Category: News

Holy boner in Bob Dole’s underoos, did you know that Vida Guerra is going to be in Playboy this month? That’s right, issues should be shipping out to your newsstands as we sweat with anticipation. And I’ll do my best to get em to you as soon as they’re available. In the meantime, here’s her ass with a little more clothing on it.

Apparently the new gallery images are from “Black Men” magazine. I didn’t even know that such a circulation existed. I find it stereotypically hilarious (and hot) that they feature such a huge spread dedicated to one of the hugest and finest asses in Hollywood. Do they have a photo shoot with Keyra Agustina eating some juicy watermelon coming up next month?

The Pirate Bay is back.

In case you hadn’t heard, the Pirate Bay, famous for thumbing their noses at the MPAA and other such organizations, was raided by Swedish police this week. The US government sat down with the Swedes and asked them to have a little “chit-chat” with the server operators regarding the legality of the content. Of course, a few days later the Pirate Bay is back up and running and business is back to normal. Well, most of it.

I’m waiting for the pirates to update the blog. I’m quite interested to hear what’s happened the last few days.

Seems that while I’ve been out doing actual work (I know, it leaves a foul taste in my mouth too) Microsoft was doing some work of their own… by tanking their reputation amongst legacy owners. In an interview with Kikizo, Peter Moore stated that backwards compatibility for the 360 might soon be ditched.

“Nobody is concerned anymore about backwards compatibility. We under promised and over delivered on that. It’s a very complicated thing… very complex work. I’m just stunned that we have hundreds of games that are backwards compatible.”

He added: “more are coming, but at some point, you just go, there’s enough, let’s move on, or people aren’t as worried about a game being backwards compatible – and I like to think we’ve upheld our end of the bargain in making at least two or maybe three hundred games backwards compat.”

As you can imagine, the backlash in the gaming community was received about as well as Tom Leykis at a NOW fundraiser. The outcry was loud and abusive, with seemingly no word to the contrary from the big M. Thankfully, if this story is to be believed, Peter Moore is a fucking idiot:

The entry on the blog said an update was due soon that would add another dozen titles to the roster of those that can already be played on the Xbox 360.

More than 200 Xbox games can be played on the next-generation console. “But rest assured, we’re not done yet,” it added.

The blog entry said too many people cared about backwards compatibility to halt work on the development programme to move old games to the new console.

I read a lot of comments from different users, more than likely a bunch of 12-year-olds with daddy’s credit card, who seemed to think that backwards compatibility is a non-issue. I saw a lot of “who cares” and “why bother” and “you’re a bunch of crybabies” being shouted (in text form) to the masses complaining over the controversial move. It is quite tragic that most of these morons are ill informed to the fact that their opinion does not necessarily reflect everyone else’s opinions. And the fact of the matter is, backwards compatibility has become a huge selling point for game systems since the PS2 and GBA popularized the trend. Families who cannot afford to drop $400 on an Xbox 360, plus the additional hundreds of dollars for games and accessories, are quite relieved to hear that their children will still be able to play older, popular games on the system. And in case you snot nosed little pricks didn’t know, parents are one of the biggest demographics when it comes to these consoles.

I kind of miss the old days, when the web was filled with “internet tough guys” and dudes posing as women. Kids these days seem about as smart as a Pauly Shore comedy.

For an unemployed guy, I sure do work a fucking lot.

I apologize for the lack of updates this week, I’ve been working out in the field since Monday trying to drum up as much business as possible, all the while earning a steady paycheck. Things are looking pretty good at the moment, so I’m quite pleased, but I have been neglecting you, my poor internet lovers. For this, I intend to make things up to you in spades. In the meantime, try to bear with your ol’ pal Sharkey.

The good news is, the new system that will run BAMF is nearly operational. We’re going to be on the lookout for quality writers who want to be part of the new features and content we’re going to focus on here. So if you’re an egotistical prick with a talent for writing, hit me up with an email and some samples of what you can do. If you focus on a specific aspect of the site (music, games, women), even better.

Speaking of which, I’d better upload some game news, humor, and titties before the rest of you get cranky.

Hahahahahahahahahaha (Ghost Rider trailer, in case you missed it)

I get back from work to find a bevvy of Nintendo related news. Every time I post some story about the Wii or the DS, I kind of feel like I am humbly realigning karma, since I so greatly doubted them in the past. That, and the stories make my penis hard in a way that probably makes my girlfriend a bit nervous. First of all, Nintendo finally put an official $250 price tag on the Wii. That’s half the price of Sony’s totally fucking worthless 20GB version of the PS3. That’s $150 less than the 360. And at the moment, the Wii has more titles that I desperately want than the other two combined. Matter of fact, Nintendo’s entire 2006 lineup is shaping up to be pretty fantastic. I am hurt and hardened by this. My wallet is pleased as punch though.

Speaking of which, these Zelda: Twilight Princess screenshots are quite excellent. I’d really like some amazing news on the PS3, PSP, or Xbox 360 front, because I’m really tired of whoring out BAMF to Nintendo and not getting a fat paycheck for it.

I still haven’t mentioned the details of my departure from work, but until I get the opportunity to put my thoughts down into a possibly long-winded-yet-comically-smartassed tale, suffice to say that I’m better off. Today, for example, I’ll be working for a solid 2 hours instead of the 8 of previous times, and making about the same amount. That means I get to come straight home to you baby, and have delicious comedy dinner waiting for you when you return from your lunch break. The kids will be bathed, the dog will be walked, and I’ll probably slip into something that flatters my ass. No no, you put your feet up and relax… you’ve had a hard day at work.

…chump.

