Los Angeles police Thursday arrested actor Jeffrey Jones, best known for his role as the smarmy principal in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” on charges of using a minor for sex acts and possession of child pornography, officials said. [Story]
Wow. I believe that we can all agree that this is just a little disturbing. And, I would also like to take a moment and point out that it really doesn’t do much for the anti-stereotype movement for a guy that looks exactly like a disturbed child molester to turn out to be a disturbed child molester. With backing like this, I don’t really know how you could argue.
Teacher: Billy, not all black people want to steal your television. That is called a Stereotype and they are hurtful and untrue.
Billy: Teacher, do you know who Jeffrey Jones is?
Teacher: hmm, you have a point.
More disturbingly however, while conduction my in-depth research for this article (google search on “ferris bueller”), I uncovered something that I was very unprepared for. Now when I searched, I expected a large number of results, the movie is quite possibly still for sale and is listed on many movie information sites. But what I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the horror of the Ferris Bueller’s Residence fan site:
Ferris Bueller’s Residence (Sound is REQUIRED. If you are without, wait until you are with.)
Now, in retrospect, I realize that I should have been prepared to find at least one fan site. But, my friends, you tell me—should I have been prepared to find a fan site with a creepy blue background, a still image of Ferris on the float, with a horrible MIDI of “Twist and Shout” POUNDING MY EARS IN THE BACKGROUND?!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING CREEPY THAT IS?!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
On the plus side, I think I may have discovered the new g0atse.
Here is some good vibes, Mon (
by Jacko on November 14, 2002 @ 12:17 pm
Well MoFos, it looks like you might be getting back some of that money you spent on Miss Cleo’s hotline:
The operators of Miss Cleo’s psychic hot line agreed Thursday to cancel $500 million in customer bills to settle federal charges that the service fleeced callers while promising mystical insights into love and money.
Hmm, this post is still missing something (I mean something beside the standard lack of wit).
*digs around in archives*
Ahh, there we go.
So, this whole thing has got me wondering. If they have to give back 500 million, how fooking much did they get in the first place? When I started seeing the Miss Cleo ads all over the place, I concurred that they must be mildly successful, at least enough to keep Miss Cleo fed, but 5 undred mirrion dollas rot uv money. Hell, I ought to start something like that, but it could be the E/N call and whine support hotline. Instead of posting their love problems in the forum, they could call me (or one of my affiliates) at the reasonable price of 2.95/minute plus toll charges or whatever. Hell, I could make 500 million off MysticCobra alone! Just think if JimmyPop ever fell in love, those two would spell retirement for me.
Actually, the article says that they took in 1 billion and collected half of it (500 million). They have been ordered to forgive 500 million, which I am to assume is the half a billion outstanding. Chalk one up for not paying your fucking phone bill.
This also provides me the opportunity to give out the “I am so fucking stupid that I was actually quoted saying that” award, to one Howard Beales, FTC something or other:
“I’m no psychic but I can foresee this: If you make deceptive claims, there is an FTC action in your future,” said Howard Beales, director of the FTC’s consumer protection bureau.
That quote was so ghey I don’t think I can continue this post. I’m late for a meeting anyway.
eBaying
by Jacko on November 13, 2002 @ 4:31 pm
I registered with ebay a long time ago, but I have yet to make a purchase at the famous online bidding house. Initially I was looking for a good price on a pair of AEGO2s, but either my interest ran out, our more likely, my money, before I ever got that accomplished.
Now it is today, and I have decided to spring for a Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer (yea, I’m a fucking high-roller, yo). I saw one for around $50 in Best Buy or somewhere like it, and thought “ya know, I could probably find one for cheaper on eBay.”
And I did, quite a bit cheaper in fact. With 0d 6h 30m left the bid was at $3.65 (only 2 bids). So, I place a $25 maximum bid, with 7.35 shipping. I am stoked, cause I just might get this thing for a little over 32 bucks. HA! Screw buying it in a store.
30 minutes after I bid, I start thinking, hmm, I wonder if my local hardware shop sells this thing OEM. Every now and again I look at motherboards and ram over there, but l33t HARDWARE TECHNICIANS like me don’t need to buy mouses and shit. Do they?
So, I drop over and I’LL BE DAMNED. $30, but more importantly, I CAN PICK IT UP IN STORE RIGHT NOW! DAMN YOU EBAY and your 0d 5h 11m, I want that fucker now! Do you have any idea what it does to an instant gratification seeking person like me to read 2-4 days to ship? DO YOU!??
So, right now I am currently waiting in eBay Hell(TM), looking at my eBay items page, hitting refresh every 10 minutes hoping someone will outbid me.
C’mon, somebody has got to want this thing more than I do, outbid me man, c’mon…
*hits refresh*
FUCK!
It is a rather odd experience.
Current bid is $23.15. 0d 5h 11m and counting. This eBay thing is really great.
UPDATE!!! Thanks to all of your heartfelt prayers I lost the bidding. dragonboi9 is now the proud owner of one Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer for the ripe price of 26.00 plus shipping. Me, I will continue on with life, further enlightened with the knowledge that I am one impatient bastard. Either way, I will have that damn mouse tomorrow, and that is all that matters.
Farm Sluts: The Movie
by Jacko on @ 4:04 pm
Lifted straight from the forum (thx Pie4me), work safe.
As Faaq promptly chimed, “Is that a pony?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Heart Attaq.
by NHDJ1 on @ 2:05 pm
The weight issue “comes up a couple of times each year,” said Steve Noland, Life Flight’s program director. “It’s not just the weight, but also the physical size of patients.”
