Author: Sharkey

[ Slave Leia Version 3.0 ] – Wow, nice craftsmanship.

So you might remember my rant from the other day about the idiot at the “shitkicker high school” who wouldn’t give me FTP access to his server. Since then, he has been quite lax in responding to any requests for information or assistance, so I was basically ready to say “fuck it” and let him rot.

Today the asshole had the fucking nerve to say that he doesn’t understand why this is so difficult, and that if I don’t have the skills to fix the problem, then they should just roll back to another version of their site until we can get their shit together. …MOTHER. FUCKER. He has absolutely no idea what he’s doing, he’s asking me for a fucking favor, and he has the goddamned gall to insult me? This is the same asshole who thought I could get the ASP code just by browsing to a fucking website, so you can see why I would take his opinion on technical issues with the same amount of respect as the word of a brick wall. A retarded, mute brick wall.

So of course, I responded with a little bit of anger and frustration. I told the prick that if he wanted to give me access to the server, or perhaps SEND me one of these “working” ASP mail forms, I could do something to help. Otherwise, we have reached an impasse. I didn’t go off on the bastard like I wanted to, because he’s not my client. Unfortunately when I told the people who asked me this favor, they said that I should have just reamed the motherfucker and told him to shove the website up his ass. Considering his technical know-how, he might have thought that such a thing was possible.

You know, I was certian that we had a Thandie Newton gallery at SOTD, but I just couldn’t find it. That’s when I remembered that she was one of the original 50-odd slices from four years ago, when I first put up sliceoftheday. Sad that we lost some of that stuff, but we can always make up for lost time. So by request of auralmirage, here she is.

I tried finding more pics of Thandie, but she seems to be camera shy. If you’ve got access to any good shots of her (that are not from premieres or shit like that, those are copyrighted) then by all means, send them to me.

Suggest a slice. First person to do so, I will try my best to grant your wish.

So today I finally gave in to a bit of nagging, and went to go see an old friend. She and I have known each other since junior high, which makes her one of the oldest friends I’ve got. I’ve tried to keep our contact to a minimum recently, since things got a tad “out of hand” in regards to our relationship a few years ago. During those years she went and got herself pregnant by some guy who has, of course, ditched out on her. Seems like a common case these days.

For an afternoon I got a taste of what life with a newborn is like. I say a taste, because I know she has to put up with a lot more than I did in a few hour timespan. We chatted, we reminisced, all the usual bullshit. All the while I had the pleasure of helping take care of this two-month old baby. And as I sat there at dinner, looking at this squirming, smiling little infant, I was reminded of that moment in Grosse Pointe Blank, when John Cusack is staring at the baby, you know? That moment where he looked past himself and saw meaning to life. Then I thought just how easily I could have had this kid. I thought about how easily life could have changed three years ago. I thought about how badly my most recent ex wanted marriage and children, with me, and how I rejected that. As I stared into the eyes of this little baby, all of these things roamed through my head. And as I placed the baby into its little travel seat, I smiled and wiped a remnant of drool off of her little face, then looked up to the sky and thought:

“THANK YOU GOD! OH MERCIFUL HEAVENS, THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU FOR NOT LETTING ME FLUSH MY LIFE STRAIGHT DOWN THE TOILET BY SPREADING MY SEED AROUND LIKE A MORON! THANK YOU FOR SPARING ME FROM A LIFE OF SCRAPING AROUND CATERING TO A LITTLE BAG OF FLESH THAT ONLY SEEMS TO BE BUILT FOR CRAPPING AND CRYING! MIGHT I SAY IT ONE MORE TIME, GLORIOUS CREATOR, THANK YOU!”

…what? You thought I was having a Cusack moment? Please baby, I’m a dick! A very-relieved-not-to-be-a-father dick!

*thinks for a minute*

…

*knocks on wood*

Yep. Since the Paris Hilton gravy train has slowed down, you’d imagine it’s time for another sex tape.

Here it comes, bitches! (blatently stolen from the forum)

This time, London’s News of the World claims to have obtained a tape showing the high-stepping Hiltie getting naughty with ex-boyfriends Nick Carter and Jason Shaw. Hilton is said to be shown “writhing in the back of a car as she is groped intimately” by former Backstreet Boy Carter. In another scene, Paris answers the the door buck naked — wearing only a “pore strip” across her nose — for Tommy Hilfiger model Shaw, tattles the tab.

