Category: News

The ebb: Jessica Alba is pregnant.
The flow: Jessica Simpson is considering going nude in a film.

Unless the Simpson news is just bullshit media fluff, it seems that life has its ways of balancing everything out. Kind of like how Charisma Carpenter did Playboy, but wound up having weird nipples.

There’s not much that can distract my attention from Hayden Panettiere on “Heroes” but the excruciatingly cute Kristen Bell does a mighty fine job. The recent spread in Complex had some additional photos that didn’t make the mag, so go check out the whole collection in the gallery.

Now that Ali Larter has been blown to bits, (though the rumor is that her “Jessica” persona will be back somehow) there’ll be a little more time for a potential Claire/Elle lesbian affair. I can dream.

Also, that “Jessica returns” rumor had better not be true. I hate that the show made me dislike watching Ali, and I don’t want to revisit those feelings any time soon.

Holy shit, anyone who is a fan of Alan Moore’s “Watchmen” should take a look at these backlot photos that FaaQ just sent me. The scenery is just… ridiculously spot-on. Hopefully the screenplay can emulate the story just as accurately.

I decided to browse C.D. Payne’s website this morning to see if he had any new books on the horizon, and found this interesting piece of information about Youth In Revolt:

Youth In Revolt Movie

This book has been optioned by Dimension Films (the Weinsteins’ new company). Michael Cera (“Superbad”) has been cast as Nick. No director has been named. Filming is expected to commence in spring 2008.

Oh sweet mother of mercy, that’s maybe the best news I’ve heard all year. And according to IMDB, it’s true. And despite being about five or six years too old for the part, Michael Cera could really do an amazing job. Hopefully he can pull off a mildly elitist attitude along with that awkward charm that makes Michael Cera so fucking awesome.

And if you haven’t read the book, do it now. I’ve read more books than I care to remember and this is the number one, absolute must read in my opinion. Plus this way when the movie comes out, you’ll be able to enjoy the parts that they were able to include. And considering the fact that the book is almost 1000 pages, you’ll be able to frown at the many many many parts that they had to omit.

Here’s some shit that you should know about already. But just in case you don’t, let poppa make it all better:

• New Perry Bible Fellowship.
• New Zero Punctuation – This week’s segment covers the latest F.E.A.R. expansion.
• The Onion is still awesome.

Sweet Jesus in a birchbark canoe! What the Hell happened to my Jennifer Love Hewitt?!?

Good mother of mercy, it looks like her ass soaked up all of that seawater like a sponge. If you’re into that whole “junk in the trunk” sort of thing, here are a few more to satisfy your curiosity:

I figured I’d follow up the dismembered chicks with a chick who could actually survive a landmine blast, regrow the limb, and still be hotter than any of the other contestants. Actually, there were just some new Hayden Panettiere pictures uploaded over at SOTD, and it was just an excellently sardonic coincidence. Enjoy.

Apparently these photos are from GQ Magazine’s spread on Hayden, naming her “Obsession of the Year.” Which is really just magazine-speak for “bullshit award to help get her into a skimpier outfit.” I would prefer to name her “chloroform victim of the year” and then test my theory on whether or not her hymen regenerates as well.

Bongweasel just pointed me in the direction of this Fox News story about the upcoming Miss Landmine competition. It’s… about what you’d expect.

Ten women will show off their beauty and brains — and their landmine injuries — in Angola next April in a competition to win a golden prosthetic limb and the title of Miss Landmine 2008.

Whoa, wait, a golden prosthetic limb? Jesus, black people are taking this “bling” nonsense a little bit too far.

Speaking of whom, you must check out the contestants. While I’m very touched by their plight, I’m forced to wonder if they are trying to make a mockery of these poor limbless beauties. With job aspirations like “anything” and “street vendor” and favorite colors listed as “sand,” they don’t make a very convincing argument for why you should take anything about the whole affair seriously. Listing the year that their wayward limb was blown off, including (in some cases) a small description of the circumstances, was a nice touch.

Holy crap in a handbag, does Rachel Bilson have pierced nipples? Have a look at the evidence yourself. And yes, it may be pathetic and not of interest to a lot of you, but when have I ever given a shit about that? The only things I care about are boobs, games, liquor, and more boobs.

And just in case you really don’t give a crap about her potentially having some nipple bling, here are some better quality photos of Jennifer Garner’s nipple slip from earlier this year. Enjoy.

Anything to distract me from the fact that I’m not playing Mario Galaxy or Call of Duty 4 is welcomed right now.

For all of you sexless bastards sitting at home, using your own tears as a masturbatory lubricant and thinking that you’ll never, ever land a good woman… there is hope. I mean if the Peter Pan guy can get laid, just about anybody* can get laid.

*Anybody excluding Harry Knowles