No shit? I’m sure there’s some algebraic equation for that. Too bad I suck at math.
Now, I’m not some fatty hater, like most of you would like to believe. To tell you the truth, I love fat people. Hell, if it’s fat, I like it. I’m sure most of you would like to sit back and imagine me in Papa Lovetti’s standing at the lasagna buffet counter with a crossing gaurd sign that says “stop” on both sides. I bet you even fantasize about me going to the mall and walking around the food court pointing at those people who have a very distinct and un-mistakable weight problem who are shoveling food down thier gullets faster than a cheesecake eating whale and then getting right up in their faces and yelling “YOU FAT FUCKER. JUST WHAT IN FUCK’S SAKE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!! YOU’RE DONE!!! YOU WERE DONE YESTERDAY!! TAKE A DAMN CHOW VACATION YOU FAT FUCKING SON OF FATTY FUCK!!”
Well, I might do some of that. It has nothing to do with their obvious weight problem.
I’m just mad about losing my job. Really. Hold me.
Operation: Dance Dance
by Jacko on @ 10:39 am
Crazy Geek from the Hacker Network has sent us a link to a spankin’ new flash video:
Additionally, so you don’t get the impression that I will post anything you sick people send me in e-mail, I provide the following:
- I am not creative. As even installing Flash is difficult for me, I am quite amazed when people actually make it work.
- I am never the first one to see anything. Since this is fairly new, well, here is my chance to be on the CUTTING EDGE OF ENTARTAINMENT!!!111
- I will post anything you sick people send me in e-mail.
- It is actually pretty damn good.
In closing, to steal (then bastardize) a quote from the beloved MoFemme Teflon Parakeet, if you have a problem with this, give me a call—I’ll be there to not answer the phone.
AS SEEN ON TV
by Jacko on November 12, 2002 @ 9:22 am
A 15-year-old Washington state boy suffered serious burns when he set himself on fire trying to re-enact a stunt similar to those from MTV’s controversial show “Jackass,” though an MTV spokesperson noted the stunt the boy tried had never appeared on the show or in the recent movie based on the show.
The boy from the Seattle suburb of Bellevue, Washington, soaked his shirt in rubbing alcohol late on Friday and ignited it while his friends stood by with a video camera shooting footage they planned to sell, police and local media reported. [Linkage]
In other news, I am suing the Washington state police department for assault. Well, they didn’t actually assault me, I wrecked on my bike, but my injuries are similar to those inflicted by Washington state police in other assault cases, so I don’t really see why they can’t share some of the blame.
Just when is our society going to realize that mankind has been doing stupid shit since the beginning of, err, mankind? Just look at disco, or the crusades. Or look at what this kid told the police:
After suffering first-degree burns over his face and upper body, the teen-ager initially told police that someone had set his clothes on fire while he walked on a trail after attending a high school football game
I am assuming that when he thought this story up he was planning on crossing the “how the fuck did you get saturated in rubbing alcohol” bridge later. I tell you, I have crossed some pretty dangerous bridges in my day, such as “you didn’t happen to driving down this road with someone riding on your hood, did you?” and “then why does your breath SMELL like alcohol?”, but I can thankfully say that the “doused in rubbing alcohol” is one I have never faced.
Yes, my friends, and I can assure you, even if you did manage to cross that one, your shirt would still be wet.
We Are Ever Vigilant
by Sharkey on November 10, 2002 @ 7:00 pm
Even though my home machine is currently fux0red beyond the capacity to even email (first time a Maxtor fucked me over) I still have other means of sending out… messages.
THERE was an uneasy calm at the Government House, Awka, Anambra State, on Wednesday, when a horde of monkeys allegedly broke into the state governors office and destroyed some stationery materials and his tea chamber.
Our source said midway into the investigation, a security report came, revealing that about 15 monkeys were seen around the governors office late on Tuesday.
Thanks Brian for comfirming Chim-Chim’s report. And to everyone else, watch your asses. I have more bananas than Bush has uneducated critics.
PICK ME! PICK ME!
by Jacko on November 8, 2002 @ 11:37 am
[Father sues team for not naming son MVP]
A Canadian father is suing the New Brunswick Amateur Hockey Association after his 16-year-old son failed to win the league’s most valuable player award.
Michael Croteau is seeking about $200,000 in psychological and punitive damages from the association. He also demands that the MVP trophy be taken from the winner and given to his son, Steven.
Be aware that I posted this story solely because it takes place in Canada, proving once again that the only things our friends to the North care about are Hockey and Beer. *wipes tear from eye* God bless.
Bedtime Story Limerick, In Engrish
by Sharkey on @ 2:52 am
There once was teen whore from Japan, in eight months she fuck 800 man. But the whore underage, now her pimp in a cage and her junk’s just as coarse as the sand.
Jeez, I’m fairly crass once exhaustion hits. [ Linky ]
A second-hand dealer has been arrested for pimping a 17-year-old girl to a whopping 800 clients in eight months, police said Friday.
The man, Takayuki Miura, and a teen-age boy who worked under him, were arrested on charges of breaking the Child Welfare Law.
From November last year until July this year, 44-year-old Miura set a minimum quota of six men a day for the 17-year-old runaway girl. He pocketed some 12 million yen during the period but only paid 500 yen per day to the girl to cover her lunch expenses, police said.
KlfJoat probably made up a good third of her business, since I heard he raised his age minimum. *BA-DUM-CHING!*
With that cheap shot delivered, it’s time for bed. Tip your waitress.