BAMFs Grammy Coverage: Tastes Like Corn!

Well, as I was attempting to get some work done last night, my girlfriend tragically flipped on the 45th Annual Grammy Awards. I went on for twenty minutes, not knowing exactly why the sounds that I was hearing had simultaneously given me a taste of vomit in my mouth and a feeling of impending doom in my bowels. Could’ve been the undercooked chicken I had for dinner too, but I think Dustin Hoffman’s little speech had more to do with my body’s wish to expel fluids from any possible orifice than salmonella ever could.

Oh my God, my ears are bleeding! Who's playing this awful garbag... oh.First off, let’s start with Bruce Springsteen. When the Hell did The Boss start to The Suck? Everyone gave him a standing ovation for a performance that made me want to tear off my own ears and send them back to the factory for a good cleaning. His backup singers looked just as goofy as he did while singing, and sounded twice as bad. I would like to believe that the audience was clapping because the music had finally ended, and their ears could breathe a sigh of relief. But that can’t be the case, as these poor bastards were at the Grammy’s, the pain had just begun.

Next up we’ve got Erykah Badu, who would probably call me a racist cracker for even mocking her presentation. Well if being a racist cracker means mocking you for fucking up reading a teleprompter, then racist cracker suits me just fine, lil’ missy. “Wait for applause”, holy shit do we have trouble in our educational system.

Then you’ve got those Dixie Chicks playing their cover of Smashing Pumpkin’s cover of Fleetwood Mac’s Landslide. I gotta admit, those girls have got something. And what they have, is over-fucking-exposure. I don’t ever listen to country, unless tied down and forced. But I swear, I’ve heard that lackluster cover more times than I’ve heard Stairway and the Friends theme song combined.

I'd like to accept this award and thank my brother...wait a second... is this a Grammy? Fuck, get this trash away from me!Lastly, I’d like to sum up by saying that after watching a mere ten minutes, I’d had enough to write an entire few paragraphs of sheer hatred. Then I spent four minutes watching a post-show wrapup while waiting for the weather, and thanked God that I didn’t watch any more. Who the Hell are these people, and why haven’t I heard of them? The newscasters were bickering over who should have won awards, and the nominees were no more recognizable to me than victory would be to the French. Either I’ve lost track of what good music is, or music has become so shitty in general that there’s no point in even paying attention. They may as well have given a Grammy to Clint Howard, at least I like Clint Howard.

By the way, I do not know why everyone cares about this Norah Jones chick, and I certainly don’t give a shit who her father is, but I can tell you this: she’ll make a fine addition to Slice Of The Day. Send the boobies to me children, my eyes must be cleansed of their Grammy-riddled nightmares.

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Categorized as News

By Sharkey

I run bamf.

12 comments

  1. indian pieAlthough I highly enjoy her music, she’s not that good looking. Her album art is too airbrushed and when I saw her in person, I didn’t recognize her.

  2. Sharkey …Being a college student, this is a stereotype coming out of my mouth, but music really does suck now. The people who pay for millions of albums are fucking 12 year olds who have mommy and daddy buy the albums and the same mommy and daddy buying country to think they’re cool again. Everyone with taste only buys a few albums, then stops when a band starts to suck. Fuck I hate society sometimes.

  3. College responsei dunno, i think the steryotipical college student answer would be \”Dave Mathews band and Bob Marley are the only things worth listening to.\”

  4. heyI’m a typical college student ad i think the only thing worth listening to is rock. metal, punk, classic, whatever, just not any of that christian or soft rock shit.

  5. Ravi Shankar is her dad…Something of notice, hes like 82 and shes 23 that means he was like 61 when he banged her mom. First, hes a fucking troll, but I’ll give the squirlly sitar player props for getting some young tail and pumping out a decent looking kid.Of special note how the fuck can you get a more lame ass tribute to the clash then to have some panty waste like \”da bozz\” cover London Calling. At least Dave Grohl knows how to play a fucking gitar. Oh yeah, Elvis Costello is still overrated.

  6. Da Bozz and Joe Strummeri had the same conversation with my friend at work. He couldnt see the connection between Strummer and Springsteen. I came up with two reasons.One; He made a really popular, if slightly overrated album and it sold like a motherfucker.Two and perhaps the one that counts; Strummer and Springsteen both wrote political songs. Now before you begin to flame I know not EVERY Springsteen song was political nor was every Clash (and very few Mescaleros songs.) BUT they were both known for their outspoken views on social events. THUS we see a rock great paying tribute to one of the Granddaddies of Punk Rock.At least according to the Book of JRockstar.

  7. PSanyone else here about the network threat to Cut Mike on anyone who brought up anti-war sentiment? Regretably the only person who had the balls (or chance) was Fred Durst who asked to ‘end it quick.’THATS some shit if you ask me.

  8. Re: Da Bozz and Joe StrummerThe only similarity I can think of is that their last names both began with an \”S\” Other than that, Hell NO!

  9. Norah JonesNorah Jones… Eight Grammys? Her voice is fucked up and same with the looks, even Avril is better than her. By the way, why was Robin Williams talking so.. Ghetto-ish that night?????????

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