Author: Sharkey

What with the server moves and stuff, I’ve been a busy son of a bitch this week. And I’m not even close to down with the BAMF server move, so my weekend looks action packed. Somebody point me towards the nearest gun store so I can pack my “action” with a round of hollow points.

Bitching aside, here’s a few links that I need to hip you to:

• Solosier is back. It’s also his birthday, so go spank him.
• Ramblings is back. Sort of.
• NY Hotties is a site run by Alexa, who hit me up for a link last month and got hosed by my complete inability to take 45 seconds out of my day to update the left navigation of this site. Problem solved though, so go show her some love. Her stories are pretty funny.
• Find me a girl who can appreciate this shirt and I’ll show you one of three things: an ugly girl, a blogger with some portion of a brain, or a combination of the previous two. Either way, I’m not opening my wallet to give her this.

Yikes. Better get some pie up here, fast. I’ve got a reputation to uphold.

From: Some Guy
Subject: badassmofo.com for sale?

Hello,

I’m seriously interested in buying “badassmofo.com”Would you be interested in selling your domain badassmofo.com?If so, what is your asking price?

Survey says:

From: Sharkey
Subject: Re: badassmofo.com for sale?

$100,000 and two comely lasses of virtue true.

Haggle from there.

Sharkey
badassmofo.com

Same offer stands for the rest of you. But let me tell you something: those lasses better be as comely as they uh… come.

Apparently coke can do a lot of things, but one feature of the drug that I had not previously been aware of is it’s ability to make you forget about being sexually abused by Michael Jackson. Thankfully for poor Corey Feldman, he cleaned up for just long enough to remember some “improper” things that happened to him at Neverland Ranch. Good timing, cocaine. Now, go introduce yourself to an Olsen twin.

In an exclusive interview, Feldman, now 33, speaks out with surprising new claims about his relationship with Jackson. The actor, known for his roles in “Gremlins,” “The Goonies” and “Stand by Me,” has stood by Jackson until now.

He tells Bashir why he is now coming forward with allegations about their friendship.

“I started looking at each piece of information, and with that came this sickening realization that there have been many occurrences in my life and in my relationship to Michael that have created a question of doubt.”

Yowzers, and just in time for Corey to plug his new stage version of Fatal Attraction. What are the odds?

[ Superman Is A Dick ]

You really want to check out this one. A confirmation of the obvious, finally.

Saw the following over at Magic Box:

Hironobu Sakaguchi, the father of Final Fantasy, said his new company Mist Walker is working on a new simulation RPG title for Nintendo DS, which can be played with just the stylus.

…

My new company, Funny Walker, is working on a new simulation game for the Nintendo DS stylus where it finds itself within the confines of Hironobu Sakaguchi’s ass. The monkeys will do much beta testing on this product.

[ Britney Spears Topless On Balcony ]

…and it isn’t exactly flattering.

I’m calling bullshit on that last “nipple” shot. Unless, of course, her nipples decided to take a dramatic turn to the east when she got married. Either way, what the fuck is she doing? I mean, if it’s a publicity stunt, why not gussy yourself up a little bit first?

**Edit** Uploaded the pics to Slice of the Day because that other server sucks.

Rapper Houston (yeah, I don’t know either) has had a fun week. The guy has been undergoing treatment for manic depression, and thanks to the wonders of PCP, beleives himself to be Jesus. So what would any guy who thinks he’s Jesus want to do? You guessed it: attempt suicide and pluck out his own eye. Because as it said in the book of… Apostle Guy… “Let he who is without sin cast the first eye.” No. No that wasn’t it. It was “Let he who is without eyes cast the first stone.” Because if I’m blind, I’m hitting someone with a big fucking rock.

After being thwarted in a suicide attempt in a London hotel room, R&B singer Houston gouged his own eye out.

On Thursday Houston attempted to jump out of a 13th-floor hotel window but was stopped by his security personnel, sources close to the singer said. He was moved to a lower floor and locked in his room, where he injured himself. Additional details are still coming to light, and photographs of his injury are circulating online.

“I was told he wanted to commit suicide and stabbed his eye out,” K-Sly said. “He was telling people he was Jesus and wanted to go home to his Father.”

And if that didn’t make your mouth water for lunch, why not check out a snapshot of the injury! Hours of fun for the whole family.

[ Millennium Falcon X-Box ]

So… you ladies like Star Wars? …and video games? …I didn’t think so.

The delicious Kristanna Loken is apparently signed on to star in the Bloodrayne flick. That’s good, because she laid down a really good foundation of shit with that Terminator 3 nonsense, so she may as well build her shit house on shit… sand. Plus, it’s being directed by Uwe Boll, who is having his own problems with the critics right now.

By the way, did you hear that Keanu Reeves got a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday? Apparently his work as an EFF…BEE…EYE……..AGENT has merited him such accolades. And as a bonus, the fellow let everyone know who is to be held accountable for his rise to stardom:

“When I was 15 years old in Canada, I did a play called `Romeo and Juliet,'” Reeves said. “`I asked my mom if it was OK to be an actor, and she said, ‘Whatever you want.’ So thanks, Mom.”

Wow. That is touching. Congratulations, Mrs. Reeves. You’ve earned an all-expenses paid trip to Horribly-Painful-Simian-Induced-Death-Land. Be sure to try the soup in a bread bowl, it’s delicious.

You may have noticed a lag in posting for the last few days. This is due to the fact that I’ve been on the phone with various tech support representatives from various companies for the past five days or so. Sure, there have been breaks, but they were mainly used to drown my own hatred in a pool of soothing Jack Daniels®. At this point, I can honestly say that SBC has far and away taken the crown of “Most Fucking Useless” in the field of so-called “technical support.” Let me give you a hint as to what I’ve been attempting to accomplish:

Friend runs a company. Friend asks for help with a mailserver. I set up the mailserver, and figure that it’d be nice to have SBC (their T-1 provider) act as a backup DNS server, in case of a problem with their primary DNS server. Simple. Add a few records, take three minutes out of your average techie’s day, and it’s done. Finito. And for a company that’s used to dealing with $39.95/month customers, they should be able to handle a simple request from a client that’s spending upwards of $500/month for their dedicated connection. Or so you would think. Here are a few highlights from my journey into SBC’s bowels:

• Spent ten minutes explaining to a phone operator the difference between a DSL connection and a T-1. “About $450 dollars per month” was not an acceptible answer.
• Was hung up on by the billing department 8 times.
• Spoke to an automated person who couldn’t understand when I said the word “two” about a dozen times.
• Spent five minutes explaining the concept of DNS to a phone operator. I used phrases such as “when you type www.yahoo.com, magical things happen…”
• Spent ten minutes explaining the concept of DNS to a tech support representative. The phone operator got it in half the time.
• Number of calls it took to actually get someone on the phone who knew what I was talking about: About 15

Mind you, SBC was not the only place I was on hold with. I had three seperate companies regarding three seperate issues to speak to, and none of them had what you would consider “competent” support departments. Thankfully, it looks like I’m done. So now I guess I can die in peace.