Jasek sent me a link to this AIM conversation which had me LMAO, so I decided to share it with the masses here. I hope that it’s at least 6 months old, for obvious reasons.
I looked at the parent site and she has a link up to an interesting dissertation about The Matrix Reloaded. Go read it now, I’m going to reply to each of his points by number.
1. I still can’t believe that anyone can blame a film on whacked out teenagers. When I was a whacked out teenager, I didn’t blame any of my illegalities on anyone or anything.
2. $300,000,000 divided by 1,000 is $1,000,000. I sure as fuck hope he’s not a math PhD. Why doesn’t he ask Billy Gates to cough up money? Those arguments about how money is spent got old decads ago.
3. He’s complaining that Aaliyah got cut from the cast. Alright, brainiac, news flash for you – Aaliyah got cut from the cast because she’s FUCKING DEAD! No really, I bet Warner Brothers tried to prop her corpse up in scenes to keep her in the movie.
4. If he knows how it ends, then that sort of implies he’s already seen it. If he’s already seen it, he’s a hypocrite.
5. Somehow I doubt they will block the release of part 3.
6. Neo is The One which means he can defy the laws of physics. This is an underlying theme of the movies, idiot.
7. If they can bring back Agent Smith, they can bring back Cipher.
8. I used to live in Los Angeles and I know people that live in New York. They’d blend in easily in either location.
9. Of course it popped back into place. When his name was called, he “let go” of the spoon and moved on. The spoon popping back into shape made sense even to me.
10. If the bug didn’t leave a gaping bloody hole going in his stomach, why should it leave a hole going out?
11. It wasn’t squirming or burrowing at that point. The lights on the thing went out, denoting that it had “died.”
12. Well, if it’s the wife’s medication that’s the issue here, then I’m sure that she will get a huge settlement over her husband’s unlawful death. I still cheered.
13. If they were disarmed, then the AGENTS could have possessed bodies and brought their guns with them. If they were deded, then Agents couldn’t come play.
14. See number 14.
15. Whatever.
16. I think he wanted to have a list of 50 things and couldn’t come up with an even 50 so he put random shit in like this.
17. Yeah, but blowing up buildings is cool!
18. I thought Rocky lost the fight in the first film?
19. I hate it when people don’t know a line to a film and then just make up what they thought they heard.
20. WTF does Morgan Freeman have to do with The Matrix?
21. If you stand up in a movie and shout random shit, the audience doesn’t like it much, even if the audience hates it as much as you do. I should know.
22. I’m getting sick of reading the list to think of comments, but I think you get the point by now.
P.S. [email protected] is what I’m using until Sharkey gets the mail server set up again.
UmmmOrion, you realise that this is 100% sarcastic, no?
AOL conversationHAHAHAHA, that was funny as hell!
No – he doesn’t get it.Captain Obvious hasn’t rescued Orion from himself in a long, long time.
ROFLGo look in the forums of the site (link’s at the end of all his \”points\”)… those idiots.Great post, Orion.
The convoThe convo was from http://www.fugly.com It’s done by a guy named Jonny Cheesedog (pretty sure)It was posted in the forums a few months back.
And another thing…Without doing any research what so ever I think that the second actress they cut (#3) was the Oracle. I heard she died, too.
AOLHARRRRR!!!
matrixsat·ire 1. a.) A literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit. b.) The branch of literature constituting such works. See Synonyms at caricature. 2. Irony, sarcasm, or caustic wit used to attack or expose folly, vice, or stupidity.Dipshit.
HmmmPlease tell me that fucker was pulling this shit out his ass and NOT giving me movie spoilers.
Sarcasm detector not working?Go read his LOTR article, it’s funny as hell. Just don’t come back here and post about how ‘wrong’ he is. Cause the internet IQ is already low enough.
Satire, etcIf you have never heard anyone use these arguments and/or have never heard these criticisms about the film(s), then you’re hiding under a bigger rock than I have.If nothing else, refer to the criticisms people gave me on my Matrix posts a few years ago.
fuck!Templar, that s the exact thing I just said. Next time Orion, don’t be a cock and give us a spoiler warning. Jackass.
you might enjoy The OnionScore another one for David Wong
if that dude was tellin the truth…how about we track this dude down and beat his ass for stupidity? if he told me the ending i will fuckin remove his balls from his body and shove them up his penis.
GrumblesShit, just the mindfucking involved with whether or nots its a spoiler pisses me off. Is there any way this asshat could know the ending?
No TitleIs this serious, sarcasm, satire, or farce? WHO THE FUCK CARES. Whatever it is, it’s astronomically stupid, like an autistic fuckwit with Down’s syndrome, and that, and only that, is what makes it amusing. Laugh at it and forget it. See the movie and forget it. Read this and forget it.
Jumpin JehosephatYes, Gloria Foster (the other minority \”cut\” from the film), is dead as well. By saying \”neither actress could be reached for comment,\” it oughtta be pretty obvious that the list was pretty goddamned tongue in cheek.
Egg on Orion’s face, holy…Man, I almost took it seriously until I read \”Neither actress was available for comment.\” That gave it away. And the whole \”pipe\” comment.However, the following is comedy gold:\”The cybernetic army that took over the Earth, says the film, was solar powered. The human resistance responded by blotting out the sky. A desperate measure, but surely the only choice they had. It was that, or, I don’t know, POSTPONE THEIR COUNTERATTACK UNTIL EVENING.\”Woo-hoo!
JeeeezusIt was a piss take guys!!! There where no spoilers, it was a piss take…. not a very funny one, but a piss take all the same.
orion’s mom has a peg-legthis must be one of your most ridiculous posts yet, orion. as has been pointed out, the entore matrix critique was a joke. you are such a hump!when are they going to revoke your posting priveliges, goddamnit!?! HRRRRR!