Author: Sharkey

I haven’t received a single complaint regarding my blatant whoring of the 360 console on this site, which means that I’m not doing my job effectively. Someone must be pissed off that I’m not talking about whatever bit of nothing is happening on the PS3 this week, right? No? It’s that, or nobody fucking reads this site anymore. I’m guessing it’s a little bit from column A, and a little bit from column B.

For those of you in column A who still read and don’t give a shit about my 360 whoredom, you should go ahead and buy yourself N+ on XBLA today. 800 points (just say ten bucks Microsoft, you’re not fooling anyone) for an astoundingly awesome game, online multiplayer (co-op and competetive) and a level editor to share your ridiculously stupid creations with everyone else. Sounds like a bargain, but then again I’m an impulse buyer of such extraordinary magnitude that I can actually feel my intelligence go out for coffee once an opportunity to open my wallet arises. Long winded diatribe aside, buy the Goddamned game.

Also, Gears of War 2 will be coming to the 360 in November, according to Microsoft/Epic’s announcement at the GDC this morning. There’s really nothing else to say about that, other than my brain will much enjoy the coffee break once it comes time to order it.

There’s no regularly scheduled Zero Punctuation this week, instead Yahtzee Croshaw will be doing some sort of special GDC series of videos over at Escapist Magazine tonight at midnight Eastern, or 9PM in the area of the country that I actually give a shit about. In the meantime, try to enjoy this mediocre little bit of Yahtzee from Ken Levine’s speech about Bioshock this morning. It’s all you get for now.

My apologies for the misleading headline, but there are no updates on the status of my genitals at this time.

A few months back I heard about that deal at Amazon or wherever, selling the 360 HD-DVD drive for super cheap and with a pack of free HD-DVDs. Naturally, I told my fellow 360 owner and enthusiast cousin about it. He jumped on the deal, whereas I hesitated just long enough to miss out on the deal. Poor me, right?

…Right. Sorry about that one, cousin.

It’s that time of week again, where Ben tears some game a new asshole on Zero Punctuation. This week it’s Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles for the Wii.

Also, in case you didn’t already know, Rez HD and Chessmaster Live hit Xbox Live Arcade today. 800 MS points apiece, but well worth it for the outstanding Res, or if you want to have your ass handed to you by myself in chess.

My cousin and I have been getting together once a week to play some co-op 360 games and were tragically forced to give Kane & Lynch a try. While it’s certainly not bad enough to have earned itself all of the bad publicity it earned during the Gamespot Gerstmann fiasco, it’s certainly not good. You have to forget about any sort of plot, because there’s no real motivation for anything that you’re doing other than standard video game instincts implying that you should murder anything that moves. The real bitch is the controls and the camera. I can honestly say that I thought we were done innovating in the field of awful video game cameras, but this game takes not just the cake, but the whole fucking bakery. Unlike in most games, using the “target” button to focus in on your crosshairs will not help you out very much, as it seems to zoom in on the back of your characters head most of the time. And I have to applaud whoever set up the cameras for two player co-op on any of the levels where you’re in a vehicle. Those levels were just a masterpiece of god-awful camera work. I’ve never had a split screen game confuse me as to which screen was mine after a solid hour of gameplay, but somehow the development team pulled it off. Kudos.