Author: Sharkey

Holy hot damn, Emmanuelle Vaugier is looking incredible in the latest issue of Maxim. Almost makes me want to watch her show, “Two & a Half Men.” And by “watch her show” I mean “take pictures of her while she sleeps.”

Same difference.

I thought I recognized her. She’s the hot tramp that takes her top off in 40 Days & 40 Nights. Only thing that made that pile of shit worthwhile.

Quickies:

• Scans from the new Mario DS – Want. Buy. Now.
• Jack Thompson’s open letter to Bono – The man is a fucking lunatic. And he wasn’t very appreciative of his flowers, what a woman.
• Conference on gaming at UCI – Had to plan this for the one weekend in the month where I’ll be out of town on vacation, didn’t you, fuckers?
• Brokeback Sims – Because I want you all to suffer with me.

Nintendo Revolution’s Ass Exposed

Pics Of New Nintendo DS Lite

The new DS doesn’t really tickle my fancy (yes ladies, I have a fancy!) but that Revolution book… man I want one of those more than I want the console itself. That’s the raddest coffee table book I’ve ever seen, and it’s just a piece of marketing fluff. Those little slanty eyed bastards should put out a bunch of shiny books with Miyamoto’s notes and a bunch of sketches and then sell them to nostalgic fanboys with disposable income… like me.

Victims Criticize UK’s Digital Crime Sketch Results

Attention all units: Be on the lookout for Barry Hitler, who of course is the product of Adolf Hitler’s incestuous affair with his own sister, and that bastard offspring’s insemination by her own villainous father/uncle’s seed. Be advised, suspect is fairly retarded, and speaks in loud, halting German.

Oh Britney Spears, why must you make it so easy?

A Los Angeles County sheriff’s deputy went to the Malibu home of Britney Spears on Tuesday to collect information for child welfare investigators after photos showing the pop star apparently driving with her infant son on her lap began appearing on websites.

Spears, 24, said that she was trying to escape paparazzi and that she held the baby because she feared for his safety.

The photos, by a celebrity photographer, show Spears behind the wheel of an SUV with her 4-month-old son Sean Preston on her lap instead of strapped into a rear car seat as required by law.

Wow… how does this girl not have an adequately capable publicist? Someone to tell her to put a pair of fucking shoes on, shave her idiot of a husband, and I dunno… present herself as anything other than a white trash whore with a mind equivalent to that of a junior high special ed student. Seriously, you’re under scrutiny for every single fucking thing that you do. That’s your life. That’s why you’re filthy rich, it’s a choice you made. Now you’re complaining about not getting record deals and a decline in popularity while you smoke cheap cigarettes and parade around like the queen of the trailer park. Doesn’t exactly fit, does it?

And speaking of fit, get off your husband’s popozao and get on a fucking treadmill.

I should be a publicist. I’d be the meanest, surliest, non-placative career guide you’ve ever seen, and every single one of my girls would be at the top of her game, constantly. She would also have intimate knowledge of my popozao, but that’s just part of my consulting fee.

Sim McDonalds (did PETA make this?)

It’s fun. I don’t think it had the intended effect, because I really feel like a Quarter Pounder right now, and I fucking loathe Mc’Ds burgers.

So did you all hear that Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox got engaged? Man alive, the Mohr-Cox wedding. Jay Leno’s monologue writers took an extra half hour break today thanks to this one.

I wonder how Bobcat is taking it?

OOooohhhh mercy. Why oh why did Rachel McAdams have to run away from this photo shoot:

That would have been a trifecta of hotitude. I think my retinas would be permanently scarred, like if you stare directly into the sun, or watch more than one Baz Luhrmann flick in a row. It’d be worth it though.

Britney Got Federlined Again.

Britney Spears has apparently announced that she is pregnant with her second child.

Shoppers in Malibu were stunned when the former pop princess grabbed her belly and announced to the entire centre “That’s right, number two!”.

There just isn’t enough room in this world for the seed of Kevin Federline, whether it be conceived musically, paternally, or fashion…ally. Maybe we should pack his bags, send him in a rocket to space, and then we can get a huge fucking nuke and blow up space.

When was the last time space did anything worthwhile for you, huh? This is it’s chance to shine for us, one last time.

Basic Instinct 2 Trailer (NSFW)

Wow… Sharon Stone gets all kinds of naked in that video. At least they know how to properly market a shitty sequel to a movie that… really didn’t need one.

As long as this doesn’t convince Madonna to do a followup to Body of Evidence, I’ll allow it.