Category: News

Seems that after I parked last night at around 2:30 in the morning, some dickhead decided that he was going to make off with my new Kenwood MP3 car stereo. Unfortunately for him (and me) he was about the shittiest car stereo theif on the planet. The detachable face was the only thing he could get off. Well, that and the hunks of my dashboard that he tore out in obvious anger at his own ineptitude. Thankfully, I’m pretty sure (although I can’t be certain) that my insurance will cover the whole fiasco. At least the bastard was too stupid to look in the backseat or the trunk. I had plenty of games and such which were probably more valuable than a $300 stereo. Or at least a 50 cent stereo faceplate.

I doubt that any of you mofos have any money left after Sharkey linked the adult diaper store the other day, but just in case any of you have birthdays coming up or excessively large trust funds (paypal), I thought I’d share.

It’s the GasBGon flatulence filter, and it’s helping provide relief for thousands of gas passers who have cleared rooms or blamed the dog for far too long.

“People tell us, ‘Thank you for giving my life back. Now I can go out in public again,'” Sharron Huza, the cushion’s creator, said in an interview. “They’ll bring it with them to the movie theatre, to work, in the car or on the airplane.”

Now, take a look at the “it” that they are bringing “with them to the movie theatre, to work, in the car or on the airplane”:

Sweet Jesus. I guess there still isn’t much room for discreetness in this sick, sad world. Furthermore, if I had the time, I sure as hell wouldn’t spend any of it pointing out all of the horrible puns in this Fox News article, but hey, if you are looking for some training on embarrassing yourself with shitty writing, there isn’t a better place to start:

https://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,75658,00.html

Buy it here. As if any of you have contact with other actual humans LOLER HAHA. *shoots self*

Because you kicked and screamed and cried like little girls, I must now grant your wish (with some big help from Solo) and bring Sliceoftheday.com back to it’s former glory. And what better way to do that than with one of my favorite all time slices, Natalie Portman. Enjoy.

I beleive this occasion calls for a phrase not heard in a while around these parts.

*Ahem*

Boo-Yah. Happy Wednesday.

Well, I’ll see you guys later, its been real fun.

BUBONIC PLAGUE IS FUCKING MISSING

What the fuck?

Since most of you are undoubtedly stuck inside a cubicle somewhere, I may as well brighten your day with this video. Stolen from the the Forum.

After a nice golf weekend out of town, I hopped back online and decided to check the news. I originally wanted to find out more about that cop who shot that family’s dog, which everyone seems to have blown way out of proportion. I love dogs. I have a big ol’ soft spot in this cold little heart for canines, but I gotta say that the guy’s not exactly evil. A tad nervous with the trigger, yes, but personally I think the guy did his unpleasant job to the best of his abilities. One mistake in the field and he’s fodder for the steaming masses of hatred that swells in the belly of America. I salute you pal, and don’t worry, our attention spans last about as long as your average celebrity wedding.

Hmm. I didn’t mean to go off on a tangeant about that story, I was actually planning on posting a couple of lines about how I randomly stumbled upon this site, which contains plenty of images worthy of Photoshoppin’ and that Triumph the Dog vs. Star Wars Geeks video. This one’s my personal favorite. If any of you have any random websites with open directories like this, please share.

A lot of people may be experiencing the same general malaise towards the Internet as I have lately. The rest of you may be wondering why, in an age of enlightenment-at-your-fingertips, I feel so (as FaaQ put it yesterday) disenfranchised with the whole damned thing. I am now prepared to give you one good reason.

By the way, this guy looks like he should be an office manager for a large scale shipping company. Or, perhaps, a theater projectionist. My projectionists friends would easily agree with this one. Hell, he could even wear his fetish-gear to work. Remember kids, while you’re watching Harry Potter, he’s watching you. And he’s doing this.

Well, I didn’t want to talk about her, but you people have forced my hand. There’s a little Asian chick out there who’s looking for nerds like you and I to fund her boob job. I personally find her entrepreneurial spirit to be a breath of fresh air. Especially when I hear things like this:

Warning: There are no ‘nudes’ here (I’m not that kind of girl!!). I will consider posting a tasteful topless photo if this site succeeds and I get new boobs.

Way to go sweetcheeks. Thousands of horny Asian fetishists will wager a buck on whether or not you’ll let the funbags out once they’ve been Super-Sized.

Personally, I’m not a fan of fakies, but you’ve gotta admire her spirit. Besides, she’s probably not going to get her tits upgraded anyway. She’s probably not even a woman, so I tip my bottle of NyQuil to another ingenious scam. G’night all.

…but it is the new year. And while I really do hate to admit it, Apple seems to be consistently putting out more and more cool shit. Today they unveiled (or at least, today I took notice of) their incredibly smoove 17″ Powerbook. Take a look:

Jeez, it’s becoming harder and harder to be a PC enthusiast these days. They run image and video editing apps like a Ferarri and have screens that make me want to commit autoerotic asphyxiation. Now all they have to work on is the games, and getting the prices out of the laughable level (which they seem to be trying to accomplish) and I’ll be sold. Besides, their ads have adorable girls that make nerds like us swoon, whereas we have casting call rejects for the new season of My Favorite Moron. Maybe we think we’re too infallible. After all, we are enthusiasts of Windows, the most mind numbingly anger-provoking OS on the market.

*looks at widescreen powerbook again*

Uh… what were we talking about?