Author: Sharkey

Pietracker.com – Solo set us up a pr0n tracker. Now you can go ahead with your Monday plans for violating yourself ten times before lunch.

Last night, prior to me dominating all games at Gameworks:

*girls are doing the girl-gossip thing, the men sit uninterested*
Jen: “That’s big news, why didn’t anybody tell me? Nobody tells me anything anymore!!”
*odd silence for a few seconds*
Me: *shrugging* “Um… I went full-blown gay.”
*laughter ‘splosion*

Yeah, it doesn’t work as well written out. But that’s your problem, not mine.

[ EXTREME Bugs Bunny ]

Ahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa! Oh God, somebody please make an anime version of Tom & Jerry so that my childhood will be sufficiently sodomized, stabbed to death, and buried in a shallow grave? In no particular order, mind you.

[ “Arrested Development” Cancelled? ]

One of the best fucking shows on right now, and they’re halting production four episodes shy of the normal 22 for the season. American Idol gets ratings through the roof, and quality shows like this get the shaft. Sounds about right to me.

Oh man… oh man oh man oh man. George Lucas has just made a believer out of me. Not a believer in Star Wars, mind you, as that will be a festering pile of camel shit. No dear friends, I have faith that George Lucas is the most radical human being alive.

You know what he’s doing, don’t you? He’s spending hundreds of millions of dollars to produce a giant celluloid cock. A cock that now has him, wearing a school marching band uniform, adorned upon it. And when he’s done with it, you and I are going to pay him over a billion in ticket sales and merchandising for the express pleasure of having him whap us in the face with this digital dong.

He is what all evil geniuses should aspire to be.

Just to tide you over until I can get the new server functioning properly, here are some new pics of Jennifer Love Hewitt from the new issue of Maxim.

Does she even work anymore? I think that Garfield and the Jackie Chan flick might have finished her career off. Oh well.

Yeah, not much time for the news and whatnot, since I’ve spent most of the day configuring the new servers. I really, really dislike the software they’re running on.

[ Actor Tom Sizemore Fails Drug Test With Fake Penis ]

Nothing else you can say about that headline, really. It’s perfect.

[ Midway Scores “Adult Swim” License ]

Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck. Please don’t suck.

“Friends… relations… Whatever the hell Meatwad is… I’ve lived a full life. It’s actually been pretty bitchin’. But now, regrettably, my life has been taken. Please bury me with all my stuff, because you know it’s mine… Dearest Meatwad: Turn on that dumb game ’cause I’m gonna wail on you from the grave, baby! Suck it up, mutha! Missing you already, M.S. “

As long as they have lots of Captain Murphy soundbytes from when he was alive, and they don’t turn ATHF into a first-person shooter, I’m happy.

Once again, the universe shows us that balance is the key to a harmonious existence. Yes indeed, it has once again sent Unidor to even out the wrinkles in the fabric of the universe with his iron of equalization. Upon a mystical unicorn, he rides. He rides for all of us.

Holy shit, my lunch smells like burning styrofoam.

Yep. Much to Solo’s dismay, Christina Aguilera is now engaged to her manager. But, on the flip side, my wife Katie Holmes has reportedly dumped uber-douchebag Chris Klein. One hand washes the other, each coin has two sides, and various other catch phrases spring to mind. All I know is that I got another chance to post about Unidor, and that makes me happy.