Author: Sharkey

And now for ninja related news that doesn’t completely blow, here’s the new TMNT flick trailer.

Before you get all uppitty about the animated style of the flick, just try remembering what happened last time they made a live-action Turtles flick. And weep.

So far they haven’t officially cast anyone outside of the voice of Casey Jones, so don’t hold your breath for a Corey Feldman comeback. I certainly won’t, he’s broken my heart so many times, I just can’t imagine trusting him with it again.

If you haven’t heard of Will Eisner… well, you’re probably not a comic book fan. But if you had, then you know that the man was a sagelike father figure to the entire industry. And one of his long standing works, The Spirit, is finally going to be made into a feature-length flick. And it looks like Frank Miller (Sin City, 300) has been tapped to direct, making it his first unassisted job at the helm.

The Spirit, which debuted in 1940, tells the story of a masked detective who is believed to be dead. Using a mausoleum as his home base, Eisner’s character fights crime in the dark shadows of Central City, using cunning and ingenious forms of punishment.

“I intend to be extremely faithful to the heart and soul of the material, but it won’t be nostalgic. It will be much scarier than people expect,” said Miller.

Miller said he’s putting together a treatment that consists in large part of panels from the “Spirit” strip. Shooting is expected to start in late spring.

Now before you go getting all a-tingly in your nether regions, let me point out to you that Frank Miller’s record is not as gleaming as some of you might think. Sure, when it comes to comic books, the guy is a freaking genius. But did you also know that this literary visionary also penned the screenplay for not only the less-than-satisfactory Robocop 2, but the wholly unacceptable Robocop 3? That’s right, this guy may have created Elektra and introduced the world to Ronin, but he also killed off Lewis and made Robocop fight those ridiculous ninja robots. So, as we should have done when George Lucas resurfaced in the late 90’s, don’t get your little fanboy hopes up. That’s a surefire way to get disappointed.

“My friends call me Murphy. You call me… Robocop.”

Expanding upon the Portal linkage from yesterday, here’s the trailer for Team Fortress 2. I’m quite pleased…

Bongweasel has requested that I mock anybody here who does not appreciate the art style of this game, and dammit I’m going to fulfill that request. Any of you crybabies who are upset at this wholly appropriate and downright genius changes to the art style can go eat a dick. The kind of cookie-cutter shit that you seem to appreciate usually goes completely unnoticed by me, and considering the fact that rarely does a game actually succeed without me giving a shit about it, that makes you a complete waste of carbon. It’s the truth, ask any game developer. Somehow, like my ability to solve Wheel of Fortune puzzles without any letters being turned over coupled with my inability to keep my shoes tied, I am the idiot savant of the gaming industry. My reliance on these off-kilter gut instincts have led to numerous Scrabble victories, not being killed in a wheat thresher, and having sex with… well, women in general. You whining bitches, however, more than likely complain when a female starlet gets an ass wrinkle, or cry to the heavens when your favorite sports team loses asking “Why have you done this to me, oh Lord?!?” You must realize that these things have nothing to do with you, because you are the steaming pile of horse shit in the gastric ballet that is life. You have no room to complain, because quite frankly, nobody asked for your retarded fucking opinion.

I’m pretty rad though. I dunno if you picked up on that general theme in this post but… yeah. Rad. All those who support this theory should buy Team Fortress 2.

*This message brought to you by Valve Software. Keep gaming, bitches.

Holy shit. Watch this demo video for Valve’s “Portal.” (courtesy of Bongweasel)

I hope that the game has more to it than just the portal system, but damn… it’s awesome nonetheless.

Bongy informs me that this is actually just a small game that’s going to be included with Half Life 2: Episode 2, and also Half Life 2 (w/Episodes 1 & 2) for the Xbox 360 and PS3. Team Fotress 2 will also be included, effectively ending any free time you or I will have around the time of its release.

There are new pics of Summer Altice up over at SOTD. Her ass flabbergasts me. I can’t think of another word that accurately describes my feelings towards her caboose, all that really springs to mind is a series of lewd gestures that would get me thrown out of most respectable establishments.

I have to go hump some sort of inanimate object for a bit, you understand.

You’ve got to appreciate the excellence that is a well-timed nipple slip. Say what you will about the intrusiveness of the paparazzi, those fuckers have catching nipple slips down to a science. Speaking of which, there’s a nice one of Mischa Barton up right now. Not perfect, but it kind of helps when you consider what an uppitty bitch she is.

No well bred British chick would ever model her linguistic skills after Paris Hilton. Paris can’t even suck a dick properly. Why would you trust what comes out of her mouth if she doesn’t know what to do with whatever you put into it?

The bright side is, Chappelle’s Show will never have the chance to jump the shark.

Watch the first 25 minutes of A Scanner Darkly.

Bongweasel saw it, says it’s pretty excellent. The book is fantastic, and this excerpt gives me high hopes for Linklater’s vision of the flick.

Glad to know that I’m not the only one who finds these commercials annoying. Shame really, since Justin Long is a pretty funny guy. I hate to associate him with such a douchebag image.