Author: Sharkey

I’m buying a Britta filter.

I swear, I should be a marketing spin doctor. These are the kinds of guerilla campaigns that I would spearhead. You damned consumers wouldn’t know what hit you.

Holy crap, I was skeptical about these pills my doctor gave me… but I feel excellent. How are you?

[ Chocolate-Coated Highway Creates Traffic Havoc ]

Northbound lanes of a highway south of Rochester were closed for five hours last night after a tanker truck crashed and spilled 45,000 pounds of liquid chocolate. State police say there were no serious injuries in the crash.

Troopers say the truck driver swerved to avoid a deer. The truck, from M & M Mars in Elizabethtown, Pa., rolled over and the tanker split, spilling its load.

A road grader had to be brought in to scrape up the chocolate, which also covered a bridge and a car on another road below. The fire chief said it smelled like a Hershey bar — but no nuts.

I won’t say it. I won’t.

Billy Ray gave me a call a little earlier, and mentioned the hostage situation at the Mexican consulate in LA. The guy was shot, and the hostages were let go, but there was something awfully funny in the foxnews article regarding the situation. Here, I will present it to you, by giving you the beginning and ending paragraphs of the article, unaltered. Enjoy.

First ¶: A man demanding media attention took a female employee hostage at the Mexican consulate Tuesday before he was wounded by police outside the building. The hostage escaped unharmed.

Last ¶: “I just dropped the tamales, and we got out of there,” she said.

Nice.

Yeah yeah yeah, Tara Reid had a titty slip the other day, in a brilliantly horrific piece of PR wizardry. If this wasn’t a stunt conceived by her publicist, then the bitch is on coke. Lots and lots of coke. Because no woman could fucking sit around with their tit hanging out and a loose fitting dress around her arms without thinking “hey… its a bit drafty.” Shit, even if her newly purchased tits were rendered completely insensetive to the elements during the salinification process, she might notice that the dress fell off her shoulders and landed around her goddamned ankles.

Anyway, I threw up a gallery (thank zuzu for the pics) of the now infamous incident, for the five of you that haven’t seen the pics yet. Personally I don’t like having so many pictures of bad nipples on my server, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices in the name of science.

Yeah. I’m a scientist now. What of it, bitch?

So yeah… I’m weak.

So let’s see. List of games to finish:

1. Ninja Gaiden
2. Chronicles Of Riddick
3. Fable
4. Tony Hawk Underground 2
5. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
6. Halo 2

I present those in chronological order, because each one has taken the place of it’s predecessor, in many cases just days away from completion. I’m sure there was something prior to Ninja Gaiden, but I believe that TV and video games have sapped what little memory I had left in order to make room for hand-eye coordination skills and the locations of oysters on the GTA map.

So yeah, so I wonder how far I’ll get through my latest 3 games before KOTOR II comes out?

[ Virtual Bartender ] – When I asked her to pour beer on her titties, I really thought she was going to do it. Dumbass. That’s why she gets such shitty tips. Although typing in “lick yourself” was entertaining. This thing could kill about three minutes of your time, easily.

**UPDATE** …fuck that. It’s all about “fight” and “french kiss.”

While watching the Vikings game, Bolt and I caught a commercial for the new Salma Hayek flick, After the Sunset. The movie may look like total ass, but they sure knew how to market it: a nice opening shot of Salma cleavage, followed by many, many tight shirts.

…many.

We went on to discuss the fact that Salma here is probably the hottest girl to ever come out of Mexico, which makes her their most valuable export. That’s right, burritos and cheap labor are nothing compared to the powers contained within that tight little body. And considering how much I love burritos and cheap labor, you better believe I’ve thought long and hard about this.

Ah yes, I forgot in all the hubbub surrounding today’s server outage that I needed to bring you pie. What a jackass. Here’s some delicious Carmen Electra, and thanks to EvilPoda, even more Carmen Electra. That last gallery is rather spicy btw, filled with the latest Playboy goodness, so watch out at work. Which is good advice from me, since it’s almost 9 at fucking night.

So yeah, thank EvilPoda. As for me, I’m going back to the bar next door and having another brew. Hopefully by then, the Goddamned Vikings will have pulled it together.

This is what we get for having a cardboard box with a network card for a server. Hopefully it stays up this time. Complaints are going out as we speak.

[ Dragon’s Lair III Demo ] – What the Hell? Why am I just hearing about this now?