Category: News

I’m sure that you’ll forward me a lot of weird crap today, but this dude takes the fucking cake, and it’s only 10 AM. Dig:

A German who had his lower jaw cut out because of cancer has enjoyed his first meal in nine years — a bratwurst sandwich — after surgeons grew a new jaw bone in his back muscle and transplanted it to his mouth in what experts call an “ambitious” experiment.

According to this week’s issue of The Lancet medical journal, the German doctors used a mesh cage, a growth chemical and the patient’s own bone marrow, containing stem cells, to create a new jaw bone that fit exactly into the gap left by the cancer surgery.

They have pictures of the guy’s back, but none of his post-transplant face, which is what everyone probably wants to see, but shouldn’t.

[ Johnny Cash. Desperado. Monkey On A Horse. ]

This… this just makes me happy inside. I can’t describe that happiness, you just have to experience it for yourself. Commendable work.

[ The Freshman 15 Challenge ] – Dear sweet Jesus. These kids have got the wrong fucking idea. You’ve got it backwards, you stupid bastards! Backwards!

The latest fan-trailer Grayson is sweeping the Net like crabs through a brothel. And it’s actually pretty damn good. Far more of a story idea than the whole “Batman: Dead End” trailer, although the guy does subscribe to that trailer’s wanton usage of outside characters simply for “HOLY SHIT OMFG@#%R@#” factor. I was feeling it right up until the damned lasso.

[ Playboy To Do Video Game Chicks Spread ] – Why Hef? WHY?!?!

Her name’s Bloodrayne and she’ll make her naked debut alongside a feature in the upcoming issue of the men’s magazine.

Joining her in the CGI photospread (which will accompany an article about the changing face of gaming) will be a handful of gaming characters. While not all the characters will appear in the pixilated buff, you can expect a lot of come hither looks from some butt-kicking women, including familiar faces from Midway’s “Mortal Kombat” franchise, Namco’s “Tekken” series and Vivendi’s upcoming “Red Ninja” and “Leisure Suit Larry: Magna Cum Laude”. (See the accompanying pop-up gallery for some of the characters that were submitted to the magazine.)

*Puts head in hands and sighs*

…

*Looks towards pants*

STOP STIRRING DOWN THERE! No! Bad! Wrong!

[ Free Krispy Kremes For ‘A’ Students ] – Just ensuring that the already persecuted nerdy children will grow all the fatter, likely to further slide them down the social ladder. And little Suzy thought she’d cure cancer one day. Sorry sweetie, you’ll be too busy fighting that eating disorder and/or diabetes. And that’s just your late twenties.

I’m totally getting a Krispy Kreme on my way to work tomorrow, btw.

OK, now there is definitely a good reason to buy the Nintendo DS. Well, possibly a good reason. Well, speculatively a good reason. Fuck, alright, I guess its nothing more than a fanboy’s wet dream, but they may be doing a conversion of N64 Goldeneye for the new handheld. Tasty.

Everyone’s dreams has finally come true. GCA has confirmed once-fabled rumors with our close contacts at Electronic Arts:

* Goldeneye for the Nintendo DS is being developed and published by Electronic Arts with it being exclusive to Nintendo.

* Goldeneye DS is based on the classic multi-million N64 hit.

* It will allow multiplayer between 8-16 players at a time, possibly even allowing for wi-fi internet play.

* It is unknown if the game is being built from scratch or based on the original engine.

They had better mean 2-16 players for multiplayer, because I doubt I’m going to know that many people who own a DS and Goldeneye. If that’s the case, I’d just stick with the N64 version. Oh, and they should put out the next-gen version of Perfect Dark one of these days, before I lose my thirst for alien blood.

Oh, and if Goldeneye utilizes the stylus for movement like the new (and completely useless to me) Metroid DS, I’m going to rip out a developer’s Goddamn eyes with the little pen and cram them up Harry Knowles’ ass, so they can see the anal equivalent of the cruel horrors that they have unleashed upon the world.

[ Your Mouse Is A Fucking Pussy ] – Dammit! I just plunked down the cash for the MX700, and they come out with this thing.

Question. Since this thing uses laser technology, will I be able to blind anybody around me? Don’t get me wrong, I love everyone I work with, but some clients are pretty much blind (towards design, anyway) as it is, may as well take it to the next level. Then they can sue Logitech. Then that will teach Logitech to stop putting out such awesome stuff. We all win! Well, not really. But it’d be a fucking awesome story to tell when you’re drunk.

LONGTIME just sent in a story about a charming Tanzanian fellow who went to a witch doctor, looking to get powers that would make him bulletproof. Maybe over in Tanzania they have SPAM that’s different than our standard P3nis P1lls and V1agra ads. Anyway, the guy’s dead. Darwinism wins again.

A Tanzanian who went to a witch doctor in search of the power to resist bullets and knife attacks died when ritual cuts made on his body proved fatal.

He was one of four suspected robbers from a village in Kasulu district in western Tanzania who visited the witch doctor on a quest for magic, the African newspaper reported Tuesday.

The witch doctor fled after the man died Monday from profuse bleeding, the newspaper said, adding that the three survivors were arrested when they went to a hospital.

If any of you have that God-awful “I saw the witch doctor” song stuck in your heads after reading that title, then my work here is done. I can’t suffer alone, you bastards.

[ Lucas To Make Episodes VII, VIII & IX? ] – stolen straight from the forum, sucka.

According to fan site Theforce.net, employees at Lucas’s company Industrial Light and Magic have all been made to sign non-disclosure agreements to promise not to talk about the possibility of episode’s seven, eight and nine being made.

A posting on the site says, “You didn’t hear this from me, but you might be curious as to why everyone at ILM just signed NDA’s saying that they will not discuss Star Wars episodes 7, 8, or 9.

“Since they’re not being made, why the NDA’s? Of course, since when has Lucas been consistent?”

Great. Superb idea. Fantastic. We’ve anally raped my childhood dreams of further Star Wars goodness, so why not follow up the sodomy by turning my memories over and going for the mouth? I’m telling you, the only way Lucas could get me interested in these flick (aside from dying a horribly painful death, and leaving complete creative control to somebody with talent) is by having Natalie Portman do a naked pole dance over Jar-Jar’s grave. And even then, I’m leaving right afterwards.

…because the movie would suck, not because I needed to… yeah. *ahem*