…it’s like Livin’ On A Prayer, but without the 80s hair and the sissy lead singer. Sorry Jersey, but it’s time to let go. Anyway, I just stumbled across bumwines, which lists some of the cheaper ways that our nation’s homeless folk get sauced. One of the more prestigious (which I hope is not an oxymoron in this case) wines listed is ol’ T-bird, or Thunderbird as it is more commonly known. I was pleased to see this on the list, as I introduced it to Bolt Boy and some members of my crew (musn’t forget just how white I am) to this fine beverage just a couple of weeks ago. See, they were deprived of the tragic pleasure of being a 17-year-old in search of cheap booze. I was waxing nostalgic, and wanted to relive those days again. Needless to say, after a few chugs on this $2.99 per bottle treat, the boys and girls were very satisfied. Kind of sad in a way that they acheive the simple pleasures of mid-teenaged life in their mid-to-late twenties.
Anyway, since most of you are probably teenagers right now, it’s up to me to play the part of big brother. And as your big brother, I need to instruct you on the cheapest ways to get drunk, and get little highschool chicks drunk in your presence. This list is a good start. Stay away from the shit beers, because horny little highschool cheerleaders do not like beer, let alone beers that taste like canned ass filtered through sweatsocks.
Heed my advice, young ones. Especially the drunkened advice, because it is the most honest. And honesty, or faux honesty really, is what hardens the nipples of your little shitty-poetry-writing-emo-loving-girlfriend. Next time, we’ll discuss how to remove her bra with one hand, while pouring her a delicious-yet-loaded-with-alcohol drink.
Cheap ShitAah, the joys of being underage and attending crowded stanky basement house parties where the kegs are loose, the women are looser, and both are filled with ‘The Beast’–Old Milwaukee’s Best.
hmmI was under the impression that Old Swill and Beast were two separate beers.