If just one more person starts talking about The Da Vinci Code, I’m taking a fucking baseball bat to some motherfucker’s kneecaps. Hard. Okay, that’s all for now.
stereotypical tipping rant
by perrytheass on July 31, 2003 @ 11:01 pm
I was eating at this Mongolian BBQ restaurant the other day with some friends of mine. I got into a little argument with them about tipping. Before I even start…let me just get it out of the way that Mongolian BBQ…is like a buffet with meats, vegetables, noodles, and sauces that the customer utilizes to make his own plate of food. You get it all cold, and the cooks cook it in front of you on a giant 1200 degree table-like thing. Anyways…needless to say, the food is awesome, but I looked at the menu to discover that a lunch buffet is $6.00 while a “dinner”(it was like 5:30 in the afternoon) buffet is $13.50. “How could there be this much of a price increase!?” I thought to myself. “Surely the food doesn’t become that of a higher calibur after 4 pm!” I thought. Well, it doesn’t, but all four of us ended up paying $13.50 anyways since the food is fucking great. Fast forward to an hour later, when we get the bill (its $67); My friends want to leave a 15% tip(which would make the total about $77). To me, leaving this waiter a ten dollar tip seems fucking ridiculous. Why the fuck should we give someone 10 extra dollars for doing nothing? I mean, sure, he brought out our drinks and some rice…but other than that, he did absolutely nothing that would merit a tip of more than 4 bucks. All my friends were calling me a cheapskate but I was like “look, if you guys wanna give this motherfucker 10 dollars for bringing you a dr. pepper, feel free. Here’s my one dollar.” Was I wrong to do this? I mean…what the fuck did he do? People at Steak ‘n’ Shake carry more shit to the table than this guy did, and yet, we feel generous giving those poor bastards anything more than 3 bucks. Just cuz the food that we got up and put together ourselves was expensive doesn’t mean that this cornhole should get 10 dollars of our money, in my opinion. Now, if i was tipping the cooks, then maybe I wouldn’t have argued about it. They do work. But this waiter didn’t do a god damned thing. I feel like I did the right thing, but I could be an asshole, I don’t know.
Movie Review: Bruce Almighty
by perrytheass on May 29, 2003 @ 11:46 pm
Well, I saw this movie mainly because I needed to do a review of it for Hungarian television (don’t ask), and I guess it was mediocre. I work at the movie theatre, so I got in for free, thus, “no sweat off my sack if it sucks,” I thought. So the little lady and my best friend Joe and I slip past the podium usher, and go into a very hot, very smelly theatre. Apparently some little dumbshits had broken a stinkbomb in there at the previous show, so the stupid ushers decide it would smell a lot better if they drenched the place in “Odor Destroyer” (that shit they use to cover up the smell of barf at amusement parks, etc.).
Anyways, the main premise of the movie is that Bruce Noland (Carrey) is a wacky special features reporter on the news, adding stories such as “Buffalo’s Biggest Cookie” to his repitoire at the news station. He is very unlucky: He is late to work, his dog pisses on his furniture, he doesn’t get the anchor job he wanted, he gets his ass kicked by Mexicans, etc. He blames god (Freeman) for all of this, despite the fact that god has blessed him with a hot ass, live-in girlfriend with big tits, named Grace (Aniston). Bruce is confronted by god because Bruce uses him as a scapegoat so often. God dares Bruce to do a better job with the powers of the Almighty while he is “away on vacation” (wtf?). The film is mainly Bruce using his powers to look up girls skirts, kick the crap out of Mexicans, make Jennifer Aniston orgasm, and so on. Finally, after being power hungry, and so selfish and blind that Grace leaves him, Bruce decides to start helping people, and finally makes his peace with god. Then at the end there’s a bunch of mushy crap to which I didn’t pay too much attention, on account of I had an ultra painful, vomit-inducing migraine.
The Good
I suppose I’ve always liked the average Jim Carrey movie, so I didn’t really have too many problems with it. It was just Carrey being an ass, which for me is usually pretty funny. Oh shit, I forgot to mention one of the best parts: Steve Correl is in it, and he’s fucking hilarious. It’s all in all funny movie. Also, Jennifer Aniston.
The Bad
Morgan Freeman is again typecast as the wise, experienced old guy. I’m starting to really hate this, a lot. I mean, no doubt, he plays the part well, but does he have to be the same fucking guy in every movie he’s in? Expand your horizons Morgan, you’re a good actor. Use that. Also, the ending, as previously noted, is mushy and serious, and it seems to be the general concensus of all the reviews of the movie I have read thus far that this is a bad thing (mainly because it is inconsistent).
The Lowdown
Go see this movie: If you don’t hate Jim Carrey, if you liked Liar Liar, if $6.50 isn’t going to make or break you.
Don’t see this movie: If it’s your last $6.50. Go put it in a strippers G-String, you’re not going to miss too much.
Also, I would just like to add…although I’ve talked about Jennifer Aniston a lot in this article, the co-anchor of Bruce’s news show in the movie is like 10 times hotter. And, it’s good to be back. How have you all been?