Author: Jacko

We finally put an Indian and a Mexican into space, and what do we do? We put them to work doing construction, which apparently is the only thing they are good at aside from selling drugs and the short order grill.

Astronauts used cranes to attach another expensive piece of latticework to the international space station Tuesday, and then a team of spacewalkers went out and wired it up. Herrington — the first American Indian in space — and his spacewalking partner, Michael Lopez-Alegria, installed clamps, removed locks and connected electrical cables between the new segment and the rest of the space station. [story]

And, in standard minority fashion, the two engaged in some friendly racist bantering when the Mexican accused the Indian of being a lazy no good bag of drunken shit:

The spacewalkers teased each other as they worked 250 miles up. Lopez-Alegria wanted to take a picture of Herrington and told him, “Why don’t you do some work so your family won’t think you’re goofing off up here on vacation?”

NASA has plans to send a white supervisor into space later this week to make sure “the darkies didn’t fuck anything up.”

Los Angeles police Thursday arrested actor Jeffrey Jones, best known for his role as the smarmy principal in the movie “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” on charges of using a minor for sex acts and possession of child pornography, officials said. [Story]

Wow. I believe that we can all agree that this is just a little disturbing. And, I would also like to take a moment and point out that it really doesn’t do much for the anti-stereotype movement for a guy that looks exactly like a disturbed child molester to turn out to be a disturbed child molester. With backing like this, I don’t really know how you could argue.

Teacher: Billy, not all black people want to steal your television. That is called a Stereotype and they are hurtful and untrue.
Billy: Teacher, do you know who Jeffrey Jones is?
Teacher: hmm, you have a point.

More disturbingly however, while conduction my in-depth research for this article (google search on “ferris bueller”), I uncovered something that I was very unprepared for. Now when I searched, I expected a large number of results, the movie is quite possibly still for sale and is listed on many movie information sites. But what I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the horror of the Ferris Bueller’s Residence fan site:

Ferris Bueller’s Residence (Sound is REQUIRED. If you are without, wait until you are with.)

Now, in retrospect, I realize that I should have been prepared to find at least one fan site. But, my friends, you tell me—should I have been prepared to find a fan site with a creepy blue background, a still image of Ferris on the float, with a horrible MIDI of “Twist and Shout” POUNDING MY EARS IN THE BACKGROUND?!!!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW FUCKING CREEPY THAT IS?!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

On the plus side, I think I may have discovered the new g0atse.

Well MoFos, it looks like you might be getting back some of that money you spent on Miss Cleo’s hotline:

The operators of Miss Cleo’s psychic hot line agreed Thursday to cancel $500 million in customer bills to settle federal charges that the service fleeced callers while promising mystical insights into love and money.

Hmm, this post is still missing something (I mean something beside the standard lack of wit).

*digs around in archives*

Ahh, there we go.

So, this whole thing has got me wondering. If they have to give back 500 million, how fooking much did they get in the first place? When I started seeing the Miss Cleo ads all over the place, I concurred that they must be mildly successful, at least enough to keep Miss Cleo fed, but 5 undred mirrion dollas rot uv money. Hell, I ought to start something like that, but it could be the E/N call and whine support hotline. Instead of posting their love problems in the forum, they could call me (or one of my affiliates) at the reasonable price of 2.95/minute plus toll charges or whatever. Hell, I could make 500 million off MysticCobra alone! Just think if JimmyPop ever fell in love, those two would spell retirement for me.

Actually, the article says that they took in 1 billion and collected half of it (500 million). They have been ordered to forgive 500 million, which I am to assume is the half a billion outstanding. Chalk one up for not paying your fucking phone bill.

This also provides me the opportunity to give out the “I am so fucking stupid that I was actually quoted saying that” award, to one Howard Beales, FTC something or other:

“I’m no psychic but I can foresee this: If you make deceptive claims, there is an FTC action in your future,” said Howard Beales, director of the FTC’s consumer protection bureau.

That quote was so ghey I don’t think I can continue this post. I’m late for a meeting anyway.

I registered with ebay a long time ago, but I have yet to make a purchase at the famous online bidding house. Initially I was looking for a good price on a pair of AEGO2s, but either my interest ran out, our more likely, my money, before I ever got that accomplished.

Now it is today, and I have decided to spring for a Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer (yea, I’m a fucking high-roller, yo). I saw one for around $50 in Best Buy or somewhere like it, and thought “ya know, I could probably find one for cheaper on eBay.”

And I did, quite a bit cheaper in fact. With 0d 6h 30m left the bid was at $3.65 (only 2 bids). So, I place a $25 maximum bid, with 7.35 shipping. I am stoked, cause I just might get this thing for a little over 32 bucks. HA! Screw buying it in a store.

30 minutes after I bid, I start thinking, hmm, I wonder if my local hardware shop sells this thing OEM. Every now and again I look at motherboards and ram over there, but l33t HARDWARE TECHNICIANS like me don’t need to buy mouses and shit. Do they?

So, I drop over and I’LL BE DAMNED. $30, but more importantly, I CAN PICK IT UP IN STORE RIGHT NOW! DAMN YOU EBAY and your 0d 5h 11m, I want that fucker now! Do you have any idea what it does to an instant gratification seeking person like me to read 2-4 days to ship? DO YOU!??

So, right now I am currently waiting in eBay Hell(TM), looking at my eBay items page, hitting refresh every 10 minutes hoping someone will outbid me.

C’mon, somebody has got to want this thing more than I do, outbid me man, c’mon…
*hits refresh*
FUCK!

It is a rather odd experience.

Current bid is $23.15. 0d 5h 11m and counting. This eBay thing is really great.

UPDATE!!! Thanks to all of your heartfelt prayers I lost the bidding. dragonboi9 is now the proud owner of one Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer for the ripe price of 26.00 plus shipping. Me, I will continue on with life, further enlightened with the knowledge that I am one impatient bastard. Either way, I will have that damn mouse tomorrow, and that is all that matters.

Lifted straight from the forum (thx Pie4me), work safe.

As Faaq promptly chimed, “Is that a pony?” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Crazy Geek from the Hacker Network has sent us a link to a spankin’ new flash video:

Additionally, so you don’t get the impression that I will post anything you sick people send me in e-mail, I provide the following:

1. I am not creative. As even installing Flash is difficult for me, I am quite amazed when people actually make it work.
2. I am never the first one to see anything. Since this is fairly new, well, here is my chance to be on the CUTTING EDGE OF ENTARTAINMENT!!!111
3. I will post anything you sick people send me in e-mail.
4. It is actually pretty damn good.

In closing, to steal (then bastardize) a quote from the beloved MoFemme Teflon Parakeet, if you have a problem with this, give me a call—I’ll be there to not answer the phone.