Author: Sharkey

I got a lot of good stuff from everyone yesterday, but I had to share one gift with you. My brother in law gave me the Extreme Lightning Reaction, and I gotta say, this is going to be one of the greatest fucking drinking games ever.

Extreme Lightning Reaction

Set the shock levels, grab a handle, try to be the first to hit the button after the light turns green. If you don’t, you get fucking shocked.

I had to go to four Christmas get-togethers yesterday (oy) and we played it at every single one. There’s nothing quite so satisfying as shocking some old guy who doesn’t know what’s coming. It’s especially fun picking on the sissies who don’t hold onto the handle after the initial shock. Watch out when women play, btw. They seem to love throwing the handles at the table after being shocked.

The stupid.com one came with batteries installed, which was pleasant. You can probably find the damned thing all over the place, but you should definitely grab one to fuck with your friends.

Merry Christmas, you little chiselers.

And the award for “Bitch-I’d-Like-To-Strangle-Most” this holiday season goes to…. this evil whore. Bring on the evidence, please:

Farrisi doesn’t believe in Santa Claus, and she doesn’t think anyone else should, either. She made her feelings clear to the classroom full of 6- and 7-year-olds, some of whom went home crying.

Schaeffer got off the school bus later that day, dragging her backpack in the mud, tears in her angry little eyes.

Wow. So basically, she’d like to destroy the fantasies of 6 to 7 year olds for her own personal gratification. That’s lovely. As you can imagine, there was backlash from the parents. Care to see what disciplinary action was taken against a teacher who directly contradicted the wishes of parents, and made a classroom full of children cry?

Since the issue involves personnel, Bell said Monday, there is little he can say about the incident, adding that it has not been determined if any disciplinary action is warranted against Farrisi.

“We do not have a Santa Claus policy,” he said. “It’s unfortunate, but I really can’t say anything about it.”

She’s a substitute fucking teacher, and she’s not going to get reamed for this? I know how the sub teacher program usually works, she should at least get dropped from the fucking call list. You know, if burning her on a big stake in front of the school doesn’t sufficiently destroy her corporeal form.

[ Stoned Owl Hides In Christmas Tree ]

Animal control officers from Pelican Man’s Bird Sanctuary came to get the owl, and said they smelled a strange odor on it when they did.

“Curiously enough, the owl’s feathers smelled very, very potently like marijuana,” said Jeff Dering, of the sanctuary. “They examined the owl, looked at its eyes, … and the owl was, in the vernacular, stoned.”

Blood tests confirmed the owl’s state.

How long before we get a bunch of stoned OH RLY? images?

So apparently these excellent photos of Jennifer Lopez hit the net, featuring a little bit of titillating nipple action. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to be up over at SOTD, so I went ahead and helped out a bit. You’re welcome.

Anyone care to be on the expiration date of the future ex-Mr-Lopez (Marc Anthony)? Her first marriage lasted like 11 months, the second one under a year and a half… I’m guessing this one will last forever, personally. I really do. Let’s all pull for these kids my friends, because the third time’s the charm.

*Please note, forever in Sharkey years is precisely 2 years, 4 months, and 23 days. Offer void in Utah. Please drink responsibly.

I love that everyone is making a big deal out of a simple sound bite from Scarlett Johansson. She made some sort of comment about monogamy being unnatural, and everyone takes it as a sure sign that she’s a complete fucking whore. She’s an actress folks, she loves the sound of her own voice, and she loves regurgitating shit that she heard some smart guy say in Variety. Besides, if she were a whore, she would have done at least one Goddamned nude scene by now.

…still, let’s not throw out all hope that she’s becoming a whore.

You may remember seeing Jenn Sterger over at the Facebook in a series of… excellent shots. Seems like the huge-tittied Florida State Cowgirl is going to do Maxim & Playboy, according to this interview. Yay for her, and even more yay for us.

*OK, the tough question that you probably hate to hear… but everyone wants to know. Are they fake?

No. They are real. Real expensive.

*There are some rumors floating around you might be May edition of Playboy. Is this true? If so, are you being featured in the girls of the ACC or is it just you by yourself?

It’s actually a spot in the ‘Top Ten Party Schools’ of the nation, and it’s with a girlfriend of mine, Fabi. It’s due out in the May edition.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

Everybody be on the lookout, I’m likin’ this chick the more I see of her.

Flickr Photo Pool: NYC Transit Strike

It’s kinda cool to see what’s going on over there right now. I want more shots of the insane crowds on the bridge. Oh, and for the record, Bloomberg walked today.

And just in case you’re in NYC now, trapped, and kinda bored…

Leeann Tweeden is just all kinds of hot wrapped up in… well, not much in the gallery. She just did a couple of pretty hot photo shoots, one for Stuff magazine, and they’re available over at SOTD.

For a former Playboy lingerie model, she’s gone nude a stunningly low amount of times. Somebody get this girl a more European attitude towards clothes, quickly.

Their intentions are in the right place… but their product leaves a lot to be desired. Although who knows, I’ve been to the midwest, I’ve seen the kind of chicks that corn-fed inbreeding can produce… maybe these girls are considered “gorgeous” over there. But here in Cali… they’re about as attractive as a McDonald’s lunch. Why not go take a look at the Geek Gorgeous Calendar and decide for yourselves, maybe my standards have just ascended a bit too high.

The calendar showcases young ladies who are not only beautiful and stylish, but can also fix your computer, normalize your databases, discuss the advantages of polymorphism, and beat you at Doom.

The calendar’s producer, who is a female software engineer, hopes the calendar will raise enough money to start a scholarship fund for girls interested in attaining degrees in Computer Science.

Yeah, a couple of them are fairly do-able, but other than the “geek” stigma, there’s no real reason to slap their images on any kind of marketing material. At least some of the uglier ones have some decent bodies, but that Barbara… what the Hell is she doing on there? She must be the wife of an investor or something, because she’s definitely got a face for radio.

I think I’ll stick to my Far Side calendar… thanks.