Author: Sharkey

Seriously, can we stop putting out screenshots of stuff that I want to buy for one fucking day? Between books, DVDs, and games over the next 4 months (I’m estimating about GODDAMNED 30) I’m not going to have time to have sex with myself, let alone a living female.

So yeah, the fucking Nintendo DS train just keeps rolling. I may as well just link to the individual articles, and you can pick what you feel like reading. I’ll be ranting about my ever-shrinking future wallet in a moment.

• [ Mario Kart DS, Mario 64 DS, Advance Wars DS Screenshots ]
• [ DS Wireless Capabilities – Kick-ass! ]
• [ DS Launch Titles, Final Fantasy III (Not VI) For DS ]
• [ Metroid Prime: Hunters, Mario 64 DS Movies ]

While I’m actually saddened by the quality of graphics for Advance Wars DS, I will still buy it because I loved the others. I’m still wetting myself over the idea of handheld Mario 64, and you can never go wrong with another Mario Kart title.

I sincerely hope that they bring FFIII over to the states, as I think it’s the only FF game that I have not actually played, and I heard it was amazing. Perhaps if it enjoys commercial success, Square Enix will pull their heads out of their asses and put out VI on this damned thing.

Now, the one thing out of all these links that really makes me salivate is the new wireless info. The fact that you only need ONE COPY of some games (like Mario 64) in order to play multiplayer is… an amazingly good idea, and I’m glad that they finally realized it. Seems like competition is good for some things. And by some things, I mean me.

From: Sharkey
To: [email protected]
Subject: Safari Suggestion

Dear Employees of Apple,

Thus far, your company and I have been at peace. Up until the last few days, you VW-driving peace lovers have been more of a minor nuisance, rather than a problem. As long as your day-to-day operations didn’t bother me, I wouldn’t bother you. In fact, I even applauded you for the Ipod, which I still enjoy to this day. However, I’m afraid that our accord has reached an end. And before my rabid monkey whordes storm your office, wielding nunchucks and yanking out your queer little ponytails, I have decided to explain the situation. Please put down your Starbucks mocha-whatever and listen for a moment.

As you know, your machines are now shipped with the Safari browser as a default. I can understand that with all the proprietary junk you like to throw on those machines (which I value about as highly as the cardboard PCs that they use in model homes) you may as well throw this inferior product on there as well. I found it cute, considering your own install base, coupled with the install base of all KHTML browsers. Unfortunately, your measly 1% market share with this piece of crap that can’t even properly render HTML has cost me hours and hours of precious time today. Because some fucking prestigious university that I have been consulting for needed their goddamned website to function flawlessly in your turd-in-a-box that you call a web browser. Sadly, I had already spent all weekend making this web site function without flaws in nearly every browser on the planet. I was a goddamned master of compatibility. But oddly enough, your pile of shit has to make blinky fucking text for certain javascript elements, and can’t handle fucking standard HTML code the way that the “real” browsers can. Therefore, my client expected cutting-edge graphics and coding capabilities out of your jalopy. I had to spend all fucking day working on browser detection, DHTML versions of certain javascripts, fucking image rotators instead of a beautiful flash piece. All of this, because you insist on having this shit browser on the vanity-mirror that you call a computer.

True, I did get paid for this effort. And paid well. However, if you think that I enjoy pandering to 1% of the market (who are already a walking, talking joke to me), and wasting my valuable brain processes trying to work around your mistakes, you are even more idiotic than your ownership of Apple machines suggests.

Please wait 6-8 weeks for the delivery of monkey whordes. They will be along soon to drive that Jetta right up your fucking asses. Have a nice day.

Love,
Sharkey

*sigh*

I feel better now.

So I guess by now, a lot of you have heard about Howard Stern jumping over to Sirius satellite radio, signing a $500 million 5-year contract in the process. And if you haven’t, here’s a couple of tidbits:

Howard Stern, the ribald radio host who has become a poster boy for bad behavior on U.S. airwaves, will jump to Sirius Satellite Radio in January 2006, freeing him from the grips of regulators and giving the nascent satellite radio sector a big boost.

The deal gives a much needed shot in the arm to Sirius, which lags behind larger competitor XM Satellite Radio Holdings Inc.(Nasdaq:XMSR – news), and establishes the medium as a competitive alternative to traditional radio. Investors cheered the news, lifting Sirius shares 15.5 percent to a two-year high.

Sirius currently has more than 600,000 subscribers, a fraction of Stern’s current audience of 12 million listeners on broadcast radio, where he ranks No. 1 in 46 large markets across the country. Sirius said it would need to add 1 million subscribers to cover the cost of the five-year deal.

The numbers are pretty interesting here. Sirius is banking on over 8% (at least) of Stern’s listeners to not only install a Sirius-compatible stereo in their car/home/office, but pay the $12.95 per month subscription fee. I suppose if they’ve already got a subscriber base of 600,000 or so, there’s a really good chance that an additional million would jump on the bandwagon. It’s still a remarkable gamble, I bet XM is shitting their pants right now. Sirius just went from being the underdogs on the block to having the largest satellite-based cock. Not only did that rhyme, but it was ladened with excellent imagery.

What I’m wondering is whether or not any of you will be subscribing to Sirius, now that Stern will be moving there? I already have a Sirius-compatible, and I’m easily within their target demographic of age range and disposable income, but I’m not paying fucking $12.95 a month to listen to Howard. But I would wager that this was more of a step towards retirement. The man is 50-years old, filthy fucking rich, and this deal will carry him through 55. At this point, even if his show tanks on satellite radio, he probably wouldn’t give a shit. Especially with an excess $500 million to cushion his fall.

Oh goddammit. Just when I was starting to think that with the power issues and a list of games that I didn’t give a shit about, the Sony PSP might not be an essential buy next year.

Then I see this video from the Tokyo Game Show and throw that idea out the window. Fucking bastards.

[ Respect. ]

[ I Am Learn ] – Learning Perl script actually produces a blog worth reading for more than ten seconds. What’s sad is that this thing writes with more lucidity than some people I know.

Lately I been speaking to Edwin about lesbian webloggers. The human body sometimes baffles me and I appreciate it!Please comment on the state of lesbian webloggers or lesbian webloggers here for me to read.And they are the best there is with my my mojo too. Please comment on my babbling or lesbian webloggers here for me to read. that seems to be the case. What do you love to say?.

So this are my 56th post and..I despise hard-ass robot monkeys.

This mothefucker covers some kickass topics. Lesbians. Britney Spears. Hard-ass robot monkeys. I never even thought to post about hard-ass robot monkeys, let alone formulate my own opinion of them. We’re all in serious trouble here.

You probably remember her from “The Real World” in London, but she’s been in a lot of shitty movies lately, so you should probably pay attention to Aussie hottie, Jacinda Barrett. I guess she’s in that new flick, Ladder 49, which I probably won’t see.

I apologize for the skimpiness of the gallery, but those are pretty much all the non-owned-by-lawsuit-happy-image-corporations photos I could find of her. Any assistance in beefing up the picture selection would be appreciated.

Got a bit of gold in my inbox from Baaron, who had to tell me about this poor bastard in Bucharest who sleepily attempted to behead a noisy chicken, and…. well, just read it.

A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.

It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.

“I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it … and the dog rushed and ate it.”

While tragic, and disturbing on that level where you cringe and grab protectively at your business, I can’t feel too bad for this guy. I just got done discussing the wang with Chief_Bootknocker from the forums…. wait, that sounded bad. Let me rephrase. We were discussing how the wang, while a man’s best friend, is nothing but a retarded troublemaker. And since it is my most prized possession, light years beyond my adoration for my TiVo, I must be in constant “parent” mode with the idiot manchild that is attached to my nether regions. Therefore, even when I get out of bed, wiping the sleep from my eyes, my first instincts are: “sight, survival, penis.” Not exactly in that order, but you get the point. From the moment I wake to the moment I go to bed, I have to be constantly aware of this thing, which normally would lead into my “The One Ring is Sauron’s metaphorical cock” theory, but we don’t have time for that today.

Point of the matter is: even when I’m shit faced drunk and vomiting on myself in the bushes, I am ever-wary of what happens to my junk. Which means that if I’m going to be grabbing a sharp object, my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY (even above stabbing myself in the eyes, throat, or any prevalent artery) is the protection and security of my best pal, roommate, and hetero life partner. This guy either lost the love for his bid’ness, or he just didn’t read the manual on proper care and feeding of it. Either way, there was no respect involved, and unfortunately he paid the price.

My advice to you, my brothers, is to do something thoughtful for your piece today. Buy it something nice. Take a walk with it. Just remember to respect it, but not it’s opinions. It’s opinions are usually shit.

I suppose I should be waking up, eager for a new day of work and kicking ass, as opposed to going to bed. But then again, sleep is for little girls. Man can survive on coffee and maybe one of those raspberry-filled danishes, right?

…time to get my lil’ girl ass into bed so I can at least get two hours.

Going to see Jimmy Eat World out in the always-pleasant (/sarcasm) Riverside. Hopefully we don’t fucking arrive during their finale like last time.