• Miyamoto Shows Off Wii Features – Same old excellent stuff, with one minor addition. Those avatar-like faces that you put on the Wii tennis guys? Apparently those faces (you, essentially) will pop up randomly in other games. That’s… that’s kinda fucking cool. Although knowing the Japanese, they’ll probably make us all into some sort of whining effeminate boygirl, casually flirting with Link while wearing one of those green Hyrulian skirts. And of course, somehow, Nintendo will make me like it.
• Tomb Raider Remake For PSP – Might include a remake of the second one as well. New moves, new graphics, new stuff. It’s sad that this is one of very few upcoming games for the PSP that piques my interest. The device is dynamite Sony, this should have been a slam dunk. Let’s move it.
• Frugal Gamer: Cheap Games @ Circuit City – Ten bucks for a ton of games that I meant to play and never got around to purchasing. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, Metroid Prime: Echoes, HL2 (Xbox), Dragon Quest VIII, just to name a few. Might be worth your while to stop by and pick something up, considering there’s barely anything worth playing on the shelves right now.

  Oh, and on the PSP tip, here’s a pretty slick D-Pad cover that comes bundled with Tekken

• DS Vibration Cartridge – Mario & Luigi RPG 2, Metroid Pinball, Shunkan Puzz Loop and Metroid Prime Hunters are the only titles that work with this thing so far, but more are on the way. Hopefully they put out a US version that comes in cheaper, although $25 isn’t much at all. But still, after the exchange, the thing retails for the equivalent of twelve bucks over in Slantyland.

  Oh, and Starfox for the DS is coming out in Japan this August. Hopefully the US version comes out around the same time, so I won’t have to import.

Alright, that’s enough for now. Get back to work, slackers. I’m going to do the same, and come back here in a couple of hours and touch myself before playing Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles or something.

Rest in peace, Paul Gleason.

Now that all of the authoritative executors of scholastic discipline throughout 80’s movies (my formal training for all things in life) have passed on into the next realm, I fear that I may run amok in a fit of egotistical freedom and angst.

…oh, I guess I do that regardless. Carry on.

Dannii Minogue was mentioned on Friday, but not linked to, because she apparently didn’t have a gallery up over at SOTD. This, thanks to my complaints, has been rectified. You may thank me later.

You can probably see Dannii during the soon-to-be-announced tour for her soon-to-be-released album “My Famous Sister Almost Died, Let Me Tell You Why You Should Pay Attention To Me.” You think she’ll play Madison Square on that one?

We all went and saw X-3 last night and tragically, my girlfriend was the only person who actually enjoyed the flick. I spent most of the movie holding my head in my hands as Brett Ratner personally took a shit on the franchise, just as I thought he would. I won’t get into anything spoilerrific here, but I’ll break down some thoughts on the flick in general fashion. Here’s what I thought sucked:

• The drama. Only someone as untalented as Brett Ratner can make me not give a shit when such dramatic and possibly tear-jerking events happen. There are at least four huge moments in the script that are supposed to shock and create an emotional response in the audience… I just sat through them wondering if they were a joke. In fact, during one scene at Jean Grey’s home (if you’ve seen it, you know the scene I’m referring to) something very important happens, and I literally thought that it was going to wind up being some sort of dream sequence, or trick to fool the audience. Not because I didn’t want it to happen, but because it was done so poorly. There seemed to be no setup, no reasoning behind it, and no purpose for it in the movie whatsoever. Dramatic devices with no payoff make for a bad film.
• The characters. It seems like Ratner spent about five minutes on each new character, and that was it. Rogue was in the movie for what, three scenes? And what happens with her at the end of the movie was tacked on, like they realized at the last minute “oh shit, right, we forgot about her.”

  And how about Angel? They feature him prominently in the trailers, but he’s in three fucking scenes as an adult that I can remember. He may as well have not been in the movie whatsoever. They didn’t even resolve his conflict with his father, not that the story had been established enough to make me care in the first place.

  Then you’ve got Leech. A profoundly tragic figure, being utilized to knock out the powers of his fellow mutants all the while being forced to sit and stare as these amazing things happen outside his window. But do we ever get an ounce of character development beyond him putting his hand on the glass and looking sad? No. Why bother, we’ve got 8 other new characters to not develop properly. Let’s move along.

• Jean/Phoenix. If you’re going to make the movie about Jean Grey, and her completely rewritten backstory… how about putting her in the fucking film!?!? If they were going to paint the picture of a tragic backstory of a character, it should have been Wolverine or Storm considering they were the only mutants besides Magneto that had any kind of decent screen time.
• The stunt work. I’m nitpicking now, but all of the wirework looked ridiculous. Every time Storm flew and did her spinny bullshit, or Beast leapt through the air, I laughed.

It seems like Ratner was more interested in giving fanboys a bunch of wet-dreamlike moments (fastball special, stars-and-garters, Iceman’s…iceness) rather than spending time on the actual plot. Not to mention the fact that he was developing about 8 different plots, and didn’t give proper time to a single one of them. You’ve got Jean’s story, Warren’s decision to stay a mutant, Rogue’s difficulties with Iceman, The team’s inability to work together effectively (this lasted a minute, and was brought back at the very end), Leech and his sad existence, Storm being groomed as the new leader, the future of the school, Cyclops and his struggles… it’s just too fucking much. All of these seemingly major plot devices are pared down to about ten minutes apiece and served up like a dinner comprised entirely of appetizers.

I’m sure a lot of you liked the mindless fun and action, and more power to you. I’m glad somebody liked it. But the fact of the matter is, this film did a lot of bad things for the franchise, and I frankly hope that they end it with this film.

I wonder what Bryan Singer has to say about this shitheap?I could go on, but many of the major issues I had with the flick would give away some pretty hefty spoilers, so we’ll just cut it off here.