Author: Sharkey

Infinium Labs Secures Phantom Funding

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

I hope Golden Gate Investors has money to burn, because they may as well have just wiped their asses with that $5 million and hit the flusher.

Goodbye WB, Adios UPN, Hello… The C Fucking W?!? – Good idea, stupid fucking name.

Today, in a joint venture with Warner Bros. Entertainment, we are announcing the intent to form a new broadcast network, The CW, to be launched in the fall of 2006. CBS and Warner Bros. will each hold a 50% interest in The CW, which will utilize the best programming from Warner Bros. and CBS Corporation, and tap the top executive talent of both organizations. Dawn Ostroff, currently President of UPN, will become The CW’s President of Entertainment and John Maatta, currently Chief Operating Officer of The WB, will become Chief Operating Officer.

The CW will clearly be greater than the sum of its parts — serving the public with high-quality programming, maintaining our ongoing commitment to minority audiences and delivering excellent demographics to advertisers. Additionally, The CW will be able to draw from the creative talent and production resources from the top two television production studios in the business, while also seeking programming from all sources — independent producers or other studios.

Just a hint here, UPN employees: greater than the sum of its parts means “we expect higher quality using fewer people,” so start updating those resumes now.

I like that they’re combining the two networks that I won’t watch into one massive network that I won’t watch. Frees up the space for some more Bond marathons or something.

Border Guards Have Mexican Standoff With… Mexicans… and the kicker is, they’re wearing Mexican military uniforms. Nifty, eh?

Men in Mexican military-style uniforms crossed the Rio Grande into the United States on a marijuana-smuggling foray, leading to an armed confrontation with Texas law officers, authorities said Tuesday. No shots were fired.

The Mexican Foreign Relations Department issued a statement saying that drug traffickers and other organized criminals have used uniforms and vehicles before. “It is possible that these actions were designed to damage the image of our armed forces,” it said.

Monday’s incident follows a story in the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin in Ontario, Calif., on January 15 that said the Mexican military had crossed into the United States more than 200 times since 1996. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has said reports of Mexican incursions into the United States were overblown and most were just mistakes.

They dropped over half a ton… half… a… ton… of marijuana when they turned tail and ran. Any potheads wanna estimate the net worth of that bundle?

Buttah. It’s like buttah. As in, Stacey Ferguson has a face like buttah. And I’m not talkin’ smooth, creamy, and delicious.

…that’s how I’d describe the rest of her, though.

Little known facts about Fergie: she was on “Kids Incorporated,” was the voice for Sally in many Charlie Brown cartoons, and was also featured in the amazingly informative video Mr. T’s Be Somebody… or Be Somebody’s Fool. True story. Almost makes up for that trainwreck God slapped across her mug.

So while I was off yesterday, the Internet just kept on chugging. How rude of the Internet. By now you may have already heard about the booth babe ban at E3 this year, but if not, here’s a synopsis:

Material, including live models, conduct that is sexually explicit and/or sexually provocative, including but not limited to nudity, partial nudity and bathing suit bottoms, are prohibited on the Show floor, all common areas, and at any access points to the Show. ESA, in its sole discretion, will determine whether material is acceptable.

For 2006, The Board has adopted an amendment to the current Character of Exhibit/Attire Policy enforcement. Exhibitors will receive ONE verbal warning when a violation of the policy is encountered. Should another violation occur, the ESA will impose a $5,000 penalty, payable immediately on-site and require that models comply with the dress code before returning to the floor.

So basically, they’re requiring a little more of a threadcount on these ladies. Not the worst thing in the world but… well yeah, it fucking sucks. I mean sure, the show should be about the games. But unfortunately, over time, it’s become a spectacle. An event. An experience. Sweaty fanboys have come to expect that this is the one time each year that they can have a hot, scantily clad woman touch them without having to pay for the adventure. Now it’s like the new California laws on strip clubs. No touching, no nudity, no excitement. Poor sweaty fanboys.

