Sharkey, Author at BAMF - Page 6 of 145

I have to warn you, I’m going to review The Dark Knight and I’m undoubtedly going to discuss plot elements that you won’t want to know prior to seeing the flick. So unless spoilers are your sort of thing, perhaps this one paragraph breakdown will suffice.

*Ahem*

It’s good. It’s damn good. It’s damn good like Iron Man was damn good, except that John Favreau had the luck of releasing his baby prior to this film’s release. Not that Dark Knight is better overall, it’s just that… alright, it probably is better overall, but I’ll have to watch both again before I make that sort of statement. What I can say is that Dark Knight isn’t just a great comic book movie, it’s a great movie. Rather than spending his time focusing on the main character (Bats) and giving us the story primarily from his perspective, Nolan gave an incredible amount of celluloid to the other characters as well. And for once, that wasn’t a bad thing. Especially since, though he is excellent at playing both an emotionless facade and a cocky rich asshole, Christian Bale was the least of the main performances. That’s not to say that it’s bad, it’s just that we already spent an entire movie on his issues before; all we need now is to see him being a rich prick by day, then stuff him into some spandex and chuck him off a building right after sundown. Besides, with the excellent performances by Heath Ledger and Aaron Eckheart, Bale was probably better off sitting this one out.

If you’re interested in reading my spoilery thoughts on the flick, stick around. Just be patient for a bit. I’m not a Goddamned machine, to just turn on and crank out editorial content. I need a soda to press on, you fucking slavedriver.

Yeah, I know. Exciting, right? I meant to get this set up the other day, but I was too busy touching myself with glee that we finally get a chance to see China Chow’s….chowbags. Apparently last weekend the paparazzi caught Keanu Reeves out on a beach with a strikingly choice Asian female of unknown origin. I didn’t pay much attention to the thumbnails at first, because frankly who gives a shit about what Keanu Reeves is whoa-ing these days. You can imagine my self-loathing when I realized that it was China, my #1 Asian crush and the daughter of L.A. restaurateur Mr. Chow.

I do believe that this signals the return of my nudity clairvoyance, as I quoted The Big Hit way more times than usual last weekend and was disappointed to be met with blank stares of ignorance at each iteration. I think this was the Universe balancing things out for me. For all of us, really. Next weekend I’m going to pick out some obscure Jessica Biel movies to quote, just to test out this theory, though I don’t think anyone will be pleased to hear me quoting Stealth.

…nor will I be pleased to admit that I watched Stealth.

[ Sharkey ] "So I'm going to Worlds of Fun place tomorrow, you ever been there?" [ Aaron ] "Aw shit man, fuck that Worlds of Fun. Hate that fuckin' place man." [ Sharkey ] "....uh... OK. Strong reaction to a theme park, but I'm sure you have your reasons." [ Aaron ] "Well, I guess I should say fuck Oceans of Fun. Worlds of Fun's ar'right." [ Sharkey ] "OK, I'm with you, what's your deal with Oceans of Fun?" [ Aaron ] "Fuckin' bitch broke mah heart that fuckin' whore, she works there dude." [ Sharkey ] "Ah." [ Aaron ] "Actually....I take it back. She ain't a bitch, she's just 16, man." [ Sharkey ] *sigh* "Oookay... you uh... slept with the 16-year-old, didn't you?" [ Aaron ] "Heh, yeah. But it ain't so bad as yah think, she was 16. I mean, she turns 17 in a month." [ Sharkey ] ".......your honor."

Author: Sharkey

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