Category: News

The official trailer for Frank Miller’s The 300 has been released, and it is fan-fucking-tastic. Standard, HD, iPod video, pick your poison.

Tonight is the season premiere of “Lost,” and I plan to watch it in glorious high definition on the new TV of giantness. I’d imagine that Evangeline Lilly will look ten times sexier in hi-def, as opposed to that episode of “Wheel of Fortune” we caught the other night. Good mother of God, crystal clear picture can be a blessing and a curse, especially when Pat Sajack’s huge fucking noggin’ is involved.

So, “Lost.” There are a couple of spoilerish videos out there for those of you who cannot resist. Here’s one, and here’s another. Go ahead, have a look.

*Emporer Voice* “Youuu want this…. don’t you?”

Either the Brits have no sense of taste whatsoever, or they really hate themselves. There’s no other possible reason that something so turgid and devoid of talent can be the top requested funeral song in Great Britain.

The top 10 requested songs were:

1 – “Goodbye My Lover” – James Blunt
2 – “Angels” – Robbie Williams
3 – “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” – Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley
4 – “Wind Beneath My Wings” – Bette Midler
5 – “Pie Jesu” – Requiem
6 – “Candle In The Wind” – Elton John
7 – “With Or Without You” – U2
8 – “Tears In Heaven” – Eric Clapton
9 – “Every Breath You Take – The Police
10 -“Unchained Melody” – Righteous Brothers.

If ever I am submitted to a funeral featuring this song, composed and performed by the most talentless twat I’ve witnessed in many years, then I hope that I was the cause of death for that particular tasteless corpse. That, or some sort of practical joke on a deceased friend with a good sense of humor, are the only two passable reasons that I can muster for such a travesty.

… “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life” made me chuckle though.

It’s sad that school shootings are so “business as usual” in the USA, but they’re becoming far too commonplace for any of us to really stand up and take notice when they appear on the news.

Well, almost.

PARADISE, Pennsylvania (CNN) — A 32-year-old truck driver walked into a one-room Amish schoolhouse Monday, binding and shooting three girls execution-style before killing himself, police said.

Eight other girls were wounded in the attack, which police said appeared to be a revenge killing for an incident that occurred two decades ago.

“It seems as though he wanted to attack young female victims, and this is close to his residence. That’s the only reason we can figure that he went to the school,” said Miller.

It would have made for quite a few punchlines had the shooter actually been Amish, rather than merely crazy. At least with a guy that age, Marilyn Manson is probably off the hook. And come to think of it, so are games like Doom and GTA. They like to state that these school-killers “hones their craft” with such games, but I’d imagine it doesn’t even take seasoned pointing-and-clicking skills to knock off a few Amish schoolgirls. Just shout that there’s an apple pick or a barn raising happening outside and point the futuristic death contraption at the unwitting fodder.

Yeah, I’m a bad man, but they’ll never know. Unless someone transcribes the internet and hand delivers it to the farm.

For a girl who’s talents I completely do not appreciate, nor acknowledge, Beyonce Knowles still has other talents that I am interested in. Soft talents. Fleshy talents. …soft, fleshy talents.

…

psst…. I was talking about her boobs.

*Update* Hey, how about trying this post with an actual working link. That’s just one benefit of your new badassmofo.com, now with 27% less brain damage.

How did I not hear about the new Electric Six album, Switzerland? I had to hear it from the forum people, the forum.

I’m going to listen to this a few times. In the meantime, I want you to sit there and think about what you’ve done. Or haven’t done.

MPAA Uses Trained Dogs To Sniff Out Pirated DVDs

…and then remembers that they don’t smell any different than legitimate DVDs.

Everyone should know by now that I’ve got a Superman fetish. This usually raises an eyebrow or two from various girlfriends, but it makes book purchases much more simple. The other day for example, the girl and I were picking out books for the trip… well, I was… and I stumbled upon It’s Superman: A Novel. I actually really enjoyed this one. It takes a lot of liberties with the storyline, but it makes for a really great story. Much darker than anything canon, and it sets the stage back in the early thirties. Clark is less of a boyscout, Lois is a typical woman, and you can almost empathize with Lex Luthor’s complete contempt for humanity. Well, I do anyway.

Next on my list to pick up is World War Z, which has been discussed quite a bit in the forums lately. Zombie War, mayhem and carnage, sounds right up my alley. Plus it’s been optioned by Paramount and possibly Brad Pitt, so you can get ahead of the curve and be all cool, like people who had read Fight Club before it was filmed. Lousy jerks, think they’re so great.

Finally, an excuse to use my poorly-photoshopped “Screech flipping the bird” image again. It seems that Dustin Diamond, chess mogul and former landowner in Wisconsin (I think) has been caught with his pants down. And defecating, somewhat, in his very own porno film.

Hold your vomit until later.

Everyone who remembers Diamond as a lovable putz is in for a shock once they see a 40-minute video in which he engages in a kinky three-way with two women, sources tell us.

We can’t get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a “Dirty Sanchez.”

Phoenix-based agent David Hans Schmidt, who has brokered some of Hollywood’s biggest celebrity-skin deals, confirms that he’s acquired the rights to a tape featuring Diamond.

“Just when you think you have seen everything in this business,” he tells us, “mankind has raised the bar another notch. Or lowered it.”

Eh, my childhood has already been given the dirty sanchez by life, it may as well be peed on and buried.

*Update* There’s a video preview. SFW, thank God.

There’s a lovely new Jennifer Lopez set up over at SOTD. Nice to see that her caboose is still fapworthy at times.

And just in case that didn’t float your boat, here are some of Midway’s Arcade Treasures free to play online. Rampage, Defender, Joust… it makes these ol’ britches of mine very happy.

Britches, you like that? I got that one up in hicksville, consider it a gift.