So today I finally gave in to a bit of nagging, and went to go see an old friend. She and I have known each other since junior high, which makes her one of the oldest friends I’ve got. I’ve tried to keep our contact to a minimum recently, since things got a tad “out of hand” in regards to our relationship a few years ago. During those years she went and got herself pregnant by some guy who has, of course, ditched out on her. Seems like a common case these days.
For an afternoon I got a taste of what life with a newborn is like. I say a taste, because I know she has to put up with a lot more than I did in a few hour timespan. We chatted, we reminisced, all the usual bullshit. All the while I had the pleasure of helping take care of this two-month old baby. And as I sat there at dinner, looking at this squirming, smiling little infant, I was reminded of that moment in Grosse Pointe Blank, when John Cusack is staring at the baby, you know? That moment where he looked past himself and saw meaning to life. Then I thought just how easily I could have had this kid. I thought about how easily life could have changed three years ago. I thought about how badly my most recent ex wanted marriage and children, with me, and how I rejected that. As I stared into the eyes of this little baby, all of these things roamed through my head. And as I placed the baby into its little travel seat, I smiled and wiped a remnant of drool off of her little face, then looked up to the sky and thought:
“THANK YOU GOD! OH MERCIFUL HEAVENS, THANK YOU GOD! THANK YOU FOR NOT LETTING ME FLUSH MY LIFE STRAIGHT DOWN THE TOILET BY SPREADING MY SEED AROUND LIKE A MORON! THANK YOU FOR SPARING ME FROM A LIFE OF SCRAPING AROUND CATERING TO A LITTLE BAG OF FLESH THAT ONLY SEEMS TO BE BUILT FOR CRAPPING AND CRYING! MIGHT I SAY IT ONE MORE TIME, GLORIOUS CREATOR, THANK YOU!”
…what? You thought I was having a Cusack moment? Please baby, I’m a dick! A very-relieved-not-to-be-a-father dick!
*thinks for a minute*
…
*knocks on wood*
lolI got worried about you for a minute there.
hehI just like fucking with your minds sometimes.
dam I feel better nowThanks for the reminder Sharkey, how soon we forget how hellish life coulda been.
One wordAmen.
asdfsadfasdfheh, what’s funny is I had thought of that scene before you mentioned it… wait, that’s not funny.
Not really ditched.During those years she went and got herself pregnant by some guy who has, of course, ditched out on her.You live in Cali. It’s not really \”ditching out\” on the ordeal. I’d sure hate to be the guy, knowing that at a whim she could do the guy in with a child support court order. Or spend some time in pound me in the ass prison.
To the punchDamar beat me to it, but it can’t be said enough.AMEN Brother!
…Fuck. You scared me there for a minute.Bastard.
They’re not so bad…… once they can shit and eat on their own. Then it’s just minor maintenance like watering them and turning them towards the sun every now and then.Kids ain’t so rough. As long as they know who’s the boss…. and it ain’t fucking Danza.
LOL…..So your saying your without Female?