Author: Sharkey

I normally don’t like when the same chick is a slice twice in the span of a month, but did you get a load of Scarlett Johansson at the Golden Globes this week? I didn’t… but the wonders of the internet allow me to ogle in the privacy of my own… office.

Anybody catch her getting completely groped by red carpet commentator (and flaming homo) Isaac Mizrahi? Lord alive, the weird shit that gay people can get away with. It might be worth it to fake the funk, just so I could slap Jessica Alba on the ass, cop a feel, and play it off as comical because I enunciate with an effeminate lisp. Jesus, if I grabbed Scarlett’s tit in public, security would have my arm snapped in two before I could get full mast. Some ass-yodeler does it, and everyone is delighted by his antics.

It’s just unfair.

I’ve always thought that she looked like the hottest downs syndrome case on the planet, but that doesn’t change the fact that Devon Aoki is hot.

…it just… makes it a little more messed up.

Her part in Sin City was absolutely perfect for her. No speaking lines, stand around and point at things… sadly they didn’t leave in all the nudity that her part should have included.

There’s nothing hotter than a naked retard, right? …right?

*sigh*

Parrot Blows A Perfectly Good Affair (thanks Dave)

The African grey parrot kept squawking “I love you, Gary” as his owner, Chris Taylor, sat with girlfriend Suzy Collins on the sofa of their shared flat in Leeds, northern England.

But when Taylor saw Collins’s embarrassed reaction, he realized she had been having an affair — meeting her lover in the flat whilst Ziggy looked on, the UK’s Press Association reported.

Ziggy even mimicked Collins’s voice each time she answered her telephone, calling out “Hiya Gary,” according to newspaper reports.

That’s a real kick in the balls. Not only are you dating a bitch who’s too stupid to cheat properly, but… the stupid bitch thinks poorly enough of you to fuck another man in your bed. Thankfully you’ve got your trusty parrot to help you through these hard times, right Chris?

Taylor said he had also been forced to part with Ziggy after the bird continued to call out Gary’s name and refused to stop squawking the phrases in his ex-girlfriend’s voice, media reports said.

“I still can’t believe he’s gone. I know I’ll get over Suzy, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over Ziggy.”

Oh… guess not.

Maybe if he’d spent more time making the bird listen to “Oh Chris” this wouldn’t be a problem. If it’s any consolation, most British chicks are ugly anyways, bad teeth or not. And… she probably had bad teeth to boot. Move to So Cal Chris, your accent will be “cute” here.

Heavens to sweet fucking murgatroid, have any of you tried out the amalgamated games over at Broken Function? They’ve got MegaMan vs. Ghosts N Goblins and MegaMan vs. Metroid.

The bitchin’ thing about these games? It remembers whether or not you won. So if you get Samus Aran’s powers at the end of the MM vs. Metroid game, you get to keep them in the MM vs. GnG game. Pretty fucking nifty additional feature.

In case you didn’t know, Adrianne Curry is the super hot model who incredulously decided to start fucking Chris “Peter Brady” Knight after the two appeared on “The Surreal Life” together. Like the placebo effect, the location of Jimmy Hoffa, and why nobody’s offered Jessica Alba enough money to get nude on camera yet, some things will forever remain a mystery.

Adrianna just did a spread in Playboy, which was a moving experience. I’m sure I don’t need to explain the euphamism, we’ll just move right along.

That… sucks.

I got up this morning, and upon my windshield I beheld a substance unbeknownst to me, a native Californian. There, glistening in the sun, was a thick layer of ice adhered to my entire viewing area.

What the unholy Hell is going on around here? Hot as shit one week, an icy windshield (a first, in my 20-some-odd-years of life in So Cal) the next. I’m thinking that Mother Nature wants to kick the living crap out of us for all the fluorocarbons and cow farts that we’ve allowed to escape into the atmosphere. In the meantime, I have to go shopping for a heavy coat and a pair of shorts.

Mmmmmm, always loved the brunettes, especially hot British ones. And Kate Beckinsale has the total package. Even after having kids, she’s still dead sexy. And she’ll probably be sexy in the undoubtedly awful followup to Underworld: Evolution, which hits theaters real soon.

Mmm-mmm. Almost makes you forget about Serendipity, with a body like that.

FaaQ Captures Some Interesting Stuff From “Lost.” (HEAVY SPOILERS)

I love this fucking show.

Oh God, what the Hell is Marvel thinking? (thanks NHDJ1) They’re redesigning the Spidey costume, and from what it sounds like they’re hinting at, the Scarlet Spider will make a return visit. This is why I don’t really read comics anymore.

Word has been building for months now, and comic fans have been dying to know- what is Spider-Man’s new costume?! Well, folks, here it is! Recognize the color scheme? You should, it’s playing an important role in the future of the web-slinger!

After the shocking events in “The Other” storyline, Peter recieves this new costume to help him adjust to his newest developments, as well as giving him some added muscle! Designed by Marvel Editor-In-Chief Joe Quesada, this new design has a few tricks up its sleeve. “The Iron Spider design- as I like to call it- came to me during a Spider-Man story meeting we were having, we were talking and I was involuntarily sketching on a pad. It’s inspired by a sketch that Chris Bachalo did that showed a new Spidey costume with . I thought that was brilliant, especially since it echoed one of Spidey’s greatest villains, and I took the idea and imagined it as though seeing it through the eyes of Tony Stark. The sky’s the limit with respect to gadgetry when it comes to Tony inspired costumes.”

Every couple of years, I poke my head back into comics to see if it’s safe to get back in the water.

See you in 2008, Marvel.