

This coming from a woman who showed her vagina to every man with eyes on the planet.

Maybe she and Whitney should get together and have a tea party. And by tea party, I mean sodomize one another with toys while doing lines of coke off the bathroom floor.

Occasionally singing crackhead Whitney Houston just might be carrying a crack-addicted baby.

In an interview with Sister 2 Sister magazine, the singer gave the impression that his wife of 14 years was resting at their home in Atlanta, because they were trying for a baby.

Despite the rumours of a split, Brown proudly revealed that the couple is hpoing for a bigger family.

He told the magazine, “I’M hoping that she’s pregnant right now… She’s just resting.”

No word yet on which one of her coke-laced sex toys is the father. We’ll keep you posted.

Scarlett Johansson just got named “Sexiest Woman Alive” by FHM magazine. If I gave a shit what FHM magazine thought, that might mean something. As it stands, it’s really just an excuse for me to ogle the pics from that particular issue. Which, btw, are all right here. Enjoy.

Today has all been favors, favors, favors for other people. At the office, for the woman, for friends, I haven’t done jack shit for myself all day. I’d better be getting free beer and some fierce oral later, or somebody’s getting shot.

In case you didn’t know, Whitney Houston is a complete fucking crackwhore.

In a shocking interview, the mother of six told how Whitney spends days locked in her bedroom amid piles of rubbish.

There the woman who co-starred with Kevin Costner in the 1992 hit movie The Bodyguard smokes crack, uses sex toys to satisfy herself and ignores personal hygiene.

When high on drugs, she imagines she sees demons and is being beaten by them.

Interesting read. If even half of this shit is true, she seriously needs some help. I wonder if my Mom knows about all of this, she used to be a huge Whitney Houston fan. It’s kind of leaving the “hilariously sad” and heading into the “depressingly tragic” territory.

I do get a funny visual of a cracked out Whitney sodomizing herself with a dildo in a bathroom while she swats at non-existent demons.

Ron Burgundy’s ESPN Audition

Hi-fucking-larious.

Holy Hell am I tired. Too tired to come up with something terribly witty involving Victoria Adams (Beckham) for her stint as slice of the day. But hey, you’re a self sufficient lot, you can handle this for one night by yourselves. Just remember no sugar before bed and no rated R movies, you’ll have nightmares.

Now keep it down in here for awhile, I’m going to see if I can schtup your mother again before I hit the hay.

You’ve gotta wonder just what it’s like to be Kevin Federline. I mean the guy must know what a walking, talking douchebag the world sees him as. He’s also gotta know that anyone who buys his soon-to-be-released album, Playing with Fire, is doing so simply for the comedic value. He is undoubtedly aware that he’s pretty much the punchline to the joke that is Britney Spears’ career these days. So you’ve gotta ponder what it’s like to come to grips with all of those facts, just for the sake of money. I mean I’m sure he’s crying all the way to the bank, but at what point to you feel good about exchanging all respectability for a Ferrari?

…and how do I follow suit?

The supremely awesome Kevin Federline has named his debut album Playing With Fire and the expected release date for this album is August 2006. As you may know, he made his first promotional club appearance this past Saturday, March 25th at Vision Club in Atlanta, GA. Usher, Nelly and Jazze Pha were all in attendance and the event has been called a “huge success!” (in a press release). He’s going to make promotional appearances at clubs across the country and will help out local charities in the cities he visits. Here’s what the man himself has to say about the album and tour:

“The inspiration and meaning behind the title Playing With Fire is self explanatory. I’m excited about this album and am looking forward to continuing my promotional club tour in support of it and seeing the first-hand reaction of my fans listening to my songs for the first time. My album is sure to set the dance floors across the world on fire!”

Moral bankruptcy and a loaded wallet seem to go hand in hand.

You know he’s totally self-aware, he must be. It’s the only way to explain his appearance on a day-to-day basis.

Wilmer Valderrama was on Stern yesterday and apparently spilled the beans on his sex life, and was about as humble as can be. And by humble, I mean he sounded like a complete fucking prick. You’ve gotta admire the man’s balls though, especially since they’re close to a still-within-regulation-sized cock that he seems to think is quite special.

Howard said that he had a list of women with whom Wilmer allegedly has had sex and wanted his thoughts on each of them. The first name Howard mentioned was Jennifer Love Hewitt, who Wilmer replied “was an eight.”

Because of the number of A-Listers on Wilmer’s list of sexual partners, Howard asked him if he’s well-endowed. Wilmer responded that he’s “been blessed” in that department, before saying that his penis is more than eight inches long.

The dude claimed to have bagged a number of starlets, including Jennifer Love Hewitt, Mandy Moore, and Ashlee Simpson. Apparently Ashlee was a screamer in the sack, which is funny considering all the vocal help she needed on SNL.

Time for some gaming news kiddies, hold on to your hats.

• New Castlevania DS Soon? – I still haven’t finished the old one, so I don’t know why I’m so damned excited about the possibility of another. Dammit I am a consumer whore.
• Metroid Manga – This is pretty fucking slick. If you feel the need, there’s a flash version in Japanese too, complete with music and some animation.
• Zelda: The Movie? – Reggie from NOA talks about Metroid for the big screen, and drops the possibility of a feature length Zelda flick in the future. Considering the shitty fan-films I’ve seen, I just hope that they come up with better looking tights. We’ve already discussed how the Japanese love to faggot up our heroes, especially Link, so God only knows what will come of this.
• From the Magic Box:
  

  Rockstar Games has registered a trademark protection in US for a new game title Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories on March 21, 2006. Which seems to be the next GTA title for PSP.

  Awesome. Yet another handheld game that excites me, even though I haven’t gotten around to completing its predecessor.

So Captain Terror has been bugging me for a long time about putting up Dania Ramirez, and I’ve been putting it off in hopes that I’d be able to find a shitload of excellent photos. No such luck, but I was able to get a gallery together and up over at SOTD, so now you all get to enjoy the fruits of his naggin’. Enjoy brotha.

Apparently Dania is going to play Callisto in X-3, but that’s no excuse for being in She Hate Me. Nobody has an excuse for being in a Spike Lee joint. Death, threat of rape, familial ties… I’m certain I could say fuck you and brush that idiot off in any of these cases. Still, I think she made out with a chick in that flick, so I guess he can’t be all bad. Just mostly bad. Which is more that I can say for Michael Bay, so he’s got one up on whitey.