Category: News

[ British Schoolkids to Be Asked to Consider Oral Sex ]

Just that title alone warrants a post, but the subject matter is even better. British administrators are attempting to incorporate oral sex into the “sex education” equation. This is supposed to help eliminate some teenage pregnancies, by encouraging Britain’s high school girls to take the shot in the mouth instead. Two questions immediately arise from my horribly perverted mind. One: in the immortal words of The Ladies’ Man “Have you considered da butt?” Two: does semen hold any kind of value as a teeth cleansing product, because if so, all the better.

Just remember lil’ British chicks, it can’t taste any worse than that crap you pass off as food.

I don’t want to detract from FaaQ’s grand post below, but I just love this picture.

If he’s just joking, I’d like to give him a firm handshake. If he’s serious, I’d like to give him a hug… with an iron maiden.

** Edit: Seems that it is indeed a joke. Here’s a couple of other signs that these guys used to mock protesters. Thanks to LJS for makin’ me look twice for the answers.

And there lies the truth of the matter. Martin Sheen and the rest of his intellectually vapid anti-war morons club (AKA Most of Hollywood) are once again on the wrong side of the issue. Whats more amazing then how factually incorrect and disjointed and ignorant their arguments are is just how utterly transparent their motive is. This isnt protesting about peace nor is it an opposition to war, its only an attack at the Bush administration.

Where were the cries of protest when we went into Bosnia, or Somalia, or Hati, or Yugoslavia? I didnt see them marching when we were lobbing bombs into aspirin factories, or bombing Iraq in 1998. Why wasnt Martin Sheen and Jenean Garalfalwhatthefuck pimping their faces all over the networks begging us to give peace a chance? Why no retarded slogans for Boy Clinton? And why does the media give these clowns free reign to spew their opinions to the public. Just you or I try to get on any of the three networks to give your opinion, cover your ears the laughter can be loud.

Its not enough that they refuse to listen to any valid points, that they cant get their facts straight, that they use horridly inaccurate and skewed sources, and that they would rather side a tyrannical dictator who has massacred thousands of people then a GASP Republican. Hollywood is showing its true colors, and showing what they really stand for. Their message is clearly the wrong one.

Will someone explain to me what it is that drives movie stars into thinking their opinions are valued at all by anyone who doesnt seem to get their daily news input from E! or Entertainment Tonight? In the history of American conflicts with other nations, some movie star has always come forward to make a total ass of themselves without fail. From Hanoi Jane to now Baghdad Sean, the Hollywood know-it-alls have not disappointed us with their knee-jerk statements or their petty fifty thousand dollar ads.

When our military forces are getting ready to open a can of whoop-ass to protect our interests and rid the world of some psychotic asshole like Saddam Hussein, it never fails to bring out the clowns from Hollywood with serious and dour looks on their faces.

Whats equally more apparent is when they open their mouths anyone with the ability to spell TV can tell that when their roles are unscripted (unlike in front of a teleprompter), they appear pathetically out of their league. Easily persuaded by emotional pleas without the use of logic or even basic common sense, time and time again they fall right into the hands of crafty propagandists, who exploit their ignorance for their own gains. Sean Penns recent trip to Iraq proves this without a shadow of a doubt. He was so easily led and used by the Iraqis that it was painful to watch. We dont even need to address the exploits of the likes of Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Alec Baldwin, that ugly cunt Barbara Striestand, and other wannabee politicos.

What you are seeing are the actions of sore losers. Their boy Gore didnt get elected, even after they all came out against Bush during the Presidental race. Surprise Surprise that Alec Baldwin, or that fat fucking retarded asshole Rob meathead Reiner didnt move to France after the election. Are you fucking kidding? Do these people ever keep their word. I for one will not be seeing any movie or providing any financial support to anything attached to these people. Fuck them, fuck them in the ass with a basball bat covered in rusty nails. PS. Go sign yet another stupid fucking internet petition that will be ignored and means virtually nothing but servers for entertainment value.

So all of this new technology sure has made our lives better, hasn’t it? We can complain about shit at the speed of light, we can organize our superficial lives with the touch of a screen, and you can use your computer without booting it up.

But in the most stunning use of technology I’ve seen in a while, we have the man who used his picture phone to effect an arrest.

With the large “anti-war” protests that took place over the weekend organized by such notable groups as Ramsey Clark’s communist backed A.N.S.W.E.R I wished that I could have been there to ask some of these protestors the hard questions that the mainstream media seems unable to do. Luckily for me and for you the folks at Brain Terminal decided to do just that. Watch this video and make your own determination about just how S.M.R.T your average anti-war protestor is. Link Here

The common trend of course is that Bush is bad, this is a war for Oil, we need to stop the 12 year long “rush to war” etc etc etc. Todays peacnik has nothing on his ancestors of the 60’s. Even while stoned out of their minds they managed to get their point across and stay on message. Today’s wanabee’s can’t even spell “UN” it seems.

In all honesty this one takes the fucking cake. If Satan is looking for helpers and henchmen, I’m sure he will be able to hook up with these two once word of their “dirty deeds” hits the cell block.

ADELANTO — Two employees of a company hired to transport corpses for the San Bernardino County Coroner’s Office were arrested Friday afternoon, accused of sexually assaulting the body of a 4-year-old Adelanto girl.Donald Luis Cooper Jr., 32, and Chaunee Marie Helm, 30, both of Hesperia and employees of All-County Transportation, were arrested on suspicion of mutilation of human remains, a felony……

On Friday night the girl’s mother, Kathleen Jones, 36, of Adelanto, said the day she learned what happened to her daughter, “was the longest day from hell.””She was a loving child, always hugging and kissing, always smiling,” the mother said. “She had the greatest little personality. She was happy all the time, always singing and dancing.” Jones said San Bernardino County sheriff’s investigators told her the man was caught on videotape sexually assaulting her child’s body in the morgue. The woman, she was told, acted as a lookout.Sheriff’s department spokeswoman Cindy Beavers said mutilation was the charge because the assault occurred after the child died, and not because there had been any other injury to the body.

WTF? It’s bad enough that these guys are kidfucking shitbags, but to top it off with fucking a corpse? About the only thing they could have done to top this off would have been to eat the body afterwards.

I’ve been taking these supplement pills for my workout regiments, kind of like creatine and energy pills that give you that extra bit of oomph. I took them about ten minutes ago, and I kind of felt like I had a bit of indigestion ever since. I was about to get up and grab another glass of water when I released a firm, crispy belch. Try and picture a gray cloud of powder escaping out of the most disgusting belch I’ve let out in years, accompanied by a terrible burning sensation in my sinuses and a flavor not at all unlike powdered ass, and you’ve got the scenario which unfolded before my eyes.

I think I see spots.

So I took the girlfriend to Los Angeles over Valentines Day. Went to the Getty yesterday, mocked a bunch of protesters, drove back for dinner. It was actually this dinner theater thing for my mother’s birthday, where the servers are actually performers. I can say with all honesty that they were not necessarily blessed with an overabundance of talent in either field. I hold to this, even after attempting to get my parking validated after the show, and the entire cast improvising a parking validation song in my honor to the tune of “Lady Marmalade”. But really, it was hard to take them seriously in the first place, since I’d seen the entire male portion of the cast do an act with cowboy hats and skirts called “Ballerinas of the Prarie”. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds… well, that song was. After that and 8 hours of shuteye, I’ve pretty much been working all day.

All that was done while waiting for the fucking site to load. Now while I wait for the submit function to go through for this post, I’m going to order a pizza and write the great American novel.

This is the day you’ve all been waiting for. Some will be disappointed, some will be extatic. Others, will do things that the rest of us don’t need to know about. Here it is my friends, more pictures of the delectable Fernanda Martinelli. I know, you love me, and its not even Valentines Day yet. Oh, you were talking to Fernanda, I see, I get it…

A special thanks to the Pie Forum kids, who stand an ever vigilant watch over the Net, lest any unwatched porn slip through their fingers. Fernanda’s still jailbait I’m afraid, but does that even matter in Brazil? Not that I’d mind, personally my life probably isn’t even worth a night with her. Maybe like, twenty minutes and a Tootsie-Pop afterwords, but that’s about it. I’d probably be glad to trade, too.

If there’s one things BAMF is known for, it’s monkeys and French-bashing. Well, it’s time for all of that to change. …waitaminute, did I say change? I meant endure, like Rocky in a French boxing ring. Ha! Endurance is king!

Anyway, let’s move on to the monkeys first, as they bring us joy through the smiting of our enemies and the biting of the stupid. I received a link from NC, who posed the question “What did she do to cross you?” The answer is, nothing. As in, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about… uh… dude.

A woman died after the motorcycle she was on hit a monkey, which dashed across the road, at the Km19 of Jalan Lipis-Lubuk Kulit, near Lipis, on Monday.

Nahina, who suffered severe head and shoulder injuries, was rushed to Lipis Hospital but she died at 7.05pm.

Supt Baharuddin said Tazul Aidi suffered only light injuries. However, the monkey died on the spot.

Fucking japanese intern monkeys, always with the kamikaze shit. Bite, scratch, and get the Hell out of there you little bastard, no need to play the hero when things go a little awry.

Secondly, the French are sick and tired (thanks Scott) of the numerous jokes and the general mockery that we Americans make of them, especially after their attempts to lead the anti-war resistance. The article is filled to the brim with examples of America’s “anti-frog” slander. Dig:

“I think it’s stupidity, all these words,” said Claude DeBardin, president of the French-American Friendship Foundation, echoing other French expatriates. “Of course it is inconvenient to hear these criticisms. I think, I hope, it will all soon go away.”

That’s unlikely, at least at the United Nations. France has a Security Council veto and claims some of the UN’s best-seasoned diplomats, but it takes a beating at the water coolers. “What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their arms up?” asked a United Nations guard, a New Yorker who lives in the Bronx. “The army.”

U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell has dismissed a Franco-German proposal to bolster the UN weapons-inspection process as akin to having “Inspector Clouseaus running all over Iraq,” a reference to the bumbling detective in the Pink Panther movies.

You know, I’m afraid I have to agree with the Frenchies on this one. I’ve seen their beautiful country firsthand, and enjoyed their culture, which has given me insight into this situation. Perhaps we’ve been too hard on them. So I would like to share with you an actual conversation that transpired between myself, and a noble French gentleman during my stay there last summer:

Sharkey: “You know Francois, there is a lot of anti-French sentiment amongst my countrymen.
Francois: “Oui, zees ees unfortunately zee truth.”
Sharkey: “We have unfairly labeled you as cowards, snobs, and other terrible prejudices. And today, as an American, I must take a stand. The mockery must end here, mon frere. So to you and all of your wonderful people I must offer a fond “Ich entschuldige mich.”
Francois: “I appreciate your sentiment my American friend, but I am afraid zat I cannot understand you.”
Sharkey: “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s German for “I apologize.”
Francois: “But mon ami, I do not speak zee German.”
Sharkey: “Yeah, I know. We’re why. In fact, I’ve got my Grandfather’s phone number if you’d like to call him up and thank him… HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING! Fucking rude bastards.”

And after I so graciously commented that Paris didn’t smell nearly as armpit-like as I would’ve expected. Still, he didn’t put up a fight or even raise his voice to object. No surprise there, eh?