Elsewhere in the video, Hilton reportedly puffs on a joint, chirping, “Paris Hilton, part two: How to roll a joint!”

Amazing. I can’t wait until she has a kid old enough to surf the future Internet and find old websites talking about mommy getting stuffed in one of grandpa’s sleazier hotels. Or about how she got fondled in the back of a car by the openly gay Senator, Nick Carter.

Then, God willing, this kid will grow up and follow in her mother’s footsteps. And I will still be there to link to it on Sliceoftheday. My vision of the future kicks ass, especially because the government has come up with a newer, more powerful version of cheese that will create Irish nachos so delicious that foreign wars will now be averted with their dairy-borne goodness.

[ Skunks invade neighborhood, residents cry like little bitches ] – The whole third gradish “IT’S NOT FUNNY, STOP LAUGHING!” sort of attitude is what makes this thing worthwhile.

Yeah, another one. This time from Baaron, who sent me a link about a British kid who raped and murdered his grandmother. Is it bad that we’re starting to get desensetized to shit like this?

A teenager today admitted raping and killing his 92-year-old great grandmother.

Jamie Limbrick, 18, had previously denied the murder and rape of Marjorie Davis between September 1 and 4, 2003.

Today at Bristol Crown Court he changed the rape plea to guilty and pleaded guilty to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility. The pleas were accepted by the Crown.

What the Hell is this “diminished responsibility” bullshit? Did she have some sort of rape-induced heart attack? Did he accidentally burn the place down with a post-coital cigarette? Did… oh man. The horrific ways he could possibly cause an “accidental” death resulting from raping his grandmother has officially disgusted me.

Desensetized nothin’, I’m going to go vomit. Fuck the crown.

Look. I don’t mind doing favors for some of my friends. I don’t mind doing favors for certain clients. And I don’t mind doing favors for hot women, but those are usually of a non-technical nature. But I fucking hate it when someone else’s client gets passed off onto me because that certain “someone else” has moved off the face of the planet, and I’m stuck cleaning up their idiotic messes.

Take today, for example, when I got called at lunch because one of these clients was having a shit fit. Now, the guys around here usually don’t know what’s my fault, and what isn’t. They just know that if it involves the words “programming” or “database”, it probably gets forwarded to me. Now this particular client was having what seemed like a very simple mySql problem. My first instinct was that either the database was down, or someone had fucked with the root password. I ask the head genius over there if he’s touched anything, and I mean anything in the last few days. He says no, so I spend about ten minutes bartering for access to the server, going in and resetting the root password. This solves the problem instantly. So I ask the guy “Hey, who reset the root password for mySql?” and he just stammers for a minute, and blames it on the bitch that sits next to him. Mind you, this is a woman so dumb that inbred dogs look down on her, so I know he’s lying to me. I instruct him on the finer points of password changing, and that the next time he wastes my time I’ll be sending a fucking bill.

Now I’m dealing with some shitkicker high school, that doesn’t want to allow me FTP access to their server, but they desperately need an information request form programmed in ASP. Unfortunately the IT guy is a complete idiot, and can’t tell me any specific server settings, can’t give me access to the server, and needs me to fucking EMAIL him the updated files to test on the server. Unfortunately, with ASP and no FTP access, it’s kind of like operating on someone’s liver while blindfolded. There’s a million fucking things that could go wrong, and it takes a half hour before anything fucking happens. Needless to say, after trying mail scripts that are hand tailored to Win NT 4, Windows 2K, and Windows 2003, I am telling this fucker that I’m charging him $150 per email until this thing is finished. So its either a hefty bill, or he gives me access to his precious, precious server.

God dammit, I’m a cranky son of a bitch today.

This doesn’t make very much sense. Unless the fuckwit had an unimaginable case of the munchies, I can’t see how a pot smoker could ever lop off two women’s heads. Viciously ravaging a bag of Chee-Tos? Yes. Angrily biting the head off a marshmallow Peep? Sure. Taking an axe to a couple of women and running off into the forest? …I figured he’d be more inclined to take a nap or something.