Apparently the ruling is nothing new, simply an enforcement/modification of pre-existing regulations. Whatever. Note that the show’s director is a woman. No doubt one who went post-menopausal this year and realized that her figure was never going to come back, and that her husband would always prefer the company of his secretary’s firm-yet-supple bosoms to her own, which require opposing adjectives. Tragic that Mary has to take out her sexual frustration on us, by simultaneously stripping away our freedoms and clothing women. Perhaps she should ride a couple of industry interns when they roll (or waddle) into town. They’d relish the company, and she’d appreciate someone clearing out the cobwebs in the undercarriage. Problem solved.

Pixar Approves Disney Buyout

The board of Pixar Animation Studios, the digital animations company, is set to meet tomorrow to approve the company’s $7bn (£3.9bn) takeover by Disney.

The all-share deal will make Steve Jobs, the chief executive of Apple, around $3.5bn and the single largest shareholder in Disney. Jobs created Pixar in 1986 when he paid $10m for the computer animations division of Lucasfilm, owned by Stars Wars creator George Lucas.

…the giant entertainment company has failed to produce a hit animated film of its own in years. By contrast, the six films that Pixar and Disney have made together since the 1995 release of Toy Story have grossed more than $3.2bn.

Well if you didn’t see that coming a mile away, you’re about as thick as J-Lo’s ass, and twice as jiggly. Disney and Pixar seem to work well together, hopefully the ownership by the big D doesn’t stifle their work.

Theres a new gallery of Joanna Krupa from Stuff magazine up over at SOTD. I don’t really know much about her, but holy Hell, she is just disgustingly hot.

Whoa wait… Playboy? Juggy girl? Sign me up, son.

Cops’ Computers Interfere W/Dunkin’ Donuts (thanks Bongy)

KEENE, N.H. (AP) — It turns out the officers’ in-car computers interfere with Dunkin’ Donuts computer system. Police using the drive-through have to disconnect their computer modems to avoid clashing with the restaurants’ system.

Keene’s City Council is looking into getting the police a faster, more extensive wireless network to make things better. Other departments and Keene’s school system might also be able to use it.

That means police could have better access to drivers’ records and Dunkin’ Donuts.

Mmmmm… delicious irony.

I hate my cousin for getting me addicted to “Lost.” I mean I love it now… but when that fucking season 2 cliffhanger comes along, I’m going to want to stab him with something rusty, possibly containing bits of uneaten food at the ends.

… anyway, Evangeline Lilly…

Deee-licious.

Too bad I kinda want to hit Kate.

Half the damned people I know were born in January. What the shit is that? I’m going to get a few birthday wishes out of the way here, because I want to mock some people and the respective anniversaries of their dates of birth seems to be an appropriate time for such endeavors.

• Raygun – Today is his actual birthday, so hit up the forums and pick on his temporarily de-modded ass. Then watch Trial of Raygun and remember the good ol’ days. Or the low budget ol’ days, whatever.
• Floyd – Today is Floyd’s birthday, and he’s supplied me with slices, news, and more A/V hookups in my life than I knew what to do with. He was also prominently featured in one of our banner ads, which he graciously forgave me for.
• Bud – Budley is one of my only friends to successfully procreate, and considering my friends… I’m grateful for that fact. Still, Bud is an evil man, which is why he gets a belated birthday greeting. I’m taking one back for Lincoln.
• Mr Mabs – Our wayward director of online content is also a proud parent, and living out in the boonies somewhere. Hopefully his kid has shoes. Happy belated birthday, until you move back to civilization, you’re a complete fucking hick my friend.
• Billy Ray – Billy Ray isn’t for another couple of days, but I may as well get it out of the way now. He’s got baby fever, which I find hilarious, because the man should really learn to chug a Goddamned beer before he tries his hand at procreating. If you’re not man enough to pound, you’re not man enough to parent, in my opinion.

Alright, now stop getting older you fuckers. I can only muster up the initiative to say Happy Birthday every so often.