Author: Sharkey

Put your snacktrays in their full and upright positions, because Hooters Air is taking off. Chicken Wings or fish for dinner, sir? HA! It’s a veritable cornucopia of bad puns!

In a throwback to an era when airlines sought to titillate as well as transport their male clientele, Hooters Air joined the growing ranks of low-cost U.S. airlines on Thursday with the start of scheduled service between Atlanta and the resort town of Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Its approach is decidedly less stuffy than the no-frills image of, say, JetBlue Airways Corp., the New York-based low-cost airline.

Hooters Air, whose owner Robert Brooks also is chairman of the Hooters of America restaurant chain famous for its spicy chicken wings and scantily clad waitresses, believes that droves of mostly male golfers and sportsmen will pay good money to rub shoulders with its beauties at 30,000 feet.

Let’s put aside the obvious flurry of bad jokes that need to be made at their expense and check out the official Hooters Air website for a peek at the “advantages” of flying with them.

1. Extra Leg Room! — I think they mean “third leg room”.
2. Easy to Buy! Easy to Fly! — Because at Hooters, everything is easy.
3. A great experience that enlivens the senses and puts the Fun back in flying! — By “fun”, they mean “funbags”

Alright alright, I think we’re heading into the double digits for bad puns here, so I’m going to leave the rest up to you. Let that creativity soar kids, because God knows you’re not going to be doing actual work at 2:30 on a Friday afternoon.

Ask and ye shall receive. Some of you might disagree with having her as a slice, but dammit, there’s just something about Saturday Night Live’s Tina Fey that makes my pants tight. In a smart-yet-oddly-cute kinda way.

You know she’s one of the head writers for SNL? Smart, probably fairly wealthy, funny, and pretty damned cute. Too bad she’s taken, some of our older MoFos could have used a wealthy fantasy. Maybe one of you could be her pool boy.

At first you think, “Ha, dumbass got what she deserved.” Instead, the dumb asshole who kept her around got what he deserved for letting the dumb bitch touch the phone. Let your guard down around the Devil and you get a fork in the ass, Cochise.

PALM SPRINGS, California (AP) — Police found more than 75 marijuana plants inside a house after a woman who lived there mistakenly called 911 instead of 411.

A man, who was not immediately identified, gave police a prescription for medical marijuana. However, the quantity of plants made police suspicious, so they began investigating the authenticity of the prescription, Rose said. The man was arrested for investigation of cultivation and possession of marijuana for sale.

The woman who misdialed was not arrested.

Woman wasn’t arrested. Of course, not, because stupidity is not a crime. …yet. But offshoots of stupidity, such as keeping nearly $100,000 worth of pot cultivating in your living room, is punishable by law. I say we call a spade a spade. That fella is probably going to spend some time in minimum security, then go into a drug treatment program, right? Why doesn’t the idiot who was probably too stoned to know the difference between a touchtone “4” and “9” have to go into a devoid-of-common-sense treatment center? It’d be like Betty Ford, but for ignorant clods. You get a few classes, some oven mitts duct taped to your hands so you can’t hurt yourself or others, and after a few months of rehabilitation you can try taking the mitts off and rejoining the rest of civilization. Just like regular rehab though, you can’t have relationships for at least a year. Don’t want you fuck-ups littering the Earth with your insipid offspring. Not that you could after leaving our center, you’ll have to get your monthly regiment of Malthion X to keep us all safe.

Really, if I were in charge you’d be a lot better off. Well really, I’d be better off, but you’d be OK too.

I had a request for more Leah Remini, so I dug it up and slapped it on the grill and set the bastard to simmer. I know that made no sense, but uh… look, titties! *runs*

I only know her from Saved By The Bell, but she’s also on that show King Of Queens, which is about a fat dumbass who somehow lands an incredibly hot wife without being rich or interesting. And the moose-cock aspect couldn’t factor in, because it would be eclipsed by his King Of Bellies. Based upon this evidence, I find the show unrealistic and therefore not worth my time.

…yes, I’m jealous. Even of a TV wife. Don’t judge me, fucker.

Something tells me that this isn’t exactly their target audience, but it’s a funny ad nonetheless. Doesn’t hurt that the chick is smokin’ hot to boot. Although since it is a European ad, you can only imagine what’s going on inside her mouth.

Was that a euphamism? I said it, and even I’m uncertain.

Oh that wacky Jack Valenti. What will he think of next?

MPAA chief Jack Valenti has unveiled a public service film that the industry hopes to show in movie theaters to discourage online piracy. Speaking to the annual ShoWest industry Valenti said that the MPAA plans to produce international versions of the film that will feature stars from the countries where it is shown. “If it works, we hope it can make a modest impress on the consciousness of people who don’t want to steal,” he said. “Even though in the digital world, it is so easy to do so. We have a massive task ahead of us.”

For those of you who do not wish to pay the hefty $9.00 fee to see this anti-piracy film, it will be available for download on Kazaa about three days after it is released.

S’ank you. I’ll be here all ze veek.

Maybe if we watch long enough, we can catch Mers or Bis attempting to nab more boobie shots, or chicks holding the ol’ Fuk Chachi sign.

[ BourboCam ] :: [ Bourbon Street Live Cam ] :: [ Fat Harry’s Cam ]

That last one is sort of boring, unless you find watching drunks hail taxi’s interesting. The first two have definite boobie potential, so please watch responsibly. Of course, I could have said damn near anything at the end of that sentence, since at the first mention of titties, I’m certain that all literate readers immediately clicked the Hell out of here. That basically means that I’m typing to a strict audience of illiterates, non-English speakers, gay guys, and women with no homosexual tendencies. Since I’ve got you here, I’d just like to say that I’ve been practicing my golf swing, and it’s really been coming along. I think I’ll hit the links tomorrow and smoke a nice cigar to celebrate. I only say this to you poor bastards because the straight titty loving males and the bi-curious chicks are my bread and butter, and probably don’t give a shit about my swing. But since you’re still here and reading this drivel after I so pointedly objectified women and their bosoms, I figure you’ll stick around for damn near anything. God bless you.

I tried watching her on TV the other day, but I’ve got to admit that it was so mind-numbing, I had to mute the TV, once my brain remembered how to operate my thumbs. After that, I began to appreciate the aesthetic values of Kelly Ripa, but then that ass Regis Philbin came on and my wang reached up, slapped me in the face and changed the channel for me. True story. So I decided that Ms. Ripa needed her own slice gallery. If you’ve got any additions to make, I’d appreciate it. Now enjoy the Regis-less wang enhancing images.

Yeah, even muted you can tell that she’s annoying. But that’s all the more reason to make like my wang and slap her in the face… with your wang. …It’s late.

[ Major 9/11 Planning Suspect Arrested With Two Cohorts ]

And according to the FBI files, it was on one of his two “used birthdays.” Happy birthday asshat, we’re sending you an orange jumpsuit and some cigarettes you can use to purchase some quality time with your anal virginity for a few more days. You’ll miss it when it’s gone.

Actually, what do we do with these poor fellas? Would they go to camp X-ray, if there even is still a camp X-ray? I’ve been sort of neglecting this whole end of the debacle, so pardon my (and the rest of the US, for the most part) ignorance on this occasion.

Hoo boy, fun stuff to tell you about today. But for now I’ve gotta get the Hell outta here and acquire some Krispy Kremes, know what I’m sayin’? In the meantime, you go ahead and get better acquainted with Zooey Deschanel.

Zooey was most memorable in flicks like Almost Famous and Mumford, but you don’t care about that. You care about boobies. So why are you still reading this?