Author: Sharkey

[ eXeem Beta Released ]

Proving that you can’t keep good pirates down. Yarr.

[ Britney Spears Pregnant? ]

Britney Spears has been out shopping in a baby store – and reportedly told staff she is nine weeks pregnant.

The scruffy Toxic babe – who wore a skimpy pink top with no bra – was snapped in trendy Babystyle in downtown LA.

It would hardly be a surprise, as Britney has hinted many times over that she’s desperate to have hubby Kevin Federline’s baby.

Meh. She pretty much flushed her career down the toilet anyway, so why not? Besides, the sooner she shits a kid out, the sooner she can stare longingly at the Britney Spears gallery and wonder what made her ass go from apple to watermelon.

What the Hell? 20 people show up to watch the most boring ten seconds in the history of mankind, and are excited about it.

I had to post this, because it’s so ridiculously non-newsworthy that I refuse to beleive that I am reading about it. I figure that putting it here will help me come to grips with the reality of the situation.

OK, so the fuck what. I’m a nerd.

Experience my nerd-dom.

Yeah. I just bought a couple of presale tickets, $125 each. I get to meet Nobuo Uematsu, who probably doesn’t speak a lick of English. And I will be the guy shaking his hand, saying “Hi. I spent a lot of money to prove what a Goddamned nerd I am. I love your work. Please don’t tell any actual women that I came here. Arrigato.”

*shakes head*

How I get women into bed is a mystery to me.

[ Boromir Kicks Ass ]

I feel bad for the guy, but at least he went out in style.

A weekend television weatherman was fired after he made an on-air racial slur about Martin Luther King Jr., station officials said.

Rob Blair of KTNV-TV was delivering the extended forecast Saturday morning when he said: “For tomorrow, 60 degrees, Martin Luther Coon King Jr. Day, gonna see some temperatures in the mid-60s.”

Jim Prather, vice president and general manager of the ABC affiliate, said Blair stumbled but the excuse was not enough to save his job.

Careful not to mix up words on Valentines Evil Bloodsucking Succubus Whore Day. You might get in a little bit of trouble with the missus.

Here’s a tip. The IRS always fucks you. Always. You can play games with your taxes, and shuffle around bits of money, sure. But you try to fuck them big, and you don’t know what you’re doing, they will fuck you. And with recent budget cuts, you’re looking at Grade D lubrication, friend.

So it should stand to reason that anybody with common sense would not attempt to royally fuck over the IRS without an incredibly good plan, or possibly brain damage. And I wouldn’t imagine that anyone in their right mind would neglect to report over $1 million dollars in prize money, especially considering that person won it in front of 50 million TV viewers. Something tells me that the IRS is gonna figure out that you have the cash, braniac.

Richard Hatch, the first winner of CBS’s “Survivor,” was charged today with failing to report his $1 million reality TV windfall to the Internal Revenue Service. The below two-count criminal information, unsealed today in U.S. District Court in Rhode Island, charges Hatch with filing a false 2000 tax return that omitted his seven-figure “Survivor” winnings. The nudity enthusiast, 43, is also charged with filing a false return for 2001 (he allegedly did not report $321,000 paid to him by a Boston radio station). If convicted of the felony charges, Hatch could face a maximum of five years in prison for each count and could be hit with a $250,000 fine. Hatch is scheduled to be arraigned on the charges in Providence federal court January 24.

And. You’re. An. Idiot.

[ Why Don’t We Get Ads This Clever? ] (from Bongweasel)

**Updated** The link should work now, thanks again to the Bongmeister

What a productive day…. this would have been.

I woke up at 7:15, so that I could go utilize the best services the government could offer. I was planning to hit the DMV at opening, so that I could avoid the sweaty masses yearning to clog up the freeways. Then it would be a jaunt over to the court, to settle up a traffic ticket. I arrived ten minutes prior to the DMV’s opening, got out of my car, and marvelled at the complete desolation in the parking lot. After grabbing a McGriddle across the street, and chugging down my orange juice, I sat down in my car and checked the clock. 7:59. I was about to get up and test the front doors when it dawned on me.

Monday. Martin Luther King Junior Day. AKA: Sharkey is an idiot day.

Hey, fuck you. The only reason I knew it was Monday in the first place was because I was so angry to be working on Sunday.

[ Holy mother of God. ]

Throw a couple billion in each pocket, and all of the sudden those pictures really start making the ladies sweat. And please, somebody, for the love of God. Tell me what these pictures were actually for. Maybe I’m just illiterate, and can’t find the actual source material. Or maybe I’m just blinded by the overwhelming sexiness pouring out of my monitor.