Category: News

Just saw Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban tonight, and considering that it’s nearly 4AM, I’ll reserve most of my comments until the morning. But I will give you this bit to chew on:

I noticed that a lot of people who had read the book seemed pretty satisfied with the movie. A lot of them even said it was their favorite of the three films. I, however, thought it was the worst of the three, simply because the story seemed riddled with missing chunks. Which, of course, made it somewhat boring.

Cry out you little Harry Potter nerds, I’ll have more for you tomorrow. And just because I mentioned the little witch boobies doesn’t mean I want to hear that you think she’s hot. Save it for the judge, pervert.

[ Mom eBays son’s PS2 as punishment ]

SO I AM MINUS ABOUT $177 FOR THIS WEEKEND LITTLE ANTICS. NOT TO MENTION THE AGGRAVATION OF THE ARUGING, LYING AND DECEPTION. I AM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR FROM A CHILD. EVEN A 6’3” 13 YEAR OR ANY ONE WHO DISRESPECTS ME & MY STUFF.

SO CHILDREN LISTEN UP DO NOT DISRESPECT YPUR PARENTS YOUR FRIENDS OR YOURSELF BECAUSE US PARENTS ARE SMARTER THAN YOU AND WE WILL FIND OUT ABOUT ANY AND ALL THINGS YOU TRY TO HIDE.

I AM SELLING THOS PRIZE possession TO RECOOP WHAT I LOST.

Man, momma needs to start helping junior with his schoolwork. Maybe she’ll pick up a grammar tip or two.

Pretty soon we’re going to have mothers hopping onto aim and messaging all his friends about how he cries whenever she grounds him. That will show the little bastard.

That, or he’ll slaughter them all in their sleep.

So on our way to the Dave Chapelle show, the following conversation transpired between myself, and my racism-terminology impaired girlfriend:

Me: “I guess Dave’s got this Morris So-and-So opening for him tonight.”
GF: “Who is he?”
Me: “I dunno. I’ve heard of him, but I have no idea where. He’s probably just a nobody.
GF: “Oh, OK. Like those Porch Monkeys we saw in Vegas?”

*lady walking in front of us chokes and turns, shocked*

GF: “…oh wait, it was the Porch Ghouls. …hey what’s so funny?”

Understandable mistake. We have four black people in Irvine, and one of them is Tracer Bullet.

Stolen straight from gunner in the forums, and delivered straight to you:

[ Trunk Monkey Ads ]

No, I don’t care if it’s old.

You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make Hilary Duff the slice of the day. And there is nothing… nothing… that you can do about it.

You like that powerless feeling, don’t you… wait! I can see you in there! Pull your pants back on, you fucking pervert! And if you’re going to do that, you should probably put some sort of protective covering over your keyboard, the keys are going to jam up.

Dave Chapelle was fucking awesome, btw. We saw him at the UCSD campus, so the seating was general admission. That means no assigned seats. Thanks to Ticketmaster’s ridiculously bad directions, we wound up getting there about 40 minutes late. And thanks to their overbooking of the event, about 100 people had given in and were already standing up. We had to steal a couple of seats from these college kids who were dumb enough to leave two wide open, and they were pretty pissed, but wimpy enough to shut up when we nabbed ’em. Thanks for being so soft, you La Jolla bastards.

Since she survived all the way through Freddy Vs. Jason (yet somehow gets aced on Dawson’s fucking Creek), I decided to make Monica Keena your slice of the day. And now, for your enjoyment, ass!

*sigh*

And now that I’ve enjoyed life for a few more seconds, it’s time to resume my hatred.

* Receives 1000 more pieces of SPAM *

Ahhh….

*Receiving message 12 of 1688*

Before I started receiving, I set up a mail filter to get rid of anything that looked like the result of that new virus attack. So far, five messages out of 200 or so have actually popped into my inbox. Thus far, they’re all other ISPs autoresponding to let me know that my email: “Details” (or other variations) contained a virus, and that it has been deleted.

Does anybody know what the fuck is with all the spam? I’ve received about 600 pieces to just one account today. I know numerous people who are screaming because their mail servers are so overloaded that they can’t send or receive their lists of cute emails about kittens and happy things. Life is pain and I’m your harbinger of thorny-poking madness! God do I hate you all!

…sorry. I could really use a hug. Or some fucking chicken wings, that would be much better.

So, there’s a pretty convincing batch of Matrix Revolutions spoilers, for those of you who give a shit. I, for one, like being surprised at movies. However, I also don’t care enough about the Matrix flicks to withhold my inhibitions and wait patiently. I did that for Star Wars Episode 1 and look what it got me: a multi-million dollar kick in the balls (and the memories) by George Lucas. And the Matrix has Keanu Reeves in it. I’m wearing a cup to the theaters this winter.

Cameron Diaz‘s “people” wrote me a letter asking me to kindly remove “fake nude” photos of her. I didn’t think we had any nudies up there to begin with, but sure enough there’s her on the beach and her at that now-famous photo shoot from her early days.

So does anyone have any new pics of her? I think it’s time she was slice of the day again.