Category: News

If I had any legitimate children, here is what their misappropriated child support would have been spent on this week:

• Young And Revolting and Revoltingly Young, the latest two C.D. Payne books in the Nick Twisp series, have now made it to Amazon. I’m finished with the book 5 and midway through book 6, and plan to review them sometime in the next week.
• Starfox DS – Here’s hoping that the controls don’t blow, because daddy really needs a bitchin’ Starfox title after the lameness on the Gamecube. Plus, I could really use a new DS game to wash the Tenchu DS out of my mouth.
• Arrested Development: Season 3 – 8 bazillion shitty reality TV shows endure on primetime, yet one of the best shows ever made somehow only makes it through three seasons. Fucking ridiculous. Still, this boxed set is only $20, which is a pretty sweet deal for the amount of comedy they pack into every episode.

Remember last week, when I said that the Transformers flick might be good? Yeah, let’s downgrade that to a very slight possibility.

Not Fooling Anybody seeks to out businesses in your area that look oddly familiar. Such as that chiropractic office with the bucket out front, or the deja-vu inducing Exaco gas station.

Those Jon’s Marketplaces have been popping up all around LA and Orange County, although I’ve yet to saunter into one. I can say that the one steakhouse that got converted into an OG Pancake House is far better off. I say let them convert old churches into the Pancake House, I’ll say hallelujah. And try to work in a few more Roscoe’s while youre at it.

Starcraft 2 Rumors!

Daddy likes this, as long as they don’t make it too much like Warcraft 3. I kind of miss the feel of War 2 and Starcraft, so I’m hoping that they’ll give me what I want. That way I can successfully say that I completely ignored WoW because I downright refuse to install that crack on my machine.

Plus, I like to look down on WoW geeks as if they are lowlier geeks than I. No need to ruin that.

Internet Explorer 7 (RC1) Released

I’m not so sure. I spent awhile getting used to Firefox and feeling good about the massive memory usage and frequent crashes. I don’t want to attach myself to yet another browser that somehow causes the blue screen of death, which I seem to recall MS stating would be eliminated from XP. Magical, magical these browsers are I say.

Leaked images of the Transformers

The genre is right up Bay’s alley, the images look pretty freaking awesome… this might actually be a pretty good flick.

Things to buy today: The Wizard on DVD, starring Sir Frederick of Savage in his greatest role ever. Also starring the chick from Rilo Kiley as “that girl who screams ‘He touched my breast!'” also known as the hottest line ever uttered in any film since the dawn of time.

Things to burn in angst-filled disgust today: Tenchu DS. The DS stands for “Dark Secret,” and the dark secret is that this game is a bigger piece of shit than anything that ever came out on the Philips CD-i. It took longer for me to actually purchase this game than it did for me to start up the DS, begin playing, and come to the conclusion that I want to stab the developers responsible for this shitfest right in their soulless eyes.

It amazes me that all of these developers still bother coming up with acronyms to suit the whole “DS” theme, as if they had a choice. When Nintendo says “put a DS at the end” they mean “put a DS at the end or you’ll be stuck developing for the PSP, gaijin dog.” If it were me, I’d just let them call it DS and not bother coming up with something clever just so that it seemed like I had some semblance of creative control in regards to the title.

Hey, that new Indiana Jones flick sure sounds like it could be mildly decent, right? Right? Well, not so much.

“We’re basically going to do The Phantom Menace”, says Lucas (stay with him here, he’s making a point). “People’s expectations are way higher than you can deliver. You could just get killed for the whole thing…We would do it for fun and just take the hit with the critics and the fans…But nobody wants to get into it unless they are really happy with it”.

…yeah. Or you could just make something decent. Since not one five minute span was decent in the entirety of the new Star Wars trilogy, I’d say that the guy is really attempting to lower our standards on this one. Basically, he’s going to make Indy incessantly whine about sand snakes and he’ll decide to take the path of evil because… well, he had some nightmares.

…Nazi nightmares.

Eva Longoria did a spread for the September issue of Maxim. She may be an annoyingly conceited and bitchy little tramp, but… but look at those legs!

Hopefully Eva wises up and decides to cash in on nude roles before her slowly deteriorating body becomes of no use to us. Of course, considering the fact that her next major role is in How I Met My Boyfriend’s Dead Fiancée starring Jason Biggs… she might not have a choice.

…which is just how I like ’em.

Chose this show to debut himself? How about “this was the only show that found him hilarious enough to lower its standards.”Snow should really consider making a comeback right now. “Informer” looks like a masterpiece of modern hip-hop in comparison to anything Federleezy puts together.

A licky boom boom down.