Author: Sharkey

Wow… didn’t think I’d ever say that again. But here we are, celebrating the tiny shreds of fame that Shannon Doherty can muster these days.

How did she wind up in the public eye again, you might ask? There are really only three methods to re-aiming that public spotlight upon a fading star, and they are as follows:

1. Marry someone far more famous.
2. Kill, nearly kill, or maim someone.
3. Two words: sex tape.

In this instance, Shannon decided to opt for choice number 2 by nearly killing some poor sap on PCH. Too bad she didn’t go with #3, she’s pretty much past the expiration date for such publicity stunts. Oh well, there’s always the day four years from now when Jessica Biel needs a fix and a bit of attention.

I just got out of the bathroom, and had to share something with all of you.

You know fellas, when you’re taking a good leak, and you get those bubbles? The bubbles that signify a good hard stream, kind of like the frosty head on a mug of brew, you get my drift? Well in the midst of this sea of bubbles topping an ocean of pee, I noticed that I’d cut a pattern straight through the foam.

That’s right, I pissed a perfect Apple logo.

I’m scared. Hold me.

[ Kid Rock/Scott Stapp Sex Tape ]

Not what you think, but then again it is… but then again it isn’t.

Either way, this is the exact opposite of anything that anyone should ever want to see… fucking ever.

“Knight” Proposes to Girlfriend

…

must be pretty hard to see through that helmet.

Holy Terror, Batman!

Not a fucking joke.

Miller proudly announced the title of his next Batman book, which he will write, draw and ink. Holy Terror, Batman! is no joke. And Miller doesn’t hold back on the true purpose of the book, calling it “a piece of propoganda,” where ‘Batman kicks al Qaeda’s ass.”

The reason for this work, Miller said, was “an explosion from my gut reaction of what’s happening now.” He can’t stand entertainers who lack the moxie of their ’40s counterparts who stood up to Hitler. Holy Terror is “a reminder to people who seem to have forgotten who we’re up against.”

It’s been a long time since heroes were used in comics as pure propaganda. As Miller reminded, “Superman punched out Hitler. So did Captain America. That’s one of the things they’re there for.”

You know… as stupid of a fucking idea as this is… the man has a point. Considering the fact that most comic books have been outlandishly ridiculous as of late, he may as well take them back to their more embarrasing roots. Go ahead Frank, it’s not like you’ve done anything worth noting recently anyway…

Oh, and I feel really, really bad about the GIF I’ve attached to this post.

Shed a tear for your old friend Bolt, because that poor bastard has slipped over the hill and is now careening towards his inevitable death. 30 friend, it’s the first day of the end of your existence. I mourn you.

That Basic Instinct 2 trailer from last week was unnervingly fappable. It’s like you can hear the individual grains of sand hitting the bottom of that hourglass. Time to enjoy Sharon Stone while she’s still a MILF, which won’t be much longer.

I get to go up to USC today to give a little seminar/training thing to a bunch of people who barely speak English. Ooooh baby, this is going to be fun, especially when I slip up and say “use your mouse to point and crick here.”

Go, watch the trailer for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby right this minute. I’ll wait.

…

Done? Alright. Now let’s all suffer together as we wait for this glorious-looking film to grace our presence.

The Adventures Of Atari

Watch Atari fight the evil forces of Ninja-Endo as they pave the way for the future of gaming in 1989. Oh if only the brave Atari and his flowing mane of golden locks had been stronger, perhaps we’d have 3D conversions of his company’s games rather than Mario titles. You know, modern-day updates of Pac-Man, Frogger, Pitfall and the like…

Yeah, even so, it’s a shame the faggot (which meant something different to me in ’89) couldn’t hold his own. Felled by the nefarious villain Bankruptcy and his band of evil litigators.

Ooh, sweet update from NHDJ1.

There’s an internet-only trailer for Nacho Libre online, which is directed by Jared Hess (Napoleon Dynamite). This looks pretty awesome, hopefully Hess does an excellent job with Black’s comedic genius.