Category: News

Super Mario World Room.

You could have some really oddly fucked up sex in that room.

Spider-Man 3 trailer. Bootleg, but who cares?

Oh, and some snakes on a mothafuckin’ plane.

As soon as she said the word “drool” I lost all ability to stiffify my wang for at least the next few hours. I think I’ll take a nap until this is rectified.

Jon Stewart on the House & Violent Video Games

Why the Hell did nobody laugh during that multimedia presentation?

[ Toshiba Unveils 1TB HD DVD Recorder ]

And it is fucking sexy.

Anybody here make it to the theaters to see Mission Impossible 3? I didn’t, and sadly I missed out on the fantastic Michelle Monaghan, who was apparently quite hot in the flick. But now that I’ve seen her bare-ass nekkid in Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang, I don’t really need to see that Tom Cruise shitfest, do I?

Let us all revel in this fact by partaking of her gallery.

How many times do you think that a poorly-conceived “I’d like to Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang her” joke has been made since she took her top off in that film? I could attempt to figure out a rough estimate, but no doubt the US government has given a grant to a team of crack scientists who will not rest until a proper equation is formulated, tested, and formulated yet again. I’m guessing it’d be something like:

(Box Office Dollars / Average Ticket Cost) / (Douches Who Saw It – Nearby Women) = Why the fuck did I bring this up?

Pitchfork put up this list a long while back (pretty sure I linked to it) describing their list of 100 awesome music videos. Note that they don’t use the words “best” or “top,” just 100 of their personal favorites. Well, thanks to the venture capital draining power of Youtube, they’ve given you the ability to watch every single fucking one. I was quite pleased to see Electric Six in the mix, but especially tickled to see this Blur video, which Bud introduced me to back in the days of BAMF’s infancy.

I particularly appreciate the fact that Blind Melon’s video for “No Rain” featuring the Bee Girl did not appear on this list.

So last week I did a favor and went down to this Catholic school (K-6, hot!) to help them out. As I walked into the teacher’s lounge area, I paused at a particular image of Jesus with a group of children. I stood there for a few seconds staring, trying to comprehend what I was seeing.

I had to snap a photo. Maybe it was the fact that I’d just watched The Longest Yard two weeks ago, but I definitely see the divine presence in this imagery. I can almost hear the conversation.

Child: “Jesus, why do you let bad things happen to good people?”
Jesus: “Yeah, that’s not my name.”
Child: *sighs* “OK…. Turd Ferguson.”
Jesus: “HA HA! Heh, yeah, whadd’you want?”

Heh, dammit, now I want to watch Celebrity Jeopardy. Here’s that particular episode I was quoting, just in case you need it.

Jennifer Aniston’s ass. Not much else you can say about it. Might brighten your day.

Re: Jessica Simpson in Maxim this month…

The hair: meh.

The tits: spectacular.

Seriously, when your hair change makes it look that much like a wig, it seems like an open insult to celebrity cancer victims everywhere. All the blondes I know want to be redheads, probably for the purposes of seeming to be more intelligent. Little do they realize that blonde, brunette, redhead, bald, all women are at least the base amount of stupid. Hair color doesn’t quite factor in. Not that this doesn’t apply to all humans mind you, we try to pay more attention to female insanity than their level of intelligence. And frankly, hot redheads are usually a little more fucked up than the rest.

So basically, Jessica is attempting to give off a vibe that says “I’m single, smarter than the blonde you saw on ‘Newlyweds,’ and ready to make some other schmuck’s life miserable with my craziness.” Bravo.