Category: News

I popped up a new logo, my first attempt at digitally inking a sketch from my new scanner. Not too bad, although Sharkey turned out looking slightly Gabe-esque from PA. Oh well, maybe I’ll use a different line thickness next time. Anyone who has some links or tips on photoshop inking, let me know. I’m always interested in different ‘shop techniques.

Oh, and just in case you hadn’t heard, the whiny little prick from Oasis just got his fucking teeth knocked out. It really is beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

Liam Gallagher, wild-man vocalist of British rock band Oasis detained after a brawl in a five-star Munich hotel at the weekend, has been freed from jail after posting bail of more than $100,000, police said Monday.

Gallagher, 30, lost several teeth in the punch-out, the latest in a string of misadventures for the singer, noted for reviving Britain’s tradition of rock ‘n’ roll.

After the brawl, lil’ Liam decided it would be prudent to kick a police officer “full-force” in the ribs. Apparently album sales weren’t doing too well, and the record label felt that for each ass-kicking, another 100K would sell. If this is the case, I personally support this theory. In fact, if they publish a video of the chump losing his chompers on one of those interactive CDs, I’d buy it just to show my love of this idea. I even have a list of celebrities who I think should participate in this plan, right from the get-go. Start with Liam, work your way to Michael, and make sure to get Rod Stewart as you go.

Any ideas on a name for this brilliant advertising scheme? How about “Punch Your Teeth Down Your Talentless Throat Marketing”? Has a nice ring to it. It’s context can easily apply to movies and commercial advertisements as well. Barbara Streisand movie producers and Dell execs, I’m talking to you.

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiance’s mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.

When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred…then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation. I headed straight out the front door. There, leaning against my car was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fianc,e’ what her parents did, and that I thought their “little test” was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself including the fact that the reason I was walking out to my car was to get a condom?

Dammit Kevin Smith, don’t fucking encourage them!

Director Kevin Smith is giving the newly engaged couple a custom-made video game to thank them for costarring in his recently wrapped movie “Jersey Girl,” according to the New York Post.

The game, “Jen Saves Ben,” features an animated Lopez who must find and rescue Affleck, who has been kidnapped and chained to a warehouse wall.

“J. Lo has to get him back but doesn’t know where he’s gone,” said Brad Graeber of Texas-based Powerhouse Animation Studios, the company that created the game.

As she karate-kicks her way through the game, Lopez must face an animated Smith, who totes a ray-gun, and an evil-robot Matt Damon.

…on second thought, that does sound pretty damn funny. And it does leave room for the sequel: Jen Saves Ben II: Marriage On The Rocks. In that game, Jen must deflect booze bottles, fangirls, and needles from corrupting young Ben and prematurely ending their marriage. By premature, of course, I mean that the marriage would end in 6 months, rather than the standard year, depending on how bloodthirsty your lawyers are.

Took a slight Holiday sabbatical to relax after a hard few weeks of work. Playing golf and drinkin’ margaritas. Too bad Bolt Boy had to bitch out, or we’d be enjoying some fine cigars and making crass sexist jokes. Don’t get mr wrong, the lil woman comes with numerous benefits, but cigar smokins and sexism they ain’t.

By the by, if you hadn’t heard about Christina Aguilera posing in Playboy over at Solo’s, now you know. And knowing is half the uh… somethingorother.

Huzzah for crappy puns! Im currently amidst a sea of unwashed contemporaries awaiting the arrivals of our loved ones at Los Angeles International airport. I was about to post when a guy asked, “Hey, is that a Hiptop???”, at which point I entered sales pitch mode. When it comes to techno geeks, I may as well have a firm set of tits and an apple of an ass when it comes to making an impression.

Anyway, now that Im nice and toasted from the nearby cantina, I feel it’s time to drop some holiday science on ya. First off, don’t show up early to pick people up from the airport. Not my choice, mind you. Id rather my loved ones wait in a terminal then me, because at least they can meander in the “ticketholders only” areas that contain the only restaurants and bookstores within the immediate area. We had to walk 15 minutes to find a newsstand and a beer. And another thing, Halle Berry and Jennifer Lopez are on too goddamn many magazine covers this month. I say enough with the girls who’s bosoms have already been bared onscreen. Time to concentrate our attention on those who’s endowments remain a mystery. Besides, I could give a fuck about Lopez’s marriage to Affleck. If I wanted to read about doomed marriages I’d hook OJ up with the heiress to a cutlery empire.

Gotta go, the family’s here. Thanks for your time.

I sure hope that this is six months old. I mean I really do. It’s fucking funny and I can’t be posting anythine new here, now can I? This is another Flash Animation parody of Clerks, but you knew that already because you’ve seen it, right?

Major props to Teachdaire for this one.

Make wit da clickin’ already!

We finally put an Indian and a Mexican into space, and what do we do? We put them to work doing construction, which apparently is the only thing they are good at aside from selling drugs and the short order grill.

Astronauts used cranes to attach another expensive piece of latticework to the international space station Tuesday, and then a team of spacewalkers went out and wired it up. Herrington — the first American Indian in space — and his spacewalking partner, Michael Lopez-Alegria, installed clamps, removed locks and connected electrical cables between the new segment and the rest of the space station. [story]

And, in standard minority fashion, the two engaged in some friendly racist bantering when the Mexican accused the Indian of being a lazy no good bag of drunken shit:

The spacewalkers teased each other as they worked 250 miles up. Lopez-Alegria wanted to take a picture of Herrington and told him, “Why don’t you do some work so your family won’t think you’re goofing off up here on vacation?”

NASA has plans to send a white supervisor into space later this week to make sure “the darkies didn’t fuck anything up.”

Just a quickie about a quickie gone awry. It’s work safe for those of you who care, unless your work has something against profanities. Personally, I think everyone in a cubicle-caged environment would feel much better with a cute profane surname, like Mr. Cockbiter or Ms. Fuckserwaytothetop. Something to bring all of that nasty office gossip out into the open where it can fester and boil.

You can’t go through a full and complete life without having loved Will Ferrell at some point. Love him now children, love him now.

[ Will Ferrell – Santa Claus Mac Switch Ads ]

Alright so Rosco sent me this link to a “fan.” It’s relatively amusing because you can simply edit the URL by putting in whatever name you want. Great for getting your friends’ hopes up and then smashing them down.