Author: Sharkey

Even as she inches towards 40, the delicious Jillian Barberie seems to get hotter and hotter all the time. Maybe it’s because she’s single now. Maybe it’s because she’s feeling that biological clock ticking, and looking to use that figure-skating-molded body any way she can. Maybe I should shut up and let you take a look at the new pics that EvilPoda sent me. The world is filled with mysteries.

…

Good work Canada. Now, do me a favor. All of the douchebags who want to emigrate from the US, and join you in the great white North, will be given safe harbor. Consider them my gift to you. All of your super hot bitches, like Jillian here, are to be exported as part of our “pie-exchange program”, and I will be expecting payments in long-legged beauties each month.

Someone has to unify America again, and dammit, it’s going to be tits. …I mean me. Yeah. Me and tits. What a team.

Mail caaaaalllllll!

From: reynard
Subject: Natalie’s “cleaverage”

Something you might like:

https://www.imdb.com/gallery/virtual/brunettes/11

Hoo damn! An early Christmas present! …or an early Hanukkah present, to be precise. Here’s a little bit of Natalie news straight from IMDB, that you might find interesting:

FROM: IMDB
Actress Natalie Portman is comfortable with the inevitable prospect of seeing her naked body splashed across the internet, after her new movie Closer hits cinemas. The sexy screen star plays a stripper in the raunchy film – in which she appears alongside Julia Roberts – and she’s prepared for the fact stills grabbed from her nude scenes will soon dominate celebrity websites. She says, “Yeah, it’ll be nude celebrities dotcom. But that’s fine. I’m not scared. I’m brave. I feel like I’ve got to a point in my life where everything I do is active rather than reactive.” However, Portman laughs off theories she agreed to the steamy role in an intentional effort to abolish her former child star reputation. She adds, “I’m not doing things to prove anything. That makes me comfortable with whatever people walk away with. I can still carry on my own life without being hurt.”

Whatever you say, babycakes. As long as those nudie scenes wind up on the web, I won’t have to kill your overbearing director by stuffing his mouth with concrete and dumping him into the Hudson.

By the by, if you’re looking for more Natalie Portman, all you had to do was ask.

So this was the “wedding weekend” for a couple of good friends of mine. The wedding itself was the best I’ve ever been to, and normally I fucking hate weddings with the fire of a thousand suns. And pretend that those suns reek of a few million tire fires and burning paper mills on their surfaces, that’s the level of hatred we’re talking about. But this was a good cerimony (short & sweet) and the reception (open bar) was pretty kick-ass.

The wedding (and bachelor party) was pretty much the reason for my absence this weekend. If it wasn’t wedding-related, it was recovery due to wedding related boozin’. And although I’m sure you missed me, take comfort in knowing that the following quote came courtesy of the bachelor party:

Context: Killbot, the resident Jewish guy, is talking to Floyd about Mel Gibson’s “The Passion.”

Killbot: “I didn’t really enjoy it, but I kind of have a respect for what Mel Gibson did with the movie. I mean yeah, I may not believe that it happened, but I respect it. I know there are other movies I feel that way about, but I can’t think of any off the top of my head.”

Sharkey: “Oh yeah. I get what you’re saying. I mean, I don’t believe that the holocaust happened, but I respect what Speilberg did with Schindler’s List.”

…

I know what you’re going to say, so just stop. I’m saved by the grace of Jesus, so no, I am not going to Hell. …but I deserve it.

Target : Entertainment : Marijuana

Potheads, the place now has everything you need. Free shipping too, that’s a plus.

[ Vibraexciter ] – I can’t beleive I haven’t seen one of these before.

And just in time to add to your Froogle Wishlist, ladies.

Gobble gobble, motherfuckers.

I’m letting the turkey, gravy, and various other things made of animals and/or sugar join forces within my mighty stomach, so I figured I’d check up on my mail. I had the following holiday wishes from Matt:

Sharkey-

I’m thankful for Katie Holmes. I’m thankfully for Keira Knightley. I’m thankful for Kate Beckinsale. I’m thankful for Scarlett Johannson. I’m thankful for Monica Bellucci.

And I’d be thankful for Sharkey if you make one (or all) of them slice(s) of the day.

Your wish is granted, starting in reverse order, since those “K” girls have been highlighted far more recently than the super-delicious Monica Bellucci, so I’ve taken the liberty of doubling her gallery. Enjoy.

Now to cozy up next to the fire with a slice of pie, an actual slice of pie, and perhaps Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. I’ll see you motherfuckers in the morning as I’m trampling you during the Black Friday sale at Frys. No, I’m not looking for anything in particular, I just can’t pass up an opportunity to trample people, especially when they’re still overstuffed with giblets and gravy.

Solo just sent me a link to a story about Britney Spears’ former husband, Jason Alexander, making out with a trannie in Miami. …I didn’t mean to rhyme that time. …god dammit.

“In Miami, Ana is well-known as a she-male — a guy who looks like a girl but still has his male equipment,” explains the source. “But most guys from out of town don’t have a clue that Ana’s a transsexual.”

Just how far did their make-out session go? Ana was reluctant to kiss and tell: “I met the guy in the club, we had a few drinks, we danced, we kissed and that is as far as I’m going with this story,” she/he purred to Star.

Ana’s Web site says she charges up to $2,000 for a night as a she-male escort, and boasts, “I’m better than anyone else when it comes to small waist… and that busty bleached blonde look with real 10-inch package.”

Hahahaha! Awesome. Goes from banging one of the more lusted after bitches on the planet, and getting the complete shaft metaphorically, to…. yeah, alright. Bad pun, won’t go there. Although you can imagine the conversation between the two:

Jason: “Yeah, I’m still kind of messed up. My ex wife is off banging this new guy right now.”

Ana: “Well look on the bright side, now you’re even!”

Jason: “That’s true, becau… wait… huh?”

*rimshot*

Looks like Mandy Moore has taken a note from other Hollywood starlets and joined the nipple slip club. Nothing super exciting, but you kids really seem to dig this shit, so…..

Now that we’ve got this out of the way, somebody needs to get on this whole Paris Hilton having pictures in Hustler thing, and quick. I want pictures, I want them here, and I want them now. I would also like a turkey sammitch, to prepare me for Thursday’s festivities.

[ Grill Skillz ] – from back in the day, when motherfuckers was passionate about they burgah-flippin’ skillz. Also take note of the Mr. T videos there, because the entire site is pretty much hand-carved out of solid gold.