News Archives - Page 11 of 163

Yeah, I know. Exciting, right? I meant to get this set up the other day, but I was too busy touching myself with glee that we finally get a chance to see China Chow’s….chowbags. Apparently last weekend the paparazzi caught Keanu Reeves out on a beach with a strikingly choice Asian female of unknown origin. I didn’t pay much attention to the thumbnails at first, because frankly who gives a shit about what Keanu Reeves is whoa-ing these days. You can imagine my self-loathing when I realized that it was China, my #1 Asian crush and the daughter of L.A. restaurateur Mr. Chow.

I do believe that this signals the return of my nudity clairvoyance, as I quoted The Big Hit way more times than usual last weekend and was disappointed to be met with blank stares of ignorance at each iteration. I think this was the Universe balancing things out for me. For all of us, really. Next weekend I’m going to pick out some obscure Jessica Biel movies to quote, just to test out this theory, though I don’t think anyone will be pleased to hear me quoting Stealth.

…nor will I be pleased to admit that I watched Stealth.

[ Sharkey ] "So I'm going to Worlds of Fun place tomorrow, you ever been there?" [ Aaron ] "Aw shit man, fuck that Worlds of Fun. Hate that fuckin' place man." [ Sharkey ] "....uh... OK. Strong reaction to a theme park, but I'm sure you have your reasons." [ Aaron ] "Well, I guess I should say fuck Oceans of Fun. Worlds of Fun's ar'right." [ Sharkey ] "OK, I'm with you, what's your deal with Oceans of Fun?" [ Aaron ] "Fuckin' bitch broke mah heart that fuckin' whore, she works there dude." [ Sharkey ] "Ah." [ Aaron ] "Actually....I take it back. She ain't a bitch, she's just 16, man." [ Sharkey ] *sigh* "Oookay... you uh... slept with the 16-year-old, didn't you?" [ Aaron ] "Heh, yeah. But it ain't so bad as yah think, she was 16. I mean, she turns 17 in a month." [ Sharkey ] ".......your honor."

God I hope they use this.

Political activists planning protest rallies at the upcoming Democratic Convention in Denver have their stomachs in knots over a rumor about a crowd control weapon – known as the â€œcrap cannonâ€ – that might be unleashed against them.

Also called â€œBrown Note,â€ it is believed to be an infrasound frequency that debilitates a person by making them defecate involuntarily.

Mark Cohen, co-founder of Re-create 68, an alliance of local activists working for the protection of first amendment rights, said he believes this could be deployed at the convention in August to subdue crowds.

â€œWe know this weapon and weapons like it have been used at other large protests before,â€ he said.

Honestly, I’ve never heard of such a device, but I couldn’t think of a better group of people to try it out on if it did exist. I don’t know what the big problem would be anyway, we all know hippies don’t bathe.

Category: News

I saw it, now you have to as well

by FaaQ on June 25, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

I love spam

by FaaQ on June 23, 2008 @ 1:44 pm

He Was Seated Closest To The Bathroom

by Sharkey on @ 6:08 am

This Fully Armed And Operational Brick Battle Station

by Sharkey on June 20, 2008 @ 12:24 pm

Slice Of The Unspecified Time Period: China Chow

by Sharkey on @ 12:19 pm

Worse than 2 girls 1 cup?

by FaaQ on June 19, 2008 @ 6:09 am

For Once, It’s Not FaaQ Posting

by Sharkey on June 15, 2008 @ 12:00 am

A future in porn

by FaaQ on June 11, 2008 @ 6:13 am

Sales of Depends to increase prior to Democratic National Convention

by FaaQ on June 10, 2008 @ 2:03 pm

Zombie caterpillars controlled by voodoo wasps

by FaaQ on June 5, 2008 @ 12:07 pm