Apparently He Doesn’t Governate The Pussy

This is a sad fucking story, especially when it involves a fella that I voted for. Seems that Arnold Schwarzenegger was denied the sexin’s from his wife, Maria Shriver, after he publicly backed George W. Bush at the RNC in August. I’m surprised with her familial ties, that she didn’t drink herself into a stupor and drive into a ditch. That’d show that Austrian cocksucker!

Note that I picked on Teddy, as opposed to John, Bobby, or the other John. Jesus, how many easy (or grotesquely morbid) jokes can one family have?

“Well, there was no sex for 14 days,” Schwarzenegger told former White House Chief of Staff Leon Panetta in an on-stage conversation in front of 1,000 people. “Everything comes with side effects.”

The crowd roared with laughter, but the governor may have been serious: he has said little in public to back fellow Republican Bush since then. Panetta, a Democrat, had asked him how Shriver, whose uncle was U.S. President John F. Kennedy, had reacted to his praised but partisan prime-time convention speech.

“I don’t know why I watched the presidential debates,” he said. “If I want to watch a smart liberal Democrat and a Republican leader argue, all we have to do is go out to dinner. They were lucky. They only had to do it three times.”

You know, a lot of people will cast doubt on the governor accurately remembering the exact amount of days that his wife withheld sexual satisfaction, but I can stomp those out in a heartbeat. If you’ve kept up on your required reading, you would already know why “entangled” men can reproduce such numbers with astounding precision. When constantly bombarded by a source of estrogen-based bullshit, a man’s head will collect a certain amount of this logic-nullifying agent of evil. And the only release for the poor bastard, is through some sort of sexual satisfaction. The endorphines released during sex act as an estrogen arsenic, destroying it before any real damage can be done.

Here, we will take a look at the control subject Arnold, during a period of both normal sexual activity, and normal female hormone-borne idiocy:

Peachy. Everything is flowing just fine through our man here. Now let’s leave the bullshit meter up top, and take sex out of the equation:

Catastrophic results, as you can see. If your eyes were bugging out of your skull, and you wanted to peel your own face off with a rusty Gilette Mach 3 Turbo, you’d count the days until sweet release as well. Especially with what is undoubtedly one incredibly screeching source of female yammering such as Maria.

Normally, I would take this opportunity to salute you and your fortitude Arnie, you poor emigrated son of a bitch. Except for that these rules do not apply to you, as I’m certain that if Maria doesn’t put out, you’re slippin’ the T-101 to an intern or twelve. So don’t bother looking for empathy from your fellow men, because we hate you. Hate and envy the living shit